


This Love

by Jeep_Girl



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Angst, Angst and Feels, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Established Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Pregnant Lena Luthor, Sad Lena Luthor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29348079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeep_Girl/pseuds/Jeep_Girl
Summary: Prologue: Lena stares down at the third pregnancy test. Positive, again. She anxiously twists the bracelet around her wrist, trying to decide what to do next, how to proceed. If there was someway to reach Kara, to contact her… Despite the heatedness of their last interaction… Lena is sure Kara would return when she found out about this. And so, Lena sets to work, finding a way to send a message 1000 years into the future.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 289
Kudos: 665





	1. Chapter 1

Lena hangs up the phone and sighs as she buzzes her assistant on the intercom.

“Yes Ms. Luthor?” comes the familiar voice.

“Please cancel my afternoon meetings, I need to pick up my daughter from school early.”

“Sure thing Ms. Luthor.”

With that taken care of, Lena picks up her purse, tossing in her phone and some files she will try to get to tonight, and heads out of her office. Her drive to her daughter’s school is only ten minutes, so she only has a chance to answer a few emails before the driver announces their arrival.

“Thank you, I’ll be right back.” Lena heads inside the school toward the head mistress’s office, where she finds little Gracie sitting with ice on her left eye. Lena kneels down in front of her daughter, gently saying “Sweetie, let momma see.” Gracie hesitantly lowers the icepack and Lena can clearly see the fresh bruise forming around her eye, causing her to wince. “Ok, you stay here while I go talk to the head mistress, ok?” Gracie nods and sniffles a bit, still stuffy from when she was crying. Lena gives her a kiss on the head as she turns and heads into the office. As she is about to step in, her phone vibrates. Checking it quickly, she sees that it is Alex, which is somewhat unusual. Usually, Lena is the one reaching out to her. But Lena is too preoccupied with the issue at hand to think too much about it. She sends it to voicemail and proceeds into the office of the head mistress.

“Ms. Luthor, thank you for coming so quickly.” Lena is familiar with the head mistress, a lady in her 50’s who is stern and hard. Lena wonders if it is a persona. Much like the one Lena wears at Lcorp.

“Yes, well, please inform me how my child ended up with a blackeye.”

“She was talking about how her _other_ mother is Supergirl again…” The head mistress trails off, looking pitifully at Lena, which she absolutely hates. She knows no one can know the truth. She just wishes her daughter would stop trying to tell people and provoking them. Pretty soon Lena is going to run out of options for schooling her daughter otherwise. “I’ll talk to her. I presume she has the rest of the day off?” The head mistress nods. “Perhaps she should take the rest of the week.” Lena doesn’t argue, knowing full well it won’t do any good with this woman. “Good day,” Lena says as she stands up and exits the office.

Once situated in the car, Lena tries to again talk to her daughter about this particular subject. “Gracie, sweetie, we’ve talked about this. You cannot go around telling everyone about your mom.” She hears her daughter sniffle in frustration. “Why not mommy?” Lena sets her hand on her daughter’s head, petting her hair. “Because they don’t understand.” This answer, while it is the one she most often gives, is not enough for the intuitive girl today. “But why not? I don’t understand why it’s so hard. Mom left to go save the future. That’s why no one has seen Supergirl in so long.” Lena can’t help but smile at the love her daughter has for a woman she has never met. She is so proud, so excited for others to know exactly who her mom is. But Lena also knows that keeping it a secret is important. “Sweetie… I know how much you love to talk about your mom. But you can only do that with me or with Auntie Sam and Ruby, ok? Anyone else won’t understand.” She gives her daughter a gentle squeeze on the arm. “They’ll keep trying to beat me up?” Lena’s heart breaks at the question. “Yes sweetie… people can be mean like that. Especially when it comes to things related to Supergirl.” Lena knows her daughter isn’t old enough to understand all of the politics related to that particular topic. Her memory flashes back to the alien registration act and other pro-alien and anti-alien laws that have been passed depending on the agenda of those in office. It’s something she has always kept up with, but Lena has paid even more attention to ever since her daughter’s birth.

“Mommy… can we go play at the park today?” Lena smiles. “Sure, let me call Auntie Sam to see if she can help me cover at Lcorp the rest of the week. That way, you and I can spend the rest of the week together, maybe take a trip out of town. How does that sound?” The excited squeal she hears melts her heart. “Excellent, where would you like to go?” Lena asks even though she already knows the answer. Gracie’s favorite place in the world is the same as hers. “Ireland!” Gracie yells with glee as Lena pulls out her phone to make the required request with her private Jet.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Across the country in National City, Alex Danvers is at work, having an uneventful day. Everything is quiet on the potential alien front at the DEO. Which would mean catching up on paperwork for the head of the organization. Alex, however, has a bad feeling this day. And she isn’t sure why. So, she is in the training room, going rounds with the newest agents. Alex might be pushing 40, but she is still in fighting condition. She makes sure of it. She doesn’t want her wife or children to have to live without her.

She had just put one such agent into an armbar on the ground, and as they tapped, her assistant comes running into the training room. Alex releases the agent and stands up, seeing the flustered assistant. “What is it Simmons?” The young man quickly replying, “One of your silent alarms has been tripped.” Alex’s eyes go wide. “Which one?” The assistant quickly looks at his tablet to confirm. “Seven.”

Alex is up and out of the training room so fast. She grabs her sidearm and heads for her bike, putting assistant director Brainy in charge in her absence. She quickly makes her way across the city she knows so well, using side streets and such to avoid most of the traffic. She makes it to the abandoned penthouse in under ten minutes. She gets to the front door, pistol in her hand, and listens. She can clearly hear someone rummaging around. _Must be a burglar_ she thinks to herself. She uses the silent code to unlock the door and makes her way into the foyer cautiously, her weapon aimed ahead. She can clearly hear someone going through the master bedroom closet and so she makes her way to the bedroom, inching along. Once she is in the doorway, she sees things being thrown out of the closet.

“Freeze! This the police. Come out with your hands in the air.”

“Alex!” The DEO director hears her name from a familiar voice. She freezes as her sister comes out of the closet, smiling. “It is you! I’ve missed you!” She pulls Alex in for a hug, unconcerned about the weapon in her hand. Alex quickly puts the safety on and returns the gun to her holster, putting her arms around Kara. She can’t believe it. Kara is back. She is finally back. “Kara, it’s really you.”

Kara finally pulls away and takes in Alex’s appearance, noting the gray tint to her hair and the slight wrinkles forming on her face. Alex touches Kara’s face as she takes in the scar running down her eye, making the eye not open fully anymore.

“Alex… not that I’m not super glad to see you… but where is Lena? I flew by Lcorp on my way here, but she wasn’t there. I can’t wait to tell her about the last year of my life.”

“Year?” Alex asks softly before finding her voice. “You mean to tell me it’s only been a year for you?”

“What do you mean? How long has it been for you Alex?” Alex gives her sister a pitying look. “Kara… it’s been seven years.”

Kara’s eyes go wide as her mouth falls open. “How? I mean… I know time travel isn’t exact… but… wait, Alex, where is Lena?” Alex again gives a half-smile that shows pity. “She isn’t here. She moved to Metropolis four years ago.”

“What… why?... I mean, why would she move across the country?”

Alex sighs before responding. “She said it was too hard to be in this city without you. Too many memories.” Alex won’t tell Kara right now, but she agreed with Lena’s decision to move. Lena had to focus on Gracie, and she couldn’t do that feeling like no matter where she went, there was a ghost following her around.

“I… I have to go… I have to see her.” Kara steps away and heads for the balcony. “Kara, wait. Did you ever get Lena’s message? In the future I mean.” Kara freezes at the doorway, turning back to face her sister. “What message?” Alex frowns. “She attempted to reach you, in the future, a week after you left. When you didn’t come back… she had to make some tough decisions… she may not be the same woman you left.” Alex isn’t sure how to tell Kara about her daughter, or if she should even be the one to break the news.

“Alex, I have to see her. I said some hurtful things when I left… She is my wife, Alex… I have to make things right.”

“Kara, you left a day after your wedding. You didn’t even get to go on your honeymoon.” Alex knows it is a low blow, but she doesn’t want Kara showing up thinking she will be welcomed with open arms. Alex isn’t exactly sure what Lena will do. They haven’t spoken in months, only seeing each other when Lena makes her rounds with Gracie during the holiday season. Aside from that, Alex is lucky when Lena requests a random facetime with her family for Gracie.

“I know what I did, Alex. That’s why I need to go.” And with that, Kara is out the balcony door and off to Metropolis. Alex pulls out her phone and calls Lena, but it goes to voicemail. She sighs, knowing that both Kara and Lena are in for some surprises.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It takes Kara one swoop through the city before she finds the Metropolis Lcorp building, having a similar giant logo on the building like in National City. She spots the office with a balcony up high and assumes that this must Lena’s office. Even now, Lena leaves Kara the option of coming in the superhero way. Kara smiles noticing this as she uses her x-ray vision on the office. She sees someone in the office working, but she can tell it isn’t Lena. It takes her a moment to recognize Sam Arias. Kara sits down on the roof of the building across from Lcorp and waits. Surely Lena is just in a meeting or something and will be back shortly.

But by the end of the day, Sam packs up and leaves Lena’s office behind, empty, lights out. No sign of Lena all day. Kara frowns, unsure of where Lena lives now, so she instead follows Sam from a safe distance in the sky. She sees Sam arrive, presumably at her own home. Doing another quick scan, Kara sees that she is home alone. Sighing, she takes the air and tries to do something she hasn’t done in over a year – listen for Lena’s heartbeat.

Three days go by, with Kara returning to Metropolis each day to look for Lena at Lcorp, to no avail. She can’t hear her heart anywhere in the city. Until day four, in the late hours, when Kara is about to return to National City for some sleep. She hears it, faintly. “Lena…” she whispers as she flies off in the direction of the sound that she missed the most in the past year. She quickly finds herself at the airport. “Of course, she was probably on a business trip somewhere.” Kara watches from the sky, quickly finding the private Lcorp jet that Lena is on. She watches, her heart racing and pounding in her ears as she finally sees the one person she has been dreaming of for the past year.

Kara stares, as she takes in the image of Lena… who is holding hands with a child as they walk off the jet and towards a car. Lena is smiling brightly at the child, who is giggling and very happy. And Kara just stares at the sight, unable to approach them or look away. She is stunned.

As Lena is getting Gracie all settled into the car, she has a distinct feeling she is being watched. She turns around and looks, surveying the area around her, but seeing nothing. It is dark out, but even so, Lena also looks up, a strange feeling creeping over her. But she sees nothing. Unbeknownst to her, Kara had taken off as soon as Lena started to turn around.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara keeps her panic in check until she returns to the penthouse in National City. She quickly picks up the landline phone and hopes Alex’s number hasn’t changed as she dials. “Kara?” comes Alex’s frantic voice. Kara can hear children in the background. “You knew, didn’t you?” Alex sighs into the phone. “What did Lena tell you?”

“Nothing. I didn’t talk to her. I saw them from the sky. She has a kid Alex! A child. She moved on!”

“Kara, no, that isn’t what happened.” Alex blurts it out, trying to stop her sister from going down that dark rabbit hole. “What do you mean? I saw it!” Kara is yelling into the phone. “Kara…” Alex sighs again, torn about what to tell Kara and what she thinks Lena should tell her. “Look… Kara… you should really be talking to Lena about all this… the child… Gracie… she is yours.” Kara hears someone mumbling to Alex, but she can’t quite make it out. “Kelly says hi, by the way. She would love to see you. So would your niece and nephew.” Alex hopes by mentioning her own children, who were quite tiny babies when Kara left, that this might help her stay grounded. “I… I have a daughter…” Kara says to herself more than to Alex. “The message… Lena tried to send me…”

“That’s right Kara. She tried to reach you. She tried so hard to get you back… but after three years… it was too much for her to hope anymore… she had to focus on Gracie… and so she moved to Metropolis.”

“Alex…”

“I know, Kara. Please don’t do anything rash, ok? Get some sleep and go talk to her tomorrow.”

“Yeah… ok…” Kara, too in shock, hangs up before Alex can get out that she loves her. She sinks to the floor, staring off into nothingness. She isn’t sure how long she does this, as the reality of the life she left behind sinks in. She has a daughter, and she missed the first six years of her life. This child won’t even know who she is. And beyond that, if Lena sent a message, why did she never get it? What happened to it? Eventually, Kara drifts to sleep, right there on the floor of her former home.

Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Lena is tucking Gracie into bed and reading her a bedtime story. She kisses her daughter goodnight, her heart so full of joy that she feels almost whole for the first time in seven years.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena finally reunite.

Kara decides to listen to Alex’s advice and wait until the next day to go back to Metropolis. That doesn’t mean she actually got any sleep that night. She spent most of it going through the penthouse, seeing what was still there and what wasn’t. It seems like Lena left in quite a hurry as she left most of her clothing. The pictures of them, of their wedding day, were all taken though. All but one. The one that sits on Kara’s nightstand. It was the one Kara had purposely picked out and framed to be by her bedside. It’s a candid picture of her and Lena from their wedding. Both women oblivious to the photographer who caught the image. Both of them so wrapped up in each other, they didn’t notice anyone else as they danced with each other, smiling.

It’s one of the happiest memories Kara has, the one she hung on to while she was in the future. She had believed that, despite how she had left things with Lena, that there would be time to fix it when she returned. She never imaged the mission would take a year of her life away… she never imaged when she returned, it would have been seven years for Lena. And that Lena has been raising their daughter, alone, that entire time.

Kara impulsively takes a detour to Europe to pick up Lena’s favorite coffee and scones before returning to Metropolis. She watches from above as Lena drops Gracie off at school. She follows the car; which Lena exits at the Lcorp building. Thinking it over, Kara decides it might be better if she showed up as Kara and not as Supergirl. She quickly finds an alleyway and changes her outfit, before she walks into Lcorp.

As Kara approaches the receptionist, her heart is racing. It is pounding, almost deafening in her ears as the person behind the desk asks Kara for her name and who her appointment is with.

“Oh… um… I don’t have an appointment… I am here to see Lena Luthor-Danvers…”

“Name?” the unimpressed woman asks. Kara gulps before responding, “Kara… Luthor-Danvers.”

The expression from the woman behind the desk is one of amusement, which confused Kara. “Yeah, ok, I suppose it is about that time of the year.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Kara asks, even more confused. The woman chuckles. “Every year, we get some wanna-be-rich poser coming in here claiming to be the missing, presumed dead, wife of the CEO of our company. Now, hold still.”

Kara’s face is in utter shock at this. She doesn’t realize the woman is taking her photo until it is already over. “Um… what was that for?” At that moment, a gruff looking security guard appears next to Kara. “Ma’am, I’m going to need you to come with me.” Kara looks at him bewildered. “Oh, come on! It really is me! Please just show Lena the photo!” Kara decides it is best not to out herself as an alien with superpowers, instead letting herself be led to a small room by the security guard. Kara is sure Lena wouldn’t appreciate her causing a scene on her first day back. “Wait here.” The security guard closes the door, locking it from the outside. “Great… just great…” Kara looks around to find a mostly empty room. She makes her way over to one of the only two chairs in the room and sinks into it. “Well… we are off to a good start…”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lena is just getting out of a meeting with the cancer lab and is returning to her office when she receives the alert from downstairs. “Great… another imposter…” she says under her breathe as she waits for the picture to come through. She fills up her water and makes her way over to her computer and clicks on the email to bring up the picture.

Lena drops the glass of water in her hand when she sees the photo. She stares, forgetting the glass that is now laying on the ground, water soaking into the carpet beneath her feet. Her hand softly touches her computer screen, taking in the woman before her eyes, not able to believe it. She traces the scar over Kara’s eye, concern flashing over her face at what kind of weapon could have caused that sort of permanent scar.

It could have been five minutes or five hours, if it hadn’t been for Lena’s assistant interrupting her to inform her that her next meeting was in five minutes. She immediately responds, telling them to cancel her meetings for the day. She then calls down to the front desk. “Please have security escort her to my office.”

“Wait… Ms. Luthor… is… is it really her?” The receptionist can’t help but be in shock. They have had so many imposters over the past four years. She still remembers when the first one happened, shortly after Lena relocated to Metropolis. Lena was so hopeful at the thought of being reunited with her wife that she practically ran to the ground floor. She was devastated, utterly destroyed, when she saw the woman and realized it was not Kara. It was after that first incident that the protocol was put into place. Photo, locked room, and then once Lena confirmed it was an imposter, the police were called.

Not today though. Not today.

“I believe so. Please have her brought up immediately.” Lena did her best to maintain the stoic sound in her voice.

“Right away Ms. Luthor.”

Right away feels like ages. She watched the seconds tick by as she paced her office, a thousand memories flooding her mind.

_The first time she met Kara Danvers._

_Finding out Kara Danvers is Supergirl._

_Reconciling with Kara._

_Their first date._

_Their wedding._

_The day Kara left her._

Lena is interrupted by her assistant buzzing the intercom. “Ms. Luthor, they are here.” Lena takes a deep, deep breath and steadies herself as she walks to the door and opens it to see the large security guard standing next to her assistant’s desk. And there she is, a few paces behind the guard, standing with a bag and coffee in her hand, wearing a small unassuming smile. Like it was just another Tuesday in another life Lena used to live.

Lena’s eyes are wide as she dismisses the security guard and her assistant, telling her to take the rest of the day off. Both of them take the cue and exit swiftly, leaving Kara and Lena standing just outside her office. The silence is deafening as Kara stands still, unsure what she should do, unsure of what the potential boundaries are after so long. Lena finally finds her words.

“Come in.” She turns and walks into the office, trying her best to unscramble her brain which is filling with so many memories, thoughts, and emotions that she is starting to feel overwhelmed. She walks to the middle of her office before turning around to see Kara step into her office, turn and shut the door, and then turn back to face her, an apprehensive smile on her face.

“Hi…” Kara says softly. “I… um… I brought scones… and coffee…” The uneasiness is thick between them. “The coffee might be cold now though…” It had been over an hour since Kara had arrived at Lcorp.

“That shouldn’t be a difficult thing for you to fix.” Lena’s comment comes off harsher than she means for it to. Kara doesn’t seem to notice, as she sighs and rubs the back of her neck with her free hand. “Um… I can’t… I can’t use that particular power anymore.” She then points to the scar that runs across her eye in an attempt to explain why without going into detail.

Silence falls on them again. This time, Kara tries to break it by stepping forward towards the couch and coffee table, setting the coffee and scones down on it. Lena stays standing in the middle of her office, unmoving. “Would you like to maybe sit down?” Kara asks, glancing from Lena to the couch. It’s a different couch than the one she had in National City, Kara notices.

Lena is unable to keep up this neutral façade any longer though. She crosses her arms as she says sternly, “Seven years, Kara. It has been seven years.”

“I know… I know it has been that long for you…”

“What makes you think you can just waltz in here with coffee and scones like you didn’t choose to leave me seven years ago.”

  
Kara sighs as she sits down, already feeling tired. Another fun part of her _accident_ , she becomes fatigued a lot sooner, almost like a human. She looks up pleadingly. “Please let me explain Lee.”

“I tried to contact you; do you know that?”

“Alex told me…” When Lena doesn’t speak, Kara takes the opportunity to keep talking, though she can’t hold Lena’s steel gaze any longer. Her head drops as she stares at her feet. “It’s only been a year for me… when I got back, I immediately went to our penthouse. She showed up there and told me where you were… but when I came here a few days ago, I couldn’t find you. And then I saw you getting off the plane…” Kara dies off after that, afraid to voice the rest of what she saw, unsure of how Lena will react to the invasion of privacy.

“I felt you watching us. I knew I felt something. I didn’t see you.”

“I flew away before you could.”

“Why?”

“Because… I thought… I thought you had… moved on.”

Lena’s eyebrow raises. “What do you think now?”

Kara glances up to Lena. “Alex told me the truth.” Lena is staring hard at Kara, silently urging her to continue. “If I had known… Lena… I would have come back… please know that.” Lena’s stern expression fades to sad and her eyes fill with tears. “Why wasn’t I enough for you to stay Kara?”

The emotional knife that pierces Kara’s heart in that moment hurts worse than the kryptonite that sliced her acrost her eye and put her into a coma so many months ago.

“Maybe… maybe I should just go…” Kara stands up, an expression of desperation and sorrow on her face. Lena sighs. “Is that what you want to do, Kara?” Lena has so many questions. But the fury from so long ago is resurfacing, making it hard for her to see the facts. The memory of their last moments together seven years ago won’t leave the forefront of her mind.

_Kara and Lena were in the middle of packing for their honeymoon when it happened. Mon El and Winn had appeared out of a portal, right in the middle of the penthouse living room. Kara excitedly ran up to hug them both as Lena stood back, watching. She knew what this meant. She knew immediately that if they were both here now, that they were here for Kara, for her wife. The day after their wedding._

_“Ahhh Winn! Mon El! I’ve missed you guys! What brings you to the past?”_

_“We need your help. We need Supergirl.” At the admission by Mon El, Kara freezes and turns back to Lena, who is watching, but not giving any indication as to what she is feeling. She turns back to face her old friends. “Um… you need me now? Like, right now?” Winn and Mon El exchange a knowing look. “We wouldn’t have come for you if it wasn’t vitally important,” Winn says with a softened expression. “We… we need any Kryptonians that are willing to, to come to the future and help us stop a race of aliens who have similar powers. They have been attacking and trying to take control over several planets in the solar system. We aren’t sure where they came from or how they got here. But we are losing against them. This is our last-ditch effort to match our powers against theirs.” Winn finally lets out a breath._

_“Kal?” She asks, apprehensively. She knows he has two young children. “He agreed to come with us already.” Mon El answers. Kara again looks back at Lena. “Can I… can I talk to Lena for a minute, alone?” Mon El and Winn nod and excuse themselves to the balcony, closing the door behind them._

_“Lee… I… I have to go…” Kara starts as she attempts to take Lena’s hands in her own. Lena stiffens and pulls her arms across her chest. “Kara… I have a bad feeling about this mission… there is something different about it… not to mention, we JUST got married, less than 24 hours ago. You and I are supposed to be on a private jet on our way to Ireland in an hour. We were supposed to be starting our life, married, together, today.” Kara’s expression resembles a kicked puppy. “I know… I know… I didn’t plan this… but I have to go. I can’t just stop being a hero now that we are married.”_

_Lena flinches at the accusation that she ever expected that of Kara, anger flashing through her. “I never said you did, and I never asked you to do that. Supergirl is still needed, I know that. Even so, YOU told me you were taking off from your Superhero duties for our wedding and honeymoon. You explicitly told me that ‘unless the world was ending’, Alex would be leaving you alone to enjoy your time abroad. YOU said that. I never asked you to do that.”_

_The harshness in Lena’s voice seeps into Kara, putting her on the defensive. “Well Lena, I can’t predict when things like this will happen. Every once in a while, one of my friends from another universe or another time needs my help. And it is apparently world-ending, so I can’t say no.”_

_Lena lets out a shaky breath, her arms dropping to her sides. “I’m asking you, Kara, just this once, to stay. Please.” Her eyes are brimming with tears as she makes this vulnerable request of her new wife. She can’t shake the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She is much more scared for Kara in this mission than she has been for any previous mission._

_Kara can practically feel both of their hearts breaking, as she knows what she will say. Because Kara knows that no matter what, she will put the needs of the world above the needs of herself. And the needs of her wife, apparently._

_“I promise I will be back as soon as I can. We can still go on the honeymoon when I get back, I promise.”_

_Lena lets the single tear fall from her eye, gentle cascading down her cheek. “I hope you can keep your promises, Supergirl.” With that, Lena walks down the hallway and into her bedroom. Lena had some small hope still that Kara would change her mind, that she would follow Lena to the room, pull her into one of her strong, warm hugs, and tell her she could never leave her. But Kara never came. When Lena heard the distance sound of a portal opening a few minutes later, she sunk to the floor and cried the rest of the day, well into the night. Kara was gone and she had no idea when she would be back._

Kara wasn’t sure how to respond to such a question. She thought Lena wanted her to leave, to give her space, but maybe not. She said nothing, unsure of how to proceed.

“Do you know how many times I thought you had come back? How many times I thought I would finally be reunited with my _wife_? None of them were quite as painful as when Clark returned. I sat at home for _days_ after he returned, waiting for you. When I finally realized you weren’t coming back, I tried to reach out to Clark, to get some explanation. But all he would tell me was that you would return when you wanted… I tried pressing for more information. I tried to get him to tell me what was going on in the future. But he wouldn’t tell me anything…” Lena lets out another sigh before continuing. “That was the moment I knew you must have decided to stay in the future. That you thought you were better off during that time, without me… without us.”

Kara takes a few steps towards Lena, tears now streaming down her face. “No, Lena. Never. I couldn’t come back… It isn’t because I didn’t want to, I swear.” Kara is now only a step away from being able to reach Lena. But she stops, afraid of pushing into Lena’s personal bubble and pushing her further away by accident. Her arms instinctively reach up anyway, putting her hand out for Lena to take if she wants. “Lena… please…”

Lena stares at Kara’s hands for a moment before looking back into the ocean blue eyes of her wife. Her wife. She is here, in front of her, after seven years. Lena finds that she can’t move, she can’t take the step forward into Kara’s arms. But she nods, giving Kara permission to come closer. And she does. She steps into Lena’s space and tentatively puts her arms around Lena. After a few seconds, Lena’s own arms wrap around Kara. Each woman breathing in a scent long forgotten, which brings back hundreds of memories shared between the two, from tight hugs to cuddling on a couch to being wrapped up in each other all night. Tears fall freely from both women, as they finally relent and release every emotion they had been holding back.

They stand in Lena’s office, holding each other for a long time. When they finally pull apart, Kara leads Lena to the couch by her hand, and they sit down. Though they are sitting close to each other, they are not touching anymore. Lena is reflecting, remembering just how much warmth Kara exudes, having been without it for so long. Kara is similarly reflecting on how it felt to hold Lena again, to take her hand in her own, and how empty she feels now that she is no longer holding her wife.

Kara cautiously asks, “So… what now?” Lena gives her a small half-smile. “I don’t know.” And once again, a dreadful silence fills the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena talk more. Lena finally finds out what happened to Kara in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been enjoying all of the comments from everyone so far! We clearly have some Lena protectors in our midst ;) (I kid, I kid). 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Well... enjoy might be an odd word choice... buckle up, is it maybe more emotional than the last chapter... we shall see...

Lena sits on the couch, her shoulders uncharacteristically slumped as she stares into nothingness, debating breaking out the scotch despite it being much too early. Kara watches her closely, unsure of what to say, of whether she can reach out and comfort Lena the way she instinctively wants to. She remembers how confident she used to be around Lena, how she wouldn’t second guess herself and her inclinations towards physical touch. But now… now she second guesses everything.

Lena suddenly stands up and walks over and pours herself a glass of water. Without turning around, she says softly, “I really never thought you were coming back. And now that you are here in front of me… I don’t know what to say or do.” Kara fidgets with her hands, staying firmly planted on the couch, a frown on her face. “Well… maybe start by telling me how you are feeling?”

Lena turns around and looks at Kara, really looks at her. She takes in Kara’s appearance in her jeans and top that seem a little more loose than normal. Kara has always been muscular though she now seems a little less so. She seems smaller somehow. “Seven years, Kara. Seven fucking years.” Lena can feel the anger again rising inside of her, like a wave of emotion. “I’ve been raising our daughter, by myself, for the past seven years.” The words come out like venom and Kara stares down at her own feet, unable to look Lena in the eyes.

When there is again silence, Kara softly says “I know… I’m sorry…” but doesn’t dare look up again. She finds herself pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. After a pause, Kara says in a slightly louder tone, “I swear… I didn’t mean for it to be this way…” Lena takes a deep breath, trying to let some of the anger out as she feels the other emotions fighting for control. She is cut off before she can speak though, as Kara says, “I… I know me coming back now is a lot… a lot to process… I would really just like to talk… to get to know each other again… and then maybe eventually meet my daughter.” Kara gulps as she finishes, finally looking up at Lena, unsure whether she is asking for too much.

“I would never want to keep her from you Kara. She knows all about you.” Kara can’t help but smile at this new piece of knowledge. Upon finding out from Alex that the child was hers, she did immediately have a fear that Lena would have never told her the truth. Not that Kara could blame her. “That being said… Kara… I… I have to ask… What are your plans now that you are back in this time?”

Confusion written on her face; Kara asks, “What do you mean?”

Lena chuckles, realizing Kara hasn’t probably thought about the logistics of returning back from the dead after seven years. “Well, I assume your job at Catco magazine is no longer there. Plus, Supergirl has been gone for seven years. Her return will certainly make all the headlines in the world.”

Kara looks away, a sad dejected look on her face. “Supergirl isn’t coming back, Lee.” The old familiar name makes Lena shiver. No one has called her that since Kara left.

She makes her way back to the couch, sitting down cautiously next to Kara. She is curious but more concerned with Kara’s odd response. She raises her hand and then hesitates briefly, before making an internal decision, she nods her head to herself and puts her hand on top of Kara’s. “What do you mean Kara? Why not?” Kara’s eyes fly to her hand, now being covered by Lena’s.

After a minute, she finally glances up into Lena’s emerald eyes. “A lot happened while I was in the future. Besides losing some of my powers… I realized there were things more important to me than being Supergirl.” The unspoken implications are clear, echoing what Kara had said earlier. She returned for Lena. Old insecurities raise up in Lena though. Memories of conversations from years ago, before their wedding, flash through her mind.

_“Alright, my turn!” Alex proclaimed. They were having one of their weekly game nights. And while many of their friends had retired early, Alex and Kelly stayed behind for a few rounds of Truth or Dare._

_“Kara – Truth or Dare?” Kara scrunches her face in contemplation. The last time she picked Dare, Alex had dared her to speed eat all the cookies. She felt terrible for the next three hours. “Truth.”_

_Alex nods and contemplates for a moment, before asking, “Do you think you’ll ever stop being Supergirl?” Kara nearly spits out her drink, clearly not expecting such a heavy-handed question. “Seriously? That’s your question?” Alex smirks while Kelly shakes her head at the sudden seriousness of the conversation. Lena, sitting on the other side of Kara, leans back and takes a long drink of wine, trying hard to act like she doesn’t care about the answer. But she does, how could she not. It’s not something they have ever discussed, but it is something that Lena wonders about from time to time, especially now that they are engaged, and she tries to picture what her life will be like with Kara._

_“Yes, I want to know.” Kara sighs, letting out her breath as she thinks over her answer. “I don’t know if I can ever stop being Supergirl. I mean, it is such an intricate part of who I am now. I can’t imagine my life without Supergirl in it.”_

As the memory fades and Lena brings herself back to the present, she blurts out her response before she has time to process the implications. “What changed?” And when Kara looked at her with confusion on her face, she continued, “You used to say you couldn’t see your life without Supergirl in it.” Lena’s hand automatically withdrawal at her own outbursts.

Kara’s face drops as she says softly “Oh…” Lena waits after that. She can’t help but want… no she needs an answer to this question. Because for years now Lena had accepted that Kara choose being Supergirl over being her wife.

Kara’s eyes glaze over slightly as her mind drifts back to her time in the future. After a moment, she states simply. “Dying changes things.”

The two women sit in silence, Lena staring at Kara, who is staring intently at her own shoes. Lena is the first to speak up. “Kara, what do you mean by that? What happened in the future?”

Kara knows she must tell her, has to put it all out there for Lena to understand that she didn’t stay away so long on purpose. But, talking about what happened is also terrifying. Ever since waking up, she has struggled to understand and accept exactly what happened to her. She looks deeply into Lena’s eyes. And for her, for the woman she loves, Kara knows she will do anything. She gulps, looking away, wishing so much Lena would take her hand again. She craves any kind of physical intimacy to comfort herself right now. She settles for wrapping her arms around herself.

“It’s… kind of a long story.” Kara knows Lena probably has several meetings this day. She knows how busy running this company is for Lena. “So… if it has to wait… if you have things you need to do for Lcorp…”

Lena finally sees it, the vulnerable, broken side of Kara that she tends to keep hidden. But now, she can see just how much deeper those cracks run. Much deeper than they did before she left for the future. “Kara, Darling, when I knew it was you, I had my assistant cancel all my meetings for the day. So, I’m here, if you want to talk about it.”

The old familiar pet name sends a shiver down Kara’s back, warming her instantly. She gives Lena a small smile of gratitude. “I don’t want to talk about it… but I know I need to. I need you to understand why it took me so long to come back to you.” Lena nods and waits.

“My head… I don’t think I was in quite the right headspace when I got to the future… our last… interaction, it left me feeling all out of sorts. But I just assumed… I assumed it would be a few days… maybe a couple weeks at most before I could go back. I never imagined… I didn’t realize how long it would be. If I had known… I swear to you Lena, I would have come back and fixed things between us first.” Kara’s eyes fill with tears as she tries hard to hold Lena’s gaze.

Lena, never able to stay away from Kara’s orbit, finally reaches out again, this time wrapping an arm around Kara, who quickly sinks into the embrace, her head laying gently on Lena’s shoulder as she finally lets the tears fall. Lena could care less about what the tears will do to her overly expensive three-piece suit. All that matters now is making sure Kara knows she isn’t alone.

After a few minutes of Kara silently, softly crying on Lena’s shoulder, she finally sniffles and tells her story.

_Once I got to the future, I immediately started working with Mon El, Winn, and the other heroes in the future to turn the tide of the war. Kal El and I each leading our own small army of warriors into various battles. We slowly but surely were able to take back some of the planets on the outer edges of the enemy’s territory. Once we had done that, Mon El and Imra would work to establish the reclaimed planets, setting up government entities and communication with other planets. It was a couple weeks into this when Kal El was captured. I led the rescue mission to get him back. And it was on the way out that I stayed behind. Kal El was still unconscious. I instructed the team to take off without me, to secure the return of Kal to our people so he could be sent home, back to his time. And I turned back to fight the enemy soldiers to buy them time to get off the planet. If I hadn’t done it… everyone would have been captured and it would have been for nothing. I thought that the worst thing that would happen would be that I would be captured and Mon El and Winn would mount a rescue mission for me… Instead, I was cut down hard by kryptonite weapons. It is still unclear how they even got the substance or figured out how to make it. But I think that perhaps they had been experimenting on Kal El to amplify it, to make it pure to produce the most damage. By the time I realized they had it, I was already injured… I realized I couldn’t escape and tried to surrender instead. One of their generals walked up to me and… well, we can thank him for the scar across my face and the loss of my heat vision…”_

Kara fades out after that, lost in her own memories, tears now streaming down her face. Lena pulls her closer. “It’s ok Kara… you’re safe now… I’ve got you.”

_“Lee… they left me buried in a heap of raw kryptonite… they left me to die… the pain… it was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced… it was overwhelming… but I couldn’t move… I could barely breathe… I watched them walk away with my one good eye… they were laughing… I had never seen someone be so callous before… except… except maybe Lex… After… after they left… I just waited Lee… I just waited to die… and all I could think about was you… and how I never even told you I loved you before I left…”_

Lena sits in silence, hugging Kara but afraid to look at her. She can feel how devastated Kara is while she tells the story. She finds her hand instinctively rubbing up and down Kara’s arm to comfort her.

_“Winn and Mon El did send a team in after me… I’m told they found me, still covered with the kryptonite, not breathing. They rushed me into a stasis pod for healing. And that is where I stayed for months… for months I showed no sign of life. But Winn and Mon El refused to take me out. They insisted I would wake up again. That I just needed time for my body to recuperate from the overdose of kryptonite. And it turns out… they were right. After 10 months, one day I suddenly woke up. I remember this part… I remember opening my eyes and trying to shield them from the brightness of the room, even though it wasn’t actually that bright. It felt so bright to me, after being in absolute darkness for so long… It took me another month before I was able to find a way back…”_

“Oh Kara.” It slips out of Lena before she has a chance to hold herself back. She shifts in her seat slightly so she can better wrap both arms around Kara, who sinks into Lena automatically. Her tears find a new force after such an emotional recounter, now coming down in full force. Lena doesn’t say anything else, choosing instead to embrace Kara and to keep holding her. She wants so badly to take away the pain, the anguish, that Kara is feeling. But she knows she can’t. All she can do is be here for her.

“I am finished being a hero, Lee. I’ve done enough. All I want now is to spend the rest of my life with you, making it up to you… I should have never left… you… you told me you had a bad feeling about this mission… I should have listened…”

Much of this comes out in between sobs. Lena gently caresses Kara’s back, letting her get it all out. “I’ve got you Kara… I’ve got you.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s some time before Kara is finally all cried out. She finally breaks her embrace with Lena, excusing herself to get up and get some water. Lena sits and watches and waits, afraid to say or do the wrong thing now that Kara is being so open and vulnerable with her. Lena is seeing more and more that beyond the visible scars, her wife returned from the future with some very deep internal scars as well.

While Kara has her back to Lena, she works up the courage to share one of her greatest fears, one that set in shortly after finding out about their daughter. Her shoulders slumped as she takes a sip of water, preparing herself to speak. “With… with everything I’ve been through… I would understand if you didn’t want me to be a part of your life anymore… if you didn’t want me to meet Gracie…”

Lena doesn’t respond right away, always trying to put Gracie’s needs above her own. That’s why, despite how much it hurt, she never hid the truth or refused to talk about Kara with Gracie. And she knows, even now, that if Kara does truly plan on sticking around, on being a part of Gracie’s life, that Gracie deserves to know her mother.

“Kara, I have to ask again… your plans, now that you are back…”

Kara turns around to face Lena. “I don’t have plans of going anywhere Lena. I want to be wherever you and Gracie are.” Kara has an intensity in her voice that Lena hadn’t heard since she first saw Kara this morning. “Well, ok then. You should know that Gracie will love you. Because she already does.”

Kara’s confidence fades as she turns back to her water. “She loves the idea of me, the idea of Supergirl. But what will she think when she finds out I am not Supergirl anymore? What if I’m not a good enough mom to her Lee?”

Lena stands up and approaches Kara, a firm look on her face, she puts a hand on Kara’s shoulder and turns her around, placing her hands firmly on Kara’s shoulders. “Hey, you listen to me, Kara Zor El Luthor-Danvers. You are the strongest, most resilient person I know. I don’t mean physically. I mean emotionally. You have faced so many great and terrible losses in your life. And yet you somehow still have hope and compassion for others. That isn’t Supergirl. That’s you. That is all you. And you will always find a way to bring that hope and compassion into this world and spread it around. Look at me, you healed me, you helped me recognize my own darkness within and watched me face it myself, head on. And I came out of that stronger than I ever thought I could be. You did that, Kara.”

Kara is crying again, but this time she smiles and gives a slight laugh. “And here I thought I was the one who was good at pep talks.”

Lena smiles brightly at her. “Who do you think I learned it from?” Lena takes her hands off Kara’s shoulders and holds one out, offering it to Kara, who gladly takes it with her own hand. Lena leads them back to the couch. This time though, Lena doesn’t let go of Kara’s hand.

“How about I take you to my home this afternoon? I could order us some food and show you all of the pictures of Gracie from over the years.”

“I’d love that Lee.” Kara pauses before continuing. “I know… I know we have a lot to work through… and talk about still… I just… I want you to know how much you mean to me… I need you to know… I still love you.” Kara runs her thumb across the back of Lena’s hand, their fingers intertwined. She looks up to see green eyes staring intensely as she feels Lena slip her hand out of her own. Lena’s hands go to her own lap and anxiously twist each other.

“Kara… I… I need more time… it’s been seven years for me… Seven years that I’ve been raising a daughter who has reminded me of you with her clumsiness and her blond hair and her giant kind caring heart, every day. Seven years in which I didn’t receive a single message from you or anyone else from the future and the only person who did return, didn’t tell me anything that gave me any sense of hope that you would be returning. So… please… please understand… for me… the whole us thing… this will take time.” Lena tries to smile but finds her face frowning instead.

She has no idea how to work through her own anger and shock of Kara returning to her after seven years. Lena had grieved for Kara like she had died after moving to Metropolis. When she was still in National City, Lena carried a hope with her that Kara would return, that one day she would come home and Kara would just be there, curled up on their couch, and that would be that. But after Clark returned. That shattered Lena. It destroyed her. Alex and Kelly had to take Gracie for two weeks while Sam came to National City to help Lena put herself back together. That was when they decided she needed to leave, that she couldn’t stay in a city where a ghost haunted her every day. After moving to Metropolis, Lena decided that she had to face facts, that Kara had made her choice, and that she was never coming back. So, Lena grieved the loss of her wife and accepted the role of being a single mother. In some ways, she grew to love it. She loved spending her evenings with Gracie where they had dinner and science projects and story time and played games together. Of course, the imposters showing up at Lcorp were a painful reminder of what she had loss, but Lena got used to after four years.

“I understand Lena, I do.” Kara says, pulling Lena from her own haunted memories. Lena gives her a grateful smile. An awkward silence settles between them for a moment before Lena clears her throat and stands up, saying with a forced smile on her face, “Well, I believe I promised someone pictures of Gracie.”

Kara takes her cue and returns the smile, though hers is a bit more genuine. Kara is excited to see as much as possible, the life of the daughter that she has missed out on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are wonderful humans for reading this story and giving me all the kudos and comments! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena learns more about what happened in the future while Kara learns more about Gracie. Kara and Gracie finally meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is lots of angst and some fluff finally. 
> 
> TW: For those of you who are already very mad/angry/upset with Mon El and Winn... You are about to be even more so after reading this chapter...

As Kara follows Lena into the penthouse, her heart is racing. Here is a home, she can feel it. There are rows of pictures in the hallway as they enter. Kara sees photo after photo of Lena and Gracie together from when Gracie was a baby up until Gracie as she is now. Some of the photos are candid, others are professional. In all of them, Kara can feel the love that Lena has for Gracie. She can tell just how different they are from any of the Luthor family photos that Lena was forced to be in growing up.

Lena leads Kara down the hallway and into an area with a kitchen and dining area. On the refrigerator are several drawings done by Gracie.

“Tea?” Lena asks. Kara nods, but doesn’t turn away from taking in the drawings. Lena notices but does not comment as she makes her way around the kitchen and prepares the tea. Several of the drawings are clearly of Lena and Gracie together, out and about at different places around the world. There is one of them in front of the Eiffel Tower. Another one of them in front of the Statue of Liberty. And a third of them at Stonehenge.

“You and Gracie seem to travel a lot.” She has a hard time keeping the jealousy of lost and missed time out of her voice. Lena takes in a deep breath as she makes her way into the living room with the tray of tea. Kara follows her, silently. They sit on opposite ends of the couch.

“Gracie and I travel as often as we can, yes. She enjoys seeing various sites. Gracie has such a curious mind and loves to learn about different cultures and people. And with having the Lcorp jet at our exposal, it makes traveling convenient.”

“Those were all supposed to be stops on our honeymoon.” Kara says it as she stares down at her cup of tea, clearly lost in a memory.

“Gracie likes to feel close to you, even though she has never met you. We both do, I suppose going to those places helps us do that.”

Kara’s eyes fill up with tears once again, a constant theme of the day, as she takes a drink to hide it. With a quivering voice, Kara says, “I’m sorry it took me so long to come back to you. I’m sorry I never got your message in the future. I’m sorry I ever left in the first place.”

Lena gives Kara a soft smile as her hand reaches across the gap. She lays it gently on top of Kara’s hand. “I know. Kara, I know. It took me a long time to work through how we left things. I know at the end of the day, you are who you are, the hero, and you would always make the tough call. The important thing is that you are here now.” Kara returns her smile, finally looking up at Lena.

Lena takes a sip of her own tea and then sets it down. “Can I ask you a question though, why would you come back now? I mean, how did it work exactly that you came back here and now?”

Kara chews on the bottom of her lip, contemplating how best to explain it. Her memory flashes back to waking up again in the pod and what happened afterward. Kara skimmed over this part the first time she told Lena the story. In part because she was very wrapped up in telling her about the attack, about dying… but also in part because she knew this part of the story might be even more hard for Lena to hear. It was very hard for Kara to deal with. She still hasn’t really accepted what happened, if she was being honest with herself.

“Lee… there’s a bit more to my story… about what happened… after I woke up.”

Lena raises an eyebrow, curious and terrified at the same time. “I’m listening.”

Kara takes a few deep breaths, calming herself as she prepares to tell Lena the part that might be even worse. Because it involves being betrayed by her friends.

_When Kara was finally pulled from the pod, Winn was the first person she recognized. It took a few minutes before her memory of the events, of where she was, had come back to her. During that time, all she kept doing was asking “Where’s Lena?” and all she was met with was a look of sadness and guilt from Winn. When her brain finally caught up with the present, Kara pulls Winn in for a tight hug. “You saved me,” she says, her voice full of gratitude for one of her oldest friendships._

_She had no idea her world was about to shatter._

_Winn helps her up and over to a chair. “How are you feeling?” He asks as he pulls out a communication device and sends out a signal to Mon El._

_“Um… tired? Which is weird, I mean, I assume I’ve been out for a few days.”_

_Winn freezes when he hears Kara say days and stares at her. “What is it Winn?”_

_“Um… Kara… it’s been more than a few days.”_

_Kara’s head tilts to the side, trying to comprehend what exactly he is trying to tell her. “What do you mean? How long has it been?”_

_At that moment, a voice from behind Kara speaks up, “Ten months.” Kara turns to see a gruff, ragged looking Mon El looking at her. He approaches the two of them, coming shoulder to shoulder with Winn and turning to face Kara. “I’m glad you’re finally awake.”_

_“Ten… months… how…” Kara mumbles more to herself than to the men before her as her eyes glaze over. Winn and Mon El look at each other concerningly._

_Mon El clears his throat. “I know that might come as a bit of a shock. You weren’t exactly alive when we found you. You were exposed to raw kryptonite; we have no idea for how long…”_

_“I remember what happened to me, Mon El.” It comes out husky, her throat still trying to remember how to talk. Kara stands up slowly, facing them. “It’s been too long. I need to go home.”_

_Winn gives Mon El an indecipherable look. Mon El clears his throat. “Kara, slow down. You just woke up. We need to make sure you are back at full strength before we send you anywhere.”_

_Kara pauses and takes stock of herself. She can clearly tell something is still wrong. Her strength has not yet returned. She feels very drained despite just waking up. “I think I need to go rest.”_

_Winn gives her a pitying look and reaches out to help her. Kara gives him a sharp look. “I’ve got it.” Kara makes her way over to a nearby cot and lays down, she faces towards the wall, closing her eyes._

_She hears Mon El and Winn make their way to the door. “We will be around if you need anything,” Winn says softly before closing the door, leaving it cracked. Kara takes a few deep breaths, shuttering as the last moments of her life flash before her eyes. She remembers the excruciating pain she felt when the kryptonite blade cut across her eye as her hand gingerly traces the scar across her eye. A permanent reminder of the battle. Kara squints her eyes closed as tears come out, she tries to slow her racing heart. Eventually, Kara is able to calm down enough that she eventually drifts off to sleep._

_Winn works closely with Kara over the next few weeks, helping her to get function back with her body and with the powers she has left. Mon El barely comes around, claiming he is busy with managing troops and other duties as one of the leaders. Kara knows this is true, but she can’t shake the feeling that he is hiding something from her._

_Being around Winn again reminds her of her first couple of years as Supergirl, with Winn wanting to help her and test out her abilities. Except now, she can tell there is something off with him. She tries asking about the war, about what has happened over the past ten months. But often Winn skirts around her questions, answering in vague ways. All she really manages to learn is that they were able to rescue Clark and send him back right away, per Kara’s request. This means he was sent back without knowing about Kara holding off the enemy and being struck down, or about her ten month stay in the healing pod. The other things Kara picks up on are that while the enemy has been scattered thanks to what Kara and Clark did several months ago, they have been strategic in their attacks back. What that means exactly, Kara isn’t sure. She can tell it is wearing on Mon El when she does catch a glimpse of him, with his sunken eyes and unkempt facial hair. This war has been raging for far too long. Kara hopes for his sake that it comes to an end soon._

_Slowly but surely, Kara’s strength starts to come back. She isn’t the hero she was before. Some of her powers are completely gone while others seem to be significantly weakened. Her vision is gone. Her hearing has yet to return though Winn has hope it will. Her flying is intact, but she can’t maintain the distances and speeds that she used to be able to hold. Kara notices the fatigue, so much more present than ever before. She needs more breaks, more rest, and more sleep._

_It’s been a few weeks since she awoke. When Kara awakes, it is to voices. At first, they sound like they are right next to her. But when she wakes up slightly more, she realizes her superhearing, or at least part of it, has returned and what she is hearing is coming from the hallway, just outside the room. It is Mon El and Winn in a heated but quiet discussion._

_“We shouldn’t have kept the message from her Mon El. We should have told her before sending her in to rescue Kal El.”_

_“You and I both know if we had told her, she wouldn’t have gone. We needed her to lead the rescue mission. Otherwise, we would have lost Kal. And she would have never forgiven herself for that. I had to make a strategic decision for the war.”_

_“And now? Why haven’t we told her about the message since she woke up? Why have you commanded me not to tell her? And furthermore, how are you going to tell her that her only way home to the past has been destroyed? Why are we keeping all of this from her?”_

_She hears Mon El take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “We are rebuilding the portal. It will be done soon enough.”_

_“It’s messed up man. It’s so messed up. I can’t keep doing this.” She hears Winn’s steps receding down the hallway. Mon El stands outside the room, his breathing slow and deep. It’s a few seconds before he too walks away, heading in the other direction._

_Kara sits up after that, trying to process, trying to understand what it is she just overheard. She isn’t sure what message they are talking about. However, she is pretty sure she understands exactly what Winn meant when he mentioned her way home to the past is broken. Her way back to Lena._

_Kara stands up and makes her way out of the room, heading out of the medical bay and out of camp. She has come somewhat familiar with the planet they are currently on, with Winn taking her for tests around the base, but not venturing far away. She does know though, that Mon El can most often be found at the base of operations with the other generals. Meanwhile, Winn can be found working over with the science team._

_Kara makes her way over to the science building, wandering down the hallway, checking each room until she finds the one with Winn. He is currently bent over some kind of futuristic microscope._

_“Winn.”_

_He nearly hits his head on the ceiling he jumps so high._

_“Kara! You surprised me.”_

_“You need to send me home. Now.”_

_He stumbles around the table to get to Kara. “Um… what do you mean? You aren’t fully healed. You can’t go back until you are healed. They need Supergirl.”_

_“Winn. I have been gone for a year. An entire year. Because of you and Mon El. Because of YOUR CAUSE. All I want right now is to be home. I want to see the people I love most again. I want to see Alex and Lena again.”_

_She knows she is pushing. She is pushing Winn because she knows between the two of them, he will break first._

_Winn stammers and stumbles, trying to come up with another excuse, a way to reason with Kara but fails. She cuts him off. “You and Mon El have been lying to me, since before the… incident.”_

_“Kara… you have to understand.”_

_“Understand what Winn? You took my life away from me!”_

_“We thought you would be able to go back right away after Clark. We had no idea that the bombing would happen right as he was being sent back. We aren’t even sure exactly what time he got sent back to. Like, we know approximately, but we are pretty sure it isn’t exactly the time he came from…” Winn rambles, clearly nervous now that the proverbial cat is out of the bag. Or in this case, several cats are out of the bag._

_“Winn… I cannot believe… I walked away from my wife. My WIFE of one day to come to the future. I know… I know I will make the big sacrifices… but now? Now all I want is to see her again. So, I am not asking you, I am telling you, send me home. We are done here. I am done here.” The finality of the statement is not lost on Winn. He knows they cannot ask Kara for help again. He prays they never have to._

_“Kara… it… the portal… it isn’t ready yet… if we get the calculations wrong… there is no telling when you will end up.”_

_“Winn, I swear to Rao.” Kara’s jaw is tight, her teeth grind as her anger climbs._

_Winn throws his hands up in surrender. “Ok, ok. Let’s go.”_

“Kara, that was so risky.”

“I was only off by seven years,” she says with a smile, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I cannot believe they kept all that from you. They kept my message from you. I swear I have half a mind to build a time machine and go into the future and kick both of their asses.”

This elicits a chuckle from Kara. “Trust me, when Mon El caught us at the machine, I punched him as hard as I could. And as usual, he was not expecting it.”

Lena smiled proudly. “Good.”

Lena gives Kara’s hand a soft squeeze as she stands up and makes her way across the small room, retrieving a box from the bottom shelf of a bookshelf and returning. This time, she sits next to Kara, their legs lightly touching.

“This contains several picture books that I’ve had made over the years, one for each year of Gracie’s life.” She pulls out the one representing the first year of Gracie’s life and hands it to Kara, setting the box down on the floor next to them.

Kara’s eyes water again as she stares down, her hands shaking as she contemplates opening the photo album. “Will you… will you stay with me Lee? Tell me about the photos? The stories behind them?”

Lena smiles again, this time her own eyes filling with tears. “Of course, Darling.”

The two women spend the next couple of hours going through the six books. Kara is surprised to see Alex, Kelly, and their children making appearances throughout, especially in books 1-3. It makes her happy to see pictures of all of them. Kara is surprised to see one photo of Gracie with a cast on her arm when she looks to be around the age of three. She looks at Lena with a shocked face.

“I told you she is clumsy like you. However, unlike you, she is very breakable.” Lena winks. “She was running through the penthouse in National City playing her favorite game at the time – Superhero. You can guess who she was pretending to be.” This elicits a blush from Kara. “Anyway, long story short – she jumped from the couch to the chair to the air pretending to fly and the next thing I know she is on the floor with her arm bending the wrong direction.”

The two women continue looking through the picture books. Once Lena relocated to Metropolis, there are many more pictures of Gracie and Lena with Sam and Ruby. It fills Kara’s heart with joy to see all the smiles and candid photos of her own daughter, enjoying a relatively normal life (as normal as one can be when you are as rich as a Luthor). She sees photos of Gracie playing soccer with Ruby. She sees school photos. She even sees actual photos of Gracie and Lena together from their worldly travels. Kara starts to notice a pattern in those particular photos, specifically that Lena and Gracie are always doing the Supergirl pose.

“Lena…” she doesn’t say anything else, simply points.

Lena sighs. “It was Gracie’s idea when she was almost five and she finally understood who you were. I showed her photos of you, both of you as Kara Danvers and as Supergirl. Right after that, we went on another trip, and she said we should start doing the Supergirl pose for our silly photos.”

Kara smiles wide, full of love for a daughter she has never met.

“Lee… she is so beautiful. So happy.”

“She is so smart too. And so caring,” Lena adds, making Kara smile widen. Lena regards Kara closely. It’s been a heavy day, but also a day she never thought would happen. And while she has no idea where her and Kara stand personally, she thinks that maybe, maybe it is time for Kara and Gracie to meet.

Lena bumps Kara lightly with her shoulder. “Do you think you are ready to meet her, Kara?”

Kara’s mouth drops open and she fumbles over her words, much like she did upon first meeting Lena. “Um… me… what… I mean, what about her? Aren’t we more concerned about whether she is ready to meet me?”

“Oh, Darling, she is more than ready to meet you. But I don’t want to rush this. I want you to feel ready. I never expected you to return with no knowledge of her. I didn’t know you would come back having been through what you have been through.”

Kara stares deeply into Lena’s eyes for a moment before looking back down at the last family photo in the final book. She looks back at Lena. “I’m ready. I want to meet her. I want to meet my daughter.”

Lena smiles widely. “I’ll make some calls and have my driver pick her up early from school.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite Kara’s momentary bravado, her anxiety spiked the moment Lena got off the phone with the school. They decide to have Gracie come home and have Lena talk to Gracie first, and then have Gracie meet Kara. Lena showed Kara to her bedroom and planned to have her wait there until Lena talked to Gracie. Lena is sitting on the bed, watching Kara pace back and forth, practically wearing a hole in the floor. Lena frowns.

“Kara, Darling, talk to me.”

Kara stops pacing and faces Lena, a nervous expression written on her face as she chews on the inside of her cheek intently. Kara rattles off her worries. “What if she doesn’t like me? What if I am nothing like she expects? What if she hates me for being gone for so long?” 

Lena pats the bed next to her and Kara hesitates slightly before sitting down next to her. Lena finds herself again reaching out and putting her hand on Kara’s.

“Our daughter has heard many stories about her mother, Kara Danvers. So many stories from me, her Aunt Alex, Aunt Kelly, and Aunt Sam, even Ruby. She is also aware that her mother is Supergirl, which means that she has heard some amazing Supergirl stories but also some not nice things that people have had to say about Supergirl. Trust me when I say, she has already heard the good and the bad. The important thing though, is that I have never hid the truth from her. She has been able to ask me questions her entire life and I have never hidden things from her. She has known for a while now that you went into the future before she was born, before you knew about her, and that I attempted to send a message to you in the future. She also knows that time travel is a tricky business, and you might have never come back… needless to say, I think we will both be glad to be wrong about that last thing.” Lena finishes with a sly smile.

“Right… right…” Kara gives Lena a smile, trying to reassure herself just as much as Lena.

“Just breathe, Darling.” Lena finds herself intertwining her fingers with Kara’s and gentle caressing the back of Kara’s hand, a natural habit of theirs from years prior. Before she can overthink it though, she hears the door code being entered. She nods at Kara and stands up to make her way out, leaving Kara alone in the bedroom.

Kara takes a few more deep breaths and finally looks around the room, taking it in for the first time. She does this in part to distract herself but also out of curiosity. Lena’s bedroom is a simple design. She has a nightstand on one side. By the window there is a chair and a small bookshelf with some books on it. Kara imagines Lena sitting there with Gracie in her lap, reading stories aloud to her at night. She walks over to the master bathroom and sees Lena still has everything very much in order in her own bathroom, everything in its place, as usual. This makes Kara smile, knowing some things about Lena are still the same. She walks past the bathroom and glances into the walk-in closet. Kara almost didn’t see it and in fact she does a double take and takes a few steps inside to confirm what she saw. She notices some clothes in the back quarter of the closet, under clear plastic to keep them nice, that were clearly not Lena’s style. Kara takes a closer look, her breath hitching when she realizes what it is. Lena must have ordered a small number of clothes in Kara’s style and size and had them stored in the back of her closet… just in case. For someone who keeps reminding Kara she never thought she was coming back, this is a small sign that a part of Lena maybe never lost hope. And this here, gives Kara the hope she needs that maybe, just maybe, she can be more than just a part of Gracie’s life now that she has returned.

Meanwhile, Lena greets Gracie at the front door.

“Mommy! Are we going on another trip?” Lena leads Gracie into the living room, smiling widely at her daughter, trying not to cry. “No sweetie, I do need to talk to you about something though.”

Gracie frowns. “Am I in trouble? I swear I didn’t tell anyone else about mommy being Supergirl!”

“No, no, you are not in trouble baby girl. I do want to talk to you about mommy though.”

Lena sits down and pulls Gracie up into her lap. Gracie looks curious into her eyes, her green eyes shining brightly behind her bright blond hair. It’s a glorious combination of Kara and Lena’s physical traits.

“Do you remember how, when we talk about mommy and how she had to go into the future, that someday, she might come back?” Gracie nods but doesn’t speak. “Well, what would you say if I said she was back, today?” Lena smiles wide. Gracie’s mouth falls open, almost identical to the expression her mother was giving a few hours ago. “Really?” She finally asks. Lena nods. “Yes, would you like to meet her?” Gracie hops up, standing tall and looking around, expecting Kara to appear out of thin air. “Where is she?”

Lena chuckles as she stands up. “Sweetie, come with me.” She holds out her hand and Gracie gladly takes it. Lena leads Gracie back to her bedroom. She knocks once on the door before opening it slowly.

Kara is standing across the room, just outside the closet. Lena leads Gracie into the room, noticing the firm grip her daughter has on her hand.

“Gracie, this is your mom.” Gracie stands staring for a moment as Kara gives her a small smile.

“Hi, Gracie. It’s so nice to meet you.” Kara doesn’t dare take a step forward, though she wants to run up to the child so badly and take her in her arms. She waits patiently for Gracie to make the first move.

Lena stands by, still holding Gracie’s hand. Gracie looks up to Lena, who gives her an encouraging smile. Gracie looks back at Kara and releases her own grasp on Lena’s hand. Lena takes the cue and loosens her own grip, freeing Gracie to do what she wants. Gracie walks slowly up to Kara, who bends at her knees so she is eye level with Gracie. When Gracie is with arms reach, she reaches out and touches Kara’s hair.

“Your hair is very soft and blond, like mine.” Kara’s eyes fill with tears. “Thank you,” she says. She glances at Lena, who is still standing by the door, her own eyes full of tears.

Gracie’s hand makes its way to Kara’s face and lightly touches the scar over her eye. “Someone hurt you?” She asks with curiosity and awe.

Kara gulps. “Yes sweetie, someone did hurt me.”

Gracie stares at Kara’s face intently. Kara smiles back and waits patiently.

“Can I hug you?” Gracie asks. Kara smile widens even further. “If you want to, I would love that.”

And in that moment being hugged by her own daughter, Kara is so overwhelmed with joy. She envelops her daughter, wrapping her own arms around the young girl and picking her up. She barely hears Lena sniffling in the background.

“What do you say we make this a family hug?” Kara asks Gracie, whispering in her ear. Gracie giggles and responds in a hushed tone. Before Lena knows it, she is bombarded by Kara and Gracie, both of whom are hugging her.

It’s the family reunion Lena never imagined would happen, the one she had given up on, the one she had forced herself to stop imaging so long ago.

When they finally pull away, both Kara and Lena have happy tears streaming down their faces. Gracie is smiling widely and has permanently attached herself to Kara’s side. Kara and Gracie make their way to the living room, where Gracie insists on showing her all the pictures, which Kara gladly agrees to see again. Lena puts herself in charge of ordering them all dinner, after which she excuses herself to call Sam and Alex. Kara gave her a sideways look. Lena gave her a reassuring smile and mouths “you’ll be fine,” before stepping into her home office.

Sam doesn’t even give Lena a chance to say hello before calling her out. “Hey boss, what’s up? I heard you canceled all your meetings for the day, including ours.”

“Sam. It’s Kara.” Lena’s breath stalls as she is unsure of what else to say exactly.

“Holy shit, wait, Lena, really? I mean, are you sure?”

“It’s her Sam. She is back from the future. She showed up at Lcorp this morning.”

“Wow. I mean. Wow. I suppose that does warrant canceling all your meetings for the day, even mine. So, like, are you ok? What’s going on?”

Lena takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “It’s only been a year for her, most of which she spent unconscious… or maybe kind of dead… it’s a little unclear to be honest…” Lena gives Sam the brief rundown of her conversation with Kara from earlier that day. “She is in the living room now with Gracie. God, seeing them together, it is uncanny how many mannerisms Gracie somehow got from Kara without ever even meeting her…”

“Ok ok… but how are you feeling? How are you dealing with it all?” Sam is never the one to beat around the bush and is also the one who is always watching out for Lena.

Lena pauses and takes a moment to reflect on her own emotions. “Today… when I first saw Kara… I was so shocked… and then I was so angry… and then… when Kara broke down… something inside me also broke… there is something broken inside her Sam.”

“That doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be upset with her. It’s been seven years, Lena.”

Lena lets out a long, deliberate sigh. “I know. I just… I guess I am still processing everything. I have a swirl of emotions right now… anger that she ever left to begin with… sadness over what happened to her… shock but also relief that she is finally back…”

“Like you said, you have a lot to process. Just make sure you don’t keep it all in. That’s the old Lena’s way of doing things.” The reminder from Sam, of how Lena used to deal with her own emotions by not dealing with them, makes Lena thankful for her friendship with Sam. “And you know that means talking to your wife about what you are feeling, right?”

Lena grits her teeth, because yes, she does know that Sam is right. “One thing at a time, Sam. Right now, Gracie is getting to know her mother. I can talk to my wife about my mixed bag of emotions about her return later.”

Sam chuckles. “Yes, I suppose that is true because, Sweetie, your wife, Kara, she really is back.”

“Yeah.” Sam can hear the smile on Lena’s face as she responds.

“So, what are you doing on the phone with me?”

Lena laughs. “Well, there is one thing I wanted to ask…”

After Lena finishes the phone call, she gives Alex a quick call. “Luthor. Finally. I take it my sister finally made her presence known.”

Lena chuckles. “She did… thank you for calling me and trying to give me a heads up the other day.”

“Oh… you’re… you’re welcome.”

“And I wanted to let you know that she is here now… with Gracie.”

“Oh, Lena, that’s wonderful,” Alex responds happily. “I can’t tell you how upset she was when I had to break the news to her…”

“We… we still have things to work on… between us… but Gracie is her daughter. I would never keep her from her child.”

“Of course not, Lena.”

“Anyway, Alex, I wanted to tell you that I think Kara will be staying here with Gracie and me for a while. And we may be doing some traveling.”

Alex chuckles. “Ah, you are going to take Kara on the infamous Gracie world tour.”

Lena laughs in response. “You know me well, Danvers.”

“Well enjoy it. You two have a lot of missed time to make up for.”

“Thank you, Alex, we will talk to you soon.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Lena makes her way back out to the living room, she finds Gracie being enraptured by Kara, who is telling her a story about how Supergirl and Lena Luthor took down some big bad. It’s quite an epic tale and Gracie is loving every second of it. Lena sits down on the couch next to Gracie as Kara jumps around in front of them, animating the action scenes for them.

Kara continues to tell stories for Gracie as the food arrives and the three of them eat. Once the food runs out and the final story finishes to a round of applause from Gracie and Lena and a bow from Kara, Lena finally interjects with her plan.

“So, how would you two feel about taking a family vacation?”

Gracie squeals with delight as Kara’s eyes light up. “Can you do that Lena? I mean, with Lcorp and everything?”

“Sam will take care of everything while I’m gone. It will give the three of us time to bond.” Kara doesn’t miss the meaning behind Lena’s statement. This isn’t just a chance for Gracie and Kara to connect. It is a chance for Kara and Lena to reconnect too.

“Well ok then. I mean, I think I might technically be legally D-E-A-D, so I don’t exactly have a job or any responsibilities to take care of.”

“It’s settled then, we will finalize arrangements tomorrow morning and fly out tomorrow afternoon.”

This is met by another round of excited squeals from Gracie and a giant smile from Kara.

“Alright Gracie, give your moms a hug and go get ready for bed.” Gracie gives a small pout as she hugs Lena and then Kara, before making her way slowly down the hallway and towards her bedroom. Once she is out of earshot, Kara settles onto the couch, close to but not touching Lena.

“Wow… Lena… Gracie is just… amazing. You did so good.”

Lena smiles, her cheeks turning a slight red. “She has some good genetics.”

Being reminded of such things, Kara asks, “Has… has she shown any signs of taking after my… my more extreme traits?”

“You mean superpowers?” Kara nods. “Not yet, but Clark’s children didn’t exhibit powers until they were teenagers, so it could be we won’t know until she is a little bit older.”

Kara sits back, taking in the new information. “What about you, Kara? You mentioned you don’t have all of your powers anymore. Aside from your heat vision, what else did you lose in the future?”

Kara sighs, thinking about how to explain exactly. “My superhearing is still here, sort of, at like 50% capacity, same with superspeed. I can still fly. But in general, my stamina is severally diminished. I become tired much quicker… like… like a human would.”

“Prolonged exposure to the kryptonite? It somehow changed your cells ability to take in the light from the sun.” Lena asks.

“Presumably, yeah.”

“Is it permanent?”

“I… I don’t know. And I don’t think I want to know.” Lena doesn’t ask any more questions, noticing Kara becoming increasingly more uncomfortable with this line of questioning.

“Well, I know it is getting late and we both had quite the… emotional day. We have a spare bedroom I can take you to.”

Kara follows Lena silently, realizing that while Lena has allowed her back in her life to get to know Gracie, she still must get to know Lena again, too. Once in the room, Kara turns back to Lena.

“Thank you, Lena, for everything.”

Lena nods and gives her a small smile. “You know where my room is if you need anything. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.” Kara nods. And with that, Lena closes the door, leaving it slightly ajar as she makes her way down the hallway to the master bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this story has developed, it is looking like it might need to be more like 6 or 7 chapters instead of 5. This Kara and Lena still need some time to work through their problems and reconnect while Kara also gets to know Gracie and learns how to parent...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara has a nightmare. Lena and Kara prepare for the family trip. First stop - Ireland.

Lena stares at the ceiling of her bedroom, her mind racing, trying to comprehend the events of the day.

Kara was back. She was really back.

Gracie had finally met her mother.

Lena, having her own mother taken from her at such a young age, knows she would never keep Gracie from Kara. She may have no idea exactly what her feelings are for Kara in this moment, but she knows a child deserves the chance to have their parents in their life. Lena lets out a long sigh, as waves of emotion flow through her.

She recalls the image of Kara standing before her in her Lcorp office, her eyes full of tears as she reaches out to Lena. Even now, after all this time, it is hard for her to say no to Kara.

The longer Lena lays in bed, the more awake she feels, her body practically vibrating. She finds herself in the kitchen, filling up a glass of water. It’s on her way back to her bedroom that she hears it. The door still slightly ajar, she hears Kara whimpering. Lena pauses at the door, unsure of exactly what she is hearing, she listens intently. A few seconds go by before Kara’s whimpers turn into full words.

“No… please… no… Lena…” Kara’s breathing becomes increasing erratic. Lena opens the door and sees Kara twisting and turning in her sleep. She approaches the bed, setting the glass of water on the bedside table.

“Stop… please… Send me back… please… Lena…”

“Kara, wake up, you’re dreaming.” Lena tries to wake her up with her voice only, but Kara’s face continues to be scrunched in distress as her breathing quickens. Lena recalls that every so often, Kara would have nightmares about her past, about her time in the pod after leaving Krypton or about her time at the vanishing point during crisis. Sometimes they were even about the day Lena left her at the Fortress of Solitude. Lena particularly hated those nightmares.

Lena reaches her hand out and puts it on Kara’s shoulder, shaking gently. “Kara, wake up.” Suddenly Kara jumps up, sitting straight up, she lunges, her arms swinging forward. Lena jumps back, barely dodging Kara’s arms. “Woah, Kara, it’s me, it’s Lena.”

Kara takes a few deep breaths, her eyes wide and wild as they dart around the room before settling on Lena. Her voice comes out in ragged breaths. “I… I really made it back… it wasn’t just a dream.” It sounds like she is talking to herself more than to Lena.

Lena takes a few tentative steps forward and when Kara doesn’t react, she sits down on the bed, putting a hand on Kara’s arm. “Yes, Kara, you are back. You are back in the past, with me and with Gracie, remember?”

“Gracie… yes… you and Gracie…” Kara’s eyes are glazed over, lost to a memory that was plaguing her dreams.

They sit like that for a few more minutes while Kara’s breathing and heart rate return to normal. “I’m sorry that I woke you up, Lena.”

“You didn’t Kara, I was getting a drink from the kitchen when I heard you talking in your sleep.”

Kara nods. “Good… good…” Lena can tell she is still quite distressed from her dream.

“Do you… do you want to tell me about it?” She remembers how she used to curl up with Kara and Kara would tell her about the dreams. It became part of their routine when one of them was being haunted by their past.

Kara gives Lena an apologetic look. “Lee… you don’t have to do that for me… I… I get that things are not the way they used to be…”

Lena raises an eyebrow at Kara while lowering her head. “When have I ever offered to do something that I didn’t want to do?”

The playful tone isn’t lost on Kara. “I mean, you did date James…”

Kara can’t help but chuckle at her old joke as Lena responds, “We’ve been over this, that was clearly Sam’s fault. Power of suggestion and all that. And because someone else completely ignored by attempts at flirting for two years before that.” Lena gives her a knowing look as she readjusts herself on the bed so that her and Kara are now sitting side by side, their backs against the headboard.

“Now, tell me about this dream.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Lena wakes up the next day, it’s to the sound of Gracie giggling. She opens one eye to see Gracie standing in the doorway, but it’s the wrong doorway. That’s when she remembers the previous night. Kara’s bad dream.

Oh.

Oh no.

Lena takes in the rest of her surroundings, realizing that her and Kara must have drifted off to sleep while talking. The last thing she remembers is Kara telling her about the food in the future, and how much better it is now in the present. Lena is laying down on her back, her left hand intwined with Kara’s right hand, while Kara is on her side with her other hand wrapped protectively around Lena’s stomach.

Well, if this isn’t a blast from the past.

Fuck.

Gracie giggles again and then disappears, clearly headed for the kitchen. She might not have powers yet, but she has always had Kara’s appetite.

Lena is contemplating how to remove herself from the bed without disturbing Kara whenever the hand on her hip suddenly tightens and starts rubbing lighting on her skin. Because of course her shirt had ridden up during the night.

Lena is screaming internally.

She had forgotten how much of a cuddler Kara was, even in her unconscious, sleeping state, she could somehow sense Lena. Apparently, that has not gone away.

Lena reaches down with her free hand and lifts Kara’s hand up, attempting to remove it. She quickly finds that Kara has interlocked their fingers.

“Damn it, Kara,” she says under her breath.

“Lee…” a still asleep Kara responds with a smile. It would make Lena melt from adorableness if it wasn’t also irritating.

Lena sets the hand on Kara’s side and pulls her hand free, sliding out of bed as she attempts to pull her other hand free. As she does, she finds Kara’s hold tightening.

“Stay…” comes the unconscious request. Lena feels her entire body warm from the request. And she gives Kara sad smile, knowing she can’t, or she shouldn’t. She isn’t really quite sure anymore.

Lena uses her free hand to gentle caress Kara’s face, tucking some stray hair behind her head. She bends over and whispers, “Kara, let go.”

This seems to do the trick, as Kara’s grasp loosens just enough for Lena to pull her hand free. Kara doesn’t seem too disturbed as she curls back up on her side, still asleep.

Lena sighs out of frustration, in more ways than one, as she makes her way to the kitchen to check on Gracie. She finds her eating cereal and reading a book. She gives her a quick kiss on the head before making her way to her bathroom for a very, very cold shower.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time Lena makes her way out of her bedroom, she finds Kara eating a similar breakfast to her seven-year-old daughter. This is not a surprise to Lena, but it does make her chuckle to herself. If Kara remembers any of her sleepy time snuggling, she doesn’t mention it. Nor does she seem awkward or different around Lena. She continues to keep the same distance as yesterday, letting Lena initiate any and all physical contact after their initial hug the day before.

They spend the morning making arrangements for their trip. And when it is close to lunch time, Lena decides to bring up one more potentially sensitive topic for Kara.

“Kara, Darling, there is one more thing to take care of before we leave.”

Kara raises her eyebrows, confused. “What’s that?”

“Well… you… being alive.”

Kara tilts her head, still confused. Lena continues to explain. “Sam has been working all morning to get your passport and other paperwork taken care of. Also, she has prepared a statement from Lcorp that we are ready to release. It will be a blanket statement saying simply that you have been found alive and well and that we ask for privacy during this time.”

“Oh… so like… everyone will know that I am back now…”

“Right…” Lena doesn’t want to push, but she also knows that the news of Kara returning will get out eventually. And it is better for them to get ahead of it now.

“I… yeah… I guess that has to happen huh?”

“Kara?” Lena asks, concerned.

“My only concern was getting back to you… and once I knew about her, Gracie. I didn’t really think about the other stuff. So, whatever you think is best, Lee. I trust you.”

Lena can’t deny the warmth that spreads through her at hearing those words from Kara. She gives Kara a grateful nod and sends the message to Sam to go ahead with the announcement. They decided to use an old photo of Kara instead of a new one, given the scar on her face. Lena and Sam discussed it at length that morning while Kara played with Gracie. Lena decided that people might ask questions and if Kara does ever decide to become Supergirl again, they need to be able to figure out a way to separate or cover up or get rid of the scar for her.

Does Lena already have theories about what happened to Kara’s powers after the extended exposure to raw Kryptonite? Yes

Does she already have some working theories on how she might be able to restore most or all her powers? Yes.

Working with Reign all those years ago certainly helped with this. She had become very familiar with Kryptonian DNA because of it.

She just has to figure out how to tell Kara about all this. Because if Kara ever _does_ want her powers back, Lena would never want to hold her back from that. She knows what Kara told her yesterday, about just wanting to build a life with her and Gracie. But she also knows Kara. She knows that at her core, Kara is a hero. And at the end of the day, you can’t keep someone from being a hero, powers or not. And Lena would much prefer Kara to have her full arsenal of powers.

Biting her lip, Lena holds off on that particular conversation for now. She is concerned Kara is still a bit emotional from everything that has happened to her. Besides, it isn’t like we want Supergirl and Kara Danvers returning at the same time after being gone for so long. It was hard enough the first time, attempting to make it look like they didn’t both disappear at exactly the same time. They had J’onn fighting several battles as Supergirl for several months after Kara left. When it became clear that this was going to be a long-term mission, they decided it was best that the city got used to the idea of not having Supergirl. So, there was a clear year difference in the time between Kara’s “disappearance” and Supergirl’s off-world mission that the DEO announced. It was an entirely planned event. J’onn even made one last appearance as Supergirl at the press conference to thank the citizens of National City for being so welcoming, before flying off. It was quite the event and made headlines all around the world.

“Lee?” Kara asks, pulling Lena from her memories and contemplations.

Lena gives her a reassuring smile. “Yes, sorry, just lost in thought. Let’s go pack a bag for you, shall we? Gracie, you finish cleaning up your room, ok?”

The two make their way to the master bedroom. Kara watches as Lena goes into the closet and pulls out two suitcases and sets them both on the bed. She then makes her way back into the closet.

“Lena?”

“Yeah?” comes the somewhat muffled sound from the closet.

“I saw… some clothes… in the closet yesterday… that are definitely not yours.”

Lena comes walking out of the closet with a handful of her own clothes, a blush creeping up her face. “When I made the decision to move us to Metropolis, we left most of our belongings in National City. Alex agreed to keep an eye on the penthouse. We didn’t want to sell it… in case…” Lena lets the unsaid reasoning hang in the air as she looks at Kara with sad eyes.

“In case I came back looking for you.” Kara says it for her. “Which is exactly what I did.”

Lena nods. “That’s why Alex had the silent alarms installed. She got used to it being false alarms after seven years. I’m sure she was surprised to find you instead of some burglar or homeless person.”

Kara recalls how surprised Alex was when Kara came flying out of the closet and hugged her. She hums in response.

“Anyway, we moved here, and I had to practically buy all new things for us… Even then, I guess I wasn’t quite ready to give up hope… So, I also ordered some clothes in your size and style.”

Lena turns back to the bed and starts folding her clothes and placing them in her suitcase.

Kara’s brow crinkles as she thinks about what to do next. She takes a few steps towards the closet and then turns and walks towards Lena. She is a step away when she says Lena’s name softly.

“Lee.”

Kara is so close that Lena can feel the warmth that radiates off her. Lena sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly before she turns to face her.

“Thank you for not giving up on me. I know I didn’t really give you a reason to do that.”

Kara’s blue eyes are sparkling with so much love as they stare into Lena’s deep emerald eyes.

“Kara… I…”

“I know, you need time. I just need you to know I’m not going anywhere.”

With that, Kara turns and makes her way into the closet to snag the clothes that Lena had purchased for her missing wife four years ago. Lena stands there stunned for a few seconds before she is able to turn back to her own suitcase. And though they spend the rest of the time packing in relative silence, Lena’s mind is reeling.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the plane takes off a few hours later, Kara looks over at Lena who has a smile on her face as she watches Gracie in her own seat, preoccupied playing a game of chess on her tablet.

Kara kicks Lena’s foot. “I thought you hated flying,” she says with a smirk.

“Oh, I do. But I learned from Kaznia. Now I have self-flying planes that also include pilots. I certainly can’t be concerned about flying the plane with the little one on board. Of course, if I had known my best friend at the time was a Superhero…” Lena has a giant grin on her face.

Kara puts her hands up in defense. “Hey now, this was supposed to be about you and your fear of flying.”

Lena laughs hard at Kara’s antics, something she hasn’t done in a long time. It was something that few could really do, make Lena truly laugh. The sound of Lena laughing brings a giant smile to Kara’s face, like it used to do. Kara would do anything to hear that laugh again.

“Anyway, like I said, Gracie loves to travel. How could I possible resist taking that adorable child anywhere she wants? I mean, have you seen that face? That forehead crinkle? That pout?”

Lena pointing out all the facial features and mannerisms that Kara apparently passed onto their daughter isn’t lost on Kara. “She has a pout, huh?”

“Oh, it is insufferable. Impossible to say no to.” Lena responds sardonically, wearing a giant grin on her face, making Kara smile.

The two look over at Gracie to find she has fallen asleep in her seat. Lena lets out a content sigh as Kara turns her attention back to Lena.

“So, you told me a lot yesterday about Gracie, about her growing up the past seven years and everything…” Lena looks over to her, an eyebrow raised. “But what about you? What have you been up to these past seven years?”

Without a pause, Lena says, “I’ve been raising our daughter, Kara.”

Kara lets out an exasperated sigh. “I know that. I mean, what’s been going on with Lcorp? What big inventions have you come up with? What has been your favorite place to visit on your travels with Gracie? Has Alex been completely insufferable in my absence or has she been treating you ok? And how are Sam and Ruby? Do you all see each other often outside of work? You know, stuff like that.”

The questions Kara wants to really ask, she doesn’t. She wants to know if Lena tried dating anyone while she was gone. Not that she could blame her. It has been seven years. That is a long time to go without dating, without sex. She wouldn’t hold it against her. She holds back from asking though because she isn’t sure it is any of her business.

Lena gives Kara an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry Kara… I didn’t mean to snap. I just… I guess when I think back, I was very focused on Gracie. Part of that did mean we spent plenty of time with friends and family, including Aunt Alex and her cousins when we were still in National City. I am also happy to say there have been some major accomplishments at Lcorp I can tell you about…”

The two women spend a while talking about Lcorp and some of the advancements that have been made since Kara left. They talk about holidays with Alex and Kelly and their kids. Kara was excited to hear that Gracie and Lena still usually spend Christmas on the West Coast with everyone. Lena tells Kara about her Sunday brunches at Sam’s with Ruby and Gracie, about how Ruby is teaching Gracie how to play soccer and how Gracie and Ruby play chess together despite the age difference. Aside from a few people at Lcorp, Lena doesn’t mention anyone else in her life.

As much as Kara is trying not to bring it up, she isn’t the most subtle person. “So… anything else new in your life? Anyone else we haven’t talked about?”

It’s in that moment that Lena realizes exactly what Kara is asking.

“Kara Danvers. Are you seriously asking me if I’ve dated anyone since you’ve been gone?”

Kara’s face turns bright red. “Um… maybe?”

“Seven years Kara. Seven years.” Lena unbuckles her seat belt and stands up, walking away from the conversation to give herself some space. Kara stays seated, knowing she overstepped. She sinks down into her seat, berating herself for bringing the subject up.

Lena comes walking back, her hand raised, finger pointing at Kara. “You…” Her face contorts as her words fail her. She turns and walks away again. Kara wears the look of a guilty puppy who just got caught eating her owner’s shoes.

It’s a few minutes before Lena returns, clearly more in control of her emotions than before. She sits back down in her seat. Kara sits up straight and tall, at attention.

“Ok, first off, Kara, that was probably not the best way to ask that question. Nor the right time to ask it.”

Kara nods but doesn’t speak.

“Second off, if you would like to discuss my dating history, at least buy me dinner first.”

Kara’s mouth falls open. Lena is smirking. It’s playful Lena. The version of Lena that almost no one gets to see except for Kara.

It’s a few seconds before Kara’s brain is finally able to formulate any kind of response.

“Noted.”

“Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go check in with the pilots.”

And with that, Lena is gone again, and this time Kara is the one left with the reeling brain.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The plane touches down in Kerry, Ireland a few hours later. Of course, Gracie wanted to start with Ireland when Lena asked her that morning. Her exact words were “Castles! Castles!” Given the time difference, it is quite late when they land, so they make their way to their hotel. As Lena checks them into the extravagant hotel, Kara spots a news channel on at the hotel bar. She meanders over, leaving Gracie and Lena to check them all in.

Kara had forgotten. She had forgotten about the official announcement being released.

Apparently, the world had not forgotten about her.

Kara never considered herself a remarkable person. Sure, she won some awards for her journalism before leaving for the future. And she was used to being recognized as Supergirl of course. But Kara Danvers was quite able to fly under the radar quite easily.

But dating and then marrying Lena Luthor really put her in the spotlight of the media.

She had forgotten about that.

But here she was again, a photo of her from the day they got engaged, plastered on the tv screen, even here. Kara feels exposed, vulnerable. Her breath quickens as her heart rate rises. She can’t pull her eyes away from the screen, away from the photo of a woman she isn’t sure she is anymore. It’s odd. She feels like she was only gone for a few weeks. But in reality, she was gone for a year of her life. But to everyone else, she has been gone for over seven. Trying to wrap her head around all of that makes her feel dizzy.

She feels a soft hand on her shoulder. She turns to see Lena, one hand on her shoulder, the other holding hands with Gracie. Her face filled with concern. “Hey, what do you say we go up to our rooms?” Lena gives her a reassuring smile, trying to let her know that she understands without words. Kara’s smile is tentative at best as she follows Lena and Gracie to the elevator.

As they enter the room, Gracie spots the door, open to the adjoining room. She yelps delightedly. “I’m finally big enough for my own room!” And with that, she takes off to investigate the other room.

Lena chuckles as a blush creeps up her cheeks, looking at Kara. “I actually got the adjoining room for you… but… um…”

“It’s fine, Lee. Let the girl have her own room.” Kara looks around the room for a moment before pointing. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Lena frowns, then shakes her head. “Nonsense. It’s a king size bed. Surely we can share for a few days.” Lena’s cheeks continue to redden as the memory of that morning fills her head.

If Kara notices, she doesn’t comment. Instead, she gives Lena a grateful smile and nods before going to check on Gracie and tuck her in for the night. She hasn’t yet mentioned it to Lena, but another weird consequence of her incident are the body aches, particularly in her back. Almost like she has arthritis or is aging like a human… or something. Sleeping on a couch would have exacerbated the aching pain for her.

A knock at the door a minute later distracts Lena, as the hotel workers unload their bags for them. Lena brings Gracie her bag and helps Kara with the bedtime routine before they make their way back to the adjoining room. They each take a turn in the bathroom, changing into clothes more suitable for sleeping.

Kara lets Lena go first, so when she comes out, Lena is already in bed, reading a book. She is on her _usual_ side of the bed. Kara doesn’t comment on it, just makes her way to her side of the bed with a slight smile and climbs in.

At this point in the evening, this is when Lena would read, and Kara would usually look at cute animal videos.

“Hey Lee?”

“Hm?”

“I um… I don’t have a phone.”

Without further explanation, Lena hands Kara her phone. “The passcode is our wedding anniversary.”

Kara looks up from the phone, mouth hanging open. Lena, who can feel Kara staring at her, looks back over the top of her book. “What?”

“Isn’t that a little… obvious?”

That isn’t really the question Kara wanted to ask. But it is the one that stumbles out of her mouth.

Trying to play it nonchalant, Lena responds, “Obvious would be Gracie’s birthday. Considering the media had a field day when we finally had to report you missing with theories about why you left, I doubt most people would think that date means that much to me anymore.”

Kara sets the phone down, her interest piqued now. “What kind of theories?”

Lena smirks from behind the book. “Oh, you know, everything from you ran off with the maid, to I killed you and got away with it because there is no body. Oh, I even believe one far-fetched news article claimed you were abducted by aliens.”

Kara chuckles. “Oddly enough that was the closest to the truth.”

“Yes, we had to snuff that reporter out,” Lena deadpans.

Shocked, Kara reaches out with her hand and gently lowers the book, to find a smirking Lena.

“Oh, thank Rao, you’re kidding.” Lena’s smirk turns into a wide smile.

Kara bumps her with her shoulder. “ha ha, Lee.” With that, Kara opens the phone and starts attempting to catch up on all the cute and funny animal videos she has missed in the last seven years while Lena returns to her book.

Kara falls asleep midway through a video about a monkey and dog best friend. Lena finishes the chapter she is on, setting the book down, she picks up the phone that had slipped out of Kara’s hands and plugs it into the charger. She looks over at a sleeping Kara, soaking in how peaceful Kara looks while asleep, but only for a moment before she turns the lamp off. As the darkness settles in around her, Lena stares at the ceiling, wondering how to proceed with Kara. Kara loves the Lena from seven years ago. Will she still love this Lena when she gets to know her? How different is this Lena? Can Lena know herself?

Her memory flashes to a point from over a year ago.

_Sam and Lena were having a working lunch meeting, finishing up some budget paperwork on a new project. Sam had just signed the last of the documents when she brought it up._

_“Ok, so... There is one more thing we need to discuss today.”_

_Lena took a bite of her salad, eyeing Sam curiously. “What’s that?”_

_“You.” Lena simply raised a single eyebrow at Sam. Sam continued, “Specifically, you starting to date again.”_

_Lena nearly chocked on her kale. She took a sip of water to clear her throat. “Excuse me?”_

_“Lena, you know I love you. And I love Kara too. But she has been gone for more than five years. It’s been almost six at this point. I know you have Gracie and that you and Gracie are happy together.”_

_Lena now has a scowl on her face. “But?” She asks harshly._

_“But it’s time to put yourself back out there.”_

_“Sam. Kara and I are married.”_

_“I get that. I really do. But she isn’t here, is she? Besides, she would want you to find someone, to be happy, wouldn’t she? She wouldn’t want you to be this frozen version of yourself.”_

_“What is that supposed to mean?” Lena can feel her heartrate rising as her anger climbs._

_“It’s just… you’ve been stuck… frozen since she left. You haven’t really moved forward since then. Sure, you’ve been raising Gracie. But for your life, for you, you haven’t changed or grown, you’re still the same person you were when Kara left. I thought… I thought with you moving to Metropolis that things would get better… and I think to some extent they have… but you are still holding yourself back… you still have yourself walled off.”_

_Sam gave Lena a sad smile and excused herself after that to leave Lena with her thoughts._

_Lena went on exactly one date after that, if only to prove Sam wrong._

_She absolutely hated it._

These memories and thoughts plague Lena, keeping her from sleep for some time. She is still very awake when Kara rolls over and her hand brushes against Lena’s, sending a shiver through Lena that travels from her hand, up her arm, and through her entire body. She glances over to see Kara smiling in her sleep. Whatever Kara is dreaming about tonight, it is much better than last night, which makes Lena smile.

Lena finds herself watching Kara sleeping, as the moonlight peaks in through the window. Lena finds herself matching her breathing with Kara’s. Lena’s mind is suddenly filled with memories of Kara. Their first real date. Their first kiss. Kara being so nervous she almost drops the ring over the cliff when she proposes. As these memories take over Lena’s mind, it seems to help calm it, and eventually she too drifts off to sleep.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next few days are filled with excitement for the family. Kara and Lena take Gracie to explore castles around Ireland, from Ross and Listowel Castles in Kerry up to Malahide Castle just north of Dublin. They even make their way up into Northern Ireland to see Dunluce Castle. With each new adventure, Kara can’t help but watch in awe as Gracie’s eyes go wide as she takes in the steep cliffs that often surround the castles, or the stone walls that she can tell are so ancient compared to the buildings she finds herself in back home. The way she isn’t afraid to ask the workers questions amazes Kara. Lena was right, Gracie’s an adventurous and curious child. It warms Kara’s heart to see her so interested and happy to be learning about another culture.

So, it’s shouldn’t surprise either of them that in between all of their trips, when it is the three of them driving across the green countryside, Gracie is asking Kara about her home, about Krypton. Lena’s eyes go wide, and her knuckles go white as her hands grip the steering wheel the first time Gracie speaks up from the backseat, asking Kara what Krypton was like. Kara’s eyes go wide as she looks to Lena.

Lena says softly, hoping Gracie can’t quite hear. “She hasn’t really ever asked me about Krypton before. She probably wants to hear about it from you.”

Kara nods as she turns to face Gracie in the backseat. “What do you want to know about, Gracie?”

Gracie’s head crinkles much like Kara’s as she contemplates the question. “Did you have school on Krypton?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t exactly the same as here. We had pathways that we chose young, what we called guilds. I knew fairly early on that I was going to follow in my father’s footsteps and go into the science guild.”

“If you’d have stayed on Krypton, you’d have been like mom, a scientist.”

Kara feels her chest tighten at the idea of working side by side with Lena. A smile takes shape on her face. “Yeah, that’s right.”

“Why didn’t you become a scientist once you came here?”

Lena chuckles from the driver’s seat. Kara gives her an amusing glare. “Well, Gracie, you know how you like learning about Krypton and the other people and cultures?” Once Gracie gives her a nod, she continues, “When I got to Earth, I didn’t have a choice, I had to learn all the things about Earth. I had to learn the language, the mannerisms, the social protocols, all of it. Not to mention, I suddenly had all these powers that I was also now trying to hide. So, I was much more focused on all of those things I guess.”

Kara leaves it at that, not wanting to try to explain to her daughter that it had to do with wanting to blend in and not stick out. She doesn’t want to explain that science on Krypton was so much more advanced that she would have been labeled as gifted and that would have made her stick out. That would have made her a target. And she couldn’t have that. She was supposed to appear normal, average. For the sake of her own safety as well as the Danvers.

Kara feels Lena’s hand reach over and give her hand a gentle squeeze before returning it to the steering wheel. Lena knows the part she isn’t saying. It’s something they had talked about after they started dating, when Kara had finally laid out a lot of her past that she hid or only half told to Lena before Lena knew who Kara really was.

Gracie seemed satisfied enough by Kara’s answer and goes back to asking her about the guilds. They talk for a while about the different guilds on Krypton, Gracie enamored as she learns about them while Lena drives to their next destination, content to listen on in silence.

As they pull into a gas station to fill up, Lena hops out to fill up the tank while Gracie and Kara stay in the car.

“Mom?”

“Yeah sweetie?”

“Do you have weddings on Krypton like here?”

Surprised by the change of topic, Kara almost chokes on the water she is drinking. She clears her throat to buy herself a few seconds.

“Well, it was different. We did have bond pairing, like here. Where two people raised children.”

“What was different?”

“Well, for instance, we exchanged bracelets instead of rings.” Kara shows Gracie the silver bracelet still on her left wrist.

“Oh! That’s like mom’s bracelet. The one she keeps in her nightstand.”

Of course, Kara had noticed Lena wasn’t wearing their wedding bands. But after seven years and only one day of marriage, she couldn’t really blame her. She was too afraid to ask what happened to it. She never imaged Gracie would accidentally tell her about it.

“Oh yeah?” Kara says, unsure of what to say now.

“Yeah… it used to make her sad and make her cry a lot. So, she had to stop wearing it.” Gracie says it offhandedly, as children who are preceptive but don’t quite get the heaviness of what they are saying. It causes Kara’s chest to fall into her stomach, realizing the pain it must have caused Lena to have such a reminder of a life unlived, unfulfilled, every day.

At that moment, Lena opens the driver’s door and slides back into the car, oblivious to the heaviness in Kara.

“All set. Everyone good in here?” She asks as she buckles up. Kara gives her a forced smile as Gracie gives her a smile and nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has taken on a life of its own and I no longer have any idea where it is going...


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara continue their family vacation. They have a few surprises for each other...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took a little while to post compared to previous chapters. Been a weird week. I hope you all like it.

Lena was very good at keeping any sort of news or paparazzi from finding them. The fact that they kept moving on their family vacation helped. Even so, it didn’t stop Kara and Lena from being recognized by strangers on the street, particularly when they were in highly populated areas. Each time, Kara tended to freeze up, seemingly forgetting how to deal with the high-profile lifestyle of it all, or perhaps unsure how to address a complete stranger when they try to snap a photo. Lena on the other hand, is quick to act, having years of practice. She has particularly gotten even more protective since having Gracie, wanting to shield her from the public eye. She would quickly step in front of Kara and Gracie both, blocking them as much as she could from the camera as Lena would link hands with Kara and Gracie and make their way onward to their destination.

Kara can’t help but feel it every time Lena takes her hand. The same electrical spark that is somehow magnetic and calming all at the same time. She wants to ask Lena if she still feels it too. She is too afraid of the answer to ask.

In the evening, they have a bit of a routine now, with Lena and Kara sharing a bedtime routine with Gracie, taking turns reading her a bedtime story or having Kara tell her a Supergirl story. They continue to let Gracie have the adjourning room and while Kara is pretty sure they could get adjourning rooms with two beds in each, she doesn’t question the fact that the rooms only have one bed in each. And if some mornings she wakes up to find her arm tangled up with Lena’s, well, she wasn’t going to mention it.

By the end of their fifth day in Ireland, they board the Lcorp jet for their next destination. Kara is quiet as Lena takes care of buckling in Gracie herself, stealing glances over at Kara every so often. She can tell something is on her mind. As Lena busies herself getting some food for Gracie before takeoff, she remembers how easy it used to be. How easy it was for her to get Kara to open up to her. How confident she felt in her own abilities to do that. Granted at first, she just assumed it was a thing about Kara. That Kara was an open book. She learned later that Kara wasn’t quite as open with everyone. That there was something special about Lena that made Kara feel comfortable opening up to her, even if it was only in shades of the truth at first.

As Lena made her way back to her seat, Kara’s head was buried in a book Lena had bought for her earlier in the week. Lena watched and waited. When they were fifteen minutes into the flight and Kara had yet to turn the page, Lena knew something was definitely bothering Kara. She started chewing on her lip, concern for Kara filling her thoughts, causing her stomach to swirl with dread.

Lena took a deep breath and finally used her foot to nudge Kara. Kara’s eyes glance at her from overtop the book, finally meeting Lena’s eyes for the first time since boarding the plane.

Lena glanced over to see Gracie quite entertained by something on her tablet before turning back to Kara. “Is something bothering you?”

Kara’s eyes dart back down to the book as she looks away. “Everything is fine Lena.”

“Kara… please?”

Maybe it’s the softness, the tenderness, or the worry in her voice. Whatever it is, it makes Kara look back up to see Lena staring at her with so much concern… so much love. It’s a look she isn’t sure she has seen from Lena since her return. Kara takes a deep breath and sets the book down.

“I was just thinking about what we… what I am going to do… when we go back.” Kara’s eyes drift over to Gracie. She can’t imagine being separated from Gracie. It’s only been a week and she already feels so much love for this child. Her child. Her and Lena’s child. She looks back to Lena, the woman she still loves so much. She still feels like it was only a few short months ago that they were married. She wants so much to hug Lena, to kiss her, to love her as easily as she used to do. But she can’t. She can’t be the one to close that divide. She must wait on one side for Lena to do it.

“Kara, what do you mean, exactly?”

“I mean, people will want to know where I have been for seven years. And I’ll have to find a job and a place to live and all new clothes and stuff and everything.”

Before Kara can spiral into a rant of everything she will need to reacquire, Lena reaches across the seats and puts a hand on Kara’s knee. Though Kara runs naturally hot, she can feel the warmth from Lena radiating into her knee and up her leg. Her eyes glance from the hand on her leg up to Lena’s encapsulating green eyes.

“Kara, take a breath Darling.” Kara listens, taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly. Lena doesn’t take her hand away. “I already have everything set up to explain where you have been for the past seven years.”

“You do?” Kara asks, surprised.

Lena smirks. “Sam and Alex helped, of course.”

Kara’s head tilts slightly sideways. “Helped how? Where exactly have I been?”

Lena shows the slightest inclination that she is about to sit back in her seat and Kara finds herself reaching out and putting her hand on top of Lena’s. Lena’s eyes widen slightly for a millisecond before she bites her bottom lip in contemplation for a few seconds. The next thing Kara knows, Lena slides out of her seat and sits down next to Kara without ever removing her hand from Kara’s knee. Instead, her hand turns so that now Kara can intwine their fingers, which she happily does.

Once settled into her seat, Lena returns to the topic at hand. “The rest of the world will be told that Kara Danvers, ace reported for Catco, had to be put into witness protection for the FBI after she made some high up crime lords very angry. And it was only after the authorities were absolutely sure that it was safe for you to return were you able to return to your family. The reason I could not go with you is because I was considered too “high profile” and since we found out I was pregnant after you left, the FBI refused to change the course of plans. Hence why we asked for time for our family upon your return.”

“Lena, that’s genius.”

Lena can’t help but smile from Kara’s compliment. “Thank you, I quite thought so. I mean, I had plenty of time to think about how we would integrate you back into society when you returned. Sam, Alex, and I had everything set up ages ago. Alex organized everything through the DEO, including a paper trail and everything. If anyone went looking, they would see that you spent the last seven years living in some small town in Nebraska.”

“Why Nebraska?”

“Who wants to go to Nebraska?”

“Good point.”

“Now, as for the rest of your concerns. I don’t want you to ever feel like you aren’t welcome to stay with Gracie and me.”

“Lena, I want to respect your request for time.”

“I said I needed time Kara, not space. I want you to be around Gracie as much as possible. You’ve missed too much already… And besides, I would be lying if I didn’t also like having you around.” Lena blushes slightly at the confession. It’s true she has been struggling with her own confused, muddled emotions these last few days. The anger giving way to the pain she has been hiding, trying to forget. But she can’t forget. She hurt for so long after Kara left. Now she has to figure out how to explain that experience to Kara. And she certainly can’t do it if she isn’t around.

Kara nods as her thumb softly caresses the back of Lena’s hand. Kara looks down at their hands as she says softly, “Maybe… maybe you and I could spend some time together, just the two of us, sometime?” Kara says it almost more to herself, almost more as a wish than anything else.

“Well… I do actually have a surprise for you when we land in Rome.”

When Kara looks back up, Lena has a mischievous grin on her face, which only makes Kara light up. “What? What is it?”

“You’ll see, Darling. I will say… the surprise could assist you with getting your wish.”

With that, Lena gives Kara’s hand a squeeze with her own and stands up to go check on Gracie, leaving Kara to her own thoughts.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the plane touches down, Kara is bouncing on the balls of her feet, ready to see exactly what kind of surprise Lena has for her. Lena looks from Gracie on her one side to Kara on the other as they move to exit the plane and smirks sideways to herself.

“I can’t tell who is more excited to get off this plane… the seven-year-old child or her adult mother…”

Kara simply gives her a bright smile, a goofy expression on her face.

As the door opens and they head down the steps, the sun is shining bright overhead. It takes a moment for their eyesight to adjust. As they reach the bottom, Kara sees the car awaiting their arrival. She sees a door fling open and a familiar figure start to emerge.

“Alex!” she exclaims, looking at Lena in complete surprise. She looks back to see another figure emerge. “Kelly!”

Lena can’t help the smile spreading over her face at seeing how happy seeing Alex and Kelly makes Kara.

“Lee, thank you, seriously, thank you.” Without thinking, Kara reaches out, squeezes Lena hand with her own, all while also bending over to give Lena a quick kiss on the cheek. Kara pulls away after that and sprints to give her sister and sister-in-law a hug.

Lena’s now free hand finds its way to her own cheek as she makes her way slowly to the group with Gracie. Lena’s mind is racing as she processes the feelings that came from a simple kiss on the cheek from Kara, all while realizing that Kara probably doesn’t realize what she did in her excitement.

Meanwhile, Kara hugs Alex and Kelly, only to find their two children climbing out of the back as well. Again, Kara’s eyes go wide.

“Oh, my Rao! This cannot be Chloe and Chris!” The two gangling pre-teens smile as they stand up. When Kara left for the future, Chris and Chloe were very young, only four years old at the time. Alex and Kelly had adopted the twins when they were just over two years old after their parents had died in a car accident.

“Wow, Aunt Kara, you haven’t changed a bit, have you?” Chris says a bit snarky. Chloe rips him in the elbow, though Kara seems unphased by the remark as she takes in their appearances.

“I know… It’s been a long time for you both. It hasn’t been quite as long for me.” Kara says, trying to explain.

“Mom attempted to explain time travel to us,” Chloe says with an understanding smile.

“So… do you two still hug? Or are you too old for that now?” The twins can’t help but be pulled in by Kara’s bright and glowing personality and exuberance at seeing her family again. They shrug and open their arms.

Kara swoops in and hugs them both. Using her superstrength a little to lift them both off the ground, making them both laugh.

“Alright, alright, let’s put the full-sized children down there Kara,” Alex speaks up after a moment.

Kara smiles brightly as she sets them down. By now, Lena and Gracie have joined them all as well. Gracie runs up to her Aunts for a quick hug before she runs over to her cousins who she looks up to. After all, they are the few people she could talk to about Supergirl being her mom with. Plus, Chris and Chloe have a few memories of Kara. While they were spotty and not great, Gracie reveled in them.

As the large family piles into the giant car, Kara makes her way up to Lena. Her hands finding their way into her pockets out of her nervousness.

“So… um…”

Lena can tell Kara is struggling to find the words. While Kara was always an amazing writing, and could give amazing speeches as Supergirl, she would often struggle with her words as Kara. Lena sets a hand on Kara’s shoulder.

“Kara, you don’t have to say anything. It’s been a week since you’ve been back. And while I appreciate, more than you know, that your priority has been me and Gracie. Don’t think for a second that I didn’t know you weren’t missing Alex and wondering how they were doing. I know you, and I know that as soon as you found out I was no longer in National City, that you rushed off to find me.”

The dropped head and bitten lip are the only answer Lena needed to confirm her suspicions.

“So, let me do this for you. Let me fly out your sister and her family for a few days so that you can also reconnect with them. Because they have also missed you dearly.”

Kara’s eyes fill with tears of happiness.

“I will never understand how I got lucky enough to convince you to marry me.”

Lena cups Kara’s cheek with her hand. “It’s the other way around, Darling. Look around you. You’re like the sun. Your energy pulls people into your orbit. From the moment I met you, I never stood a chance.”

Lena gives Kara a soft, loving smile before dropping her hand and turning to get into the car. Kara makes a decision in that moment.

She is going to woo her wife all over again.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next few days are filled with so much site seeing and family time, Kara starts to feel like her old self again. She finds time to tell Alex about what happened in the future, though she doesn’t go into as much detail as she did with Lena. Regardless, Alex has the same sentiment and Kara isn’t convinced that Lena and Alex aren’t going to work together to go into the future simply to punch Mon El and Winn.

She spends time with just Chloe and Chris to get to know who they are now. It was easier when they were four. Now, they have much stronger, very different personalities. Chris is snarky, sarcastic, and witty. He doesn’t speak often, but when he does, it is usually to roast you. It reminds Kara so much of Alex when she first arrived on Earth, she can’t believe they aren’t biologically related. Meanwhile, Chloe is more talkative and engaging, but also in a lot of ways softer, more like Kelly in a lot of ways. But in some ways, she is very Alex, like when she isn’t afraid to elbow Chris for being snarky at inappropriate times.

It’s on their last day of the vacation that Kara asks for time alone with Lena to begin her plan. They are finally in Rome, having spent the last few days exploring Italy and ending it in Rome. That morning they toured the Coliseum, much to Gracie’s delight, who squawked upon seeing the ancient ruins and spent the entire morning questioning their tour guide.

As the group started to discuss lunch, Kara enacted her plan. She nodded to Alex who smiled at her knowingly.

“Hey Lena, why don’t you and Kara take lunch for yourselves? You’ve had Gracie with you this entire time. We could take her for lunch and meet back with you afterwards.”

Lena smiles graciously. “Um… yeah sure that’d be nice. We can meet you back at the hotel afterwards.” Lena turns to Kara, “Where should we go to lunch?”

Kara pretends to think and look around at the same time. “Hm… I think I might know a place.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they round a corner a few blocks away, Lena asks, “Are you sure you know where you are going Kara?”

Kara turns back and gives her a sly grin. “Yes Lee, I know exactly where I’m going.”

As Kara turns back around, she takes a few more steps and then stops, turning to her left. “In fact, we have arrived.”

Lena takes the last few steps to catch up to her and turns, gasping. She is staring at a hole in the wall pizzeria. It isn’t someplace fancy or somewhere tourists go. In fact, she is pretty sure it isn’t someplace you could find on google or even on the internet.

“Kara… This is…”

“Uh huh.”

Lena turns to face Kara. “This is where we had our first official date. The place you brought me to after I almost died, and you wanted us to get away from everyone for a few days. You literally just flew us around the world until you smelled the most delicious pizza you had ever smelled. You landed and said you had to try it.”

“Yep,” Kara says with a smile. She puts her hand out, her heartrate skyrockets as she waits the milliseconds it takes for Lena to reach out and take it.

As the two enter and take a seat a table, Lena is in awe. She hadn’t thought about or even remembered this place in ages. Probably because it was a memory tied to one of her many assassination attempts, though this one was a particularly close call...

_It was the first attempt on Lena’s life after they took down Lex and Lillian (again). It was after Kara and Lena had patched things up, had fixed their tenuous friendship. Lena was working late at Luthorcorp, working on fixing the mess her brother had left behind (again). What they didn’t know yet, but soon learned, was there were still several anti-alien followers of Lillian’s working underground. And once Lillian was back in jail, they took their revenge out on Lena, knowing they couldn’t get to Supergirl._

_It happened as Lena was leaving late that night. She was walking through the parking garage of Luthorcorp. She was digging through her purse, about to call a driver when she realized she had forgotten her phone on her desk. She shrugged, figuring she could just drive herself home instead, or even walk. Sure, she had patched things up with Kara and the other superfriends, but it isn’t like they were knocking down her door (or her phone) to hang out. She could leave her phone and check it in the morning._

_In the long run, she was glad this happened, otherwise another life would have been in danger. Or even lost._

_It happened so fast. At first, Lena thought it might be an earthquake, but then she realized it was a bombing. Or well, several bombs going off around her. She tried to run to the exit. But she was quickly trapped in the underground garage, the concrete walls, barriers, poles, ceiling, all collapsing around her._

_At one point, for what was only a few seconds but felt like hours, Lena stood looking around herself at the chaos caused by the explosions, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that this was it. This was how she was going to die. Not at the hand of her family, at least not directly. Or at the hand of some evil alien or indestructible monster created in a laboratory. No, here and now, Lena was going to die in the garage of Luthorcorp by being crushed by falling debris from bombs. She had no way of getting out or calling for help._

_Of course, in that moment, Lena’s mind selfishly wandered to the Supergirl watch, and then even found a moment to berate herself for no longer having it. If she hadn’t gone all dark Luthor, she would still have it and could immediately call for help, after all._

_Lena dropped to her knees after that, accepting her fate, knowing there was no way out. She closed her eyes, a single tear falling. She felt like she still had so much more to do in this life, so much more to contribute to help make the world a better place. And she would never get to do it._

_The next thing Lena knew, she felt arms around her. And then a voice, ever so softly saying her name._

_“Lena? Lena? Oh my Rao, are you ok?”_

_Lena dared to open her eyes, thinking for a moment that she was dead, and this was her punishment in the afterlife._

_She opened her eyes to find herself in Kara’s arms, flying through the air._

_“Kara?” was all that came out, in a horsed whisper._

_“I’ve got you Lena. I’ve got you.” Kara’s arms tightened ever so slightly around her._

_“I’m alive?” Lena asked, still in disbelief._

_Kara smiled. “Yes. I promised I’d never let anything happen to you, remember?”_

_“How… how did you know?”_

_She feels Kara take a deep breath and let it out slowly. She can see Kara’s forehead crinkled. “Lena, I know things are… still a little off between us… that doesn’t mean I don’t keep an eye on you… or well, an ear, as the case may be.”_

_Lena smirks as she says, “So you spy on me?”_

_Kara looks down to see the smirk and smiles back before looking back up into the sky ahead of her. “I have to protect the most important person my life. She seems to have a habit of almost getting killed on a regular basis.”_

_Lena chuckles as she finds herself naturally pulling closer into Kara to keep warm. It dawns on her that they have been flying for far longer than they normally do._

_“So, um… where are we flying, exactly?”_

_“I thought we could use a break from National City for a little while. I’ll find a place to touch down soon.”_

_Lena wonders if this should cause her to panic a little, not knowing where she is. But she trusts Kara. After everything they have been through, she trusts her. She knows why Kara lied to her for so long. She knows what parts of their friendship was honest and what wasn’t. She knows and understands so much more now._

_So instead, she settles into Kara’s arms and enjoys the view of the stars in the night sky. Not to mention the ethereal glow coming from the face above._

The two enjoy the exact meal they had their first time at the tiny restaurant. Lena can’t help but smile widely.

“Are you happy, Lee?” Kara asks tentatively.

And just like that, Lena is taken back again.

_“Lena, are you happy?” Kara asks as she bites into her pizza._

_Lena eyes her curiously. “Like, right now, in this moment? I mean, right now I am enjoying pizza in Italy in some hole in the wall place with my… friend. Which is amazing. So yes, I would say that right now things are great despite nearly dying just a few hours ago.”_

_Kara’s forehead scrunches as she swallows. “I mean… with your life. I know this past year or so has been rather… difficult.”_

_Lena leans back in her chair and takes a deep breath, thoughtfully. “My life… has had a lot of… heartbreak in it… It’s made me pretty closed off… and reactive to pain… as you have experienced, firsthand.” Lena gives Kara a shameful smile. “I wasn’t taught to pursue happiness in life. I was taught to pursue greatness. So, asking me about happiness… it’s a funny question to me. No one ever really cared about me being happy… not before you.”_

_Kara reaches out and takes Lena’s hand in her own. “Lena, I know things haven’t been the same between us since you learned the truth. Even after we talked everything out and stopped your brother and mother, things have been… awkward.” Kara pauses, takes a deep breath to steady herself. “But if you’ll let me know, I’d like to spend the rest of our lives making it up to you.”_

_Lena stared deeply into Kara’s eyes for a moment before saying softly, “Kara, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”_

_Kara smiles widely. “Let me make it perfectly clear, Lena. I would love for this, hole in the wall pizza place in the side street of Italy to be considered our first official date.”_

Lena chuckles as she says, “Careful Kara, you are about to repeat history. That is almost exactly what you asked me the first time we came here.”

Kara blushes. “Yeah… I suppose you are right about that. I just wanted to check in and make sure you are enjoying your surprise lunch date.”

Lena reaches out and interlocks her fingers with Kara’s. “I am, very much.” Kara beams widely back at her.

“Good, because I have more surprises today.”

Lena’s eyebrow raises as she responds, “Oh, you do now?”

“You aren’t the only one who can plan things, you know,” Kara replies jokingly.

“And I take it Alex is fully aware and has graciously taken Gracie for the rest of the day?” Lena asks, now realizing the setup she was unaware of.

Kara’s cheeky smile is the only answer Lena needs. “Well then, surprise away, Ms. Danvers.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara continues her surprise date day with Lena... lots of fluff and a little bit of angst.

“I cannot believe you managed to book us a private wine tour without me knowing,” Lena says as she stands before the vast vineyard in the Italian countryside.

Kara gives her a sheepish grin. “Well, technically you booked it because I have no money… and I might have, you know, snuck your credit card out of your purse when you were focused on Gracie the other day.”

Kara searches for any hint of anger on Lena’s face, but only finds amusement. “Please tell me you pretended to be me, demanding and all with my rich person, CEO of a multi-billion-dollar company voice who always gets what she wants.”

Kara’s grin widens. “You did! Didn’t you?!”

“A lady never reveals her secrets,” Kara finally says with a cute smile. “Now, shall we begin our tour?” Kara puts her hand out, feeling her heartrate spike as she does. It immediately slows when Lena doesn’t hesitate to take it, intertwining their fingers as they head towards the entrance of the vineyard where their tour guide awaits.

Lena doesn’t relinquish Kara’s hand the entire tour, choosing instead to maintain physical contact as they explore the Principe Pallavicini Estate Winery, just outside of Rome. It’s an amazing day, with the weather providing the right among of clouds to give them shade from the sun while also offering a glorious view of the land before them. They can even see the dome of St. Peter’s Basilica back in the city. After the tour of the vast vineyard, Kara and Lena are treated to indulgent food and gourmet wine.

As they eat and drink, Lena can’t help but laugh at Kara and her antics. Of course, Kara was able to eat quite a bit of food, but she did so in as funny a way as possible to entertain Lena. She has always been silly. It’s one of the more endearing qualities Lena has always loved about Kara. That and her clumsiness, which Lena is reminded of when Kara trips on nothing but the floor as she walks to the bathroom at one point that afternoon. Lena nearly spits out her wine as she watches Kara almost faceplant.

Lena is reminded of several of Kara’s qualities she loves throughout the day like that. It’s the first time since Kara’s return that the two of them are alone where they aren’t having some intense conversation about the past or about Kara’s time in the future. It is the two of them just enjoying their time together, enjoying each other’s company. And it reminds Lena so much of all the little things that Lena loved about Kara, long before she realized she actually was in love with Kara Danvers. Her kindness, her positivity, her silliness… all of what makes Kara, Kara.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Kara and Lena finally head back into the city, Lena is feeling the results of being under the sun all day mixed with several rounds of wine tasting. Kara, however, has retained her Kryptonian resistance to human alcohol.

They are sitting in the back of the car, Kara watching the scenery out the window, when she feels Lena’s head fall onto her shoulder. She tenses for a moment before turning to see Lena drifting to sleep. Clearly the events of the day catching up to her.

“Lee… you know I have more planned for this evening.” Kara says it, trying to stir Lena.

Lena hums in response. “I forgot how warm you were, you know,” Lena says, seemingly ignoring Kara’s words.

Kara glances down again, a crinkle forming as she debates how to respond to a sleepy and intoxicated Lena.

“Oh yeah?”

Lena responds by snuggling further into Kara’s neck and doesn’t say anything else for a moment. Kara thinks that perhaps Lena fell asleep, so she turns her head and looks back out the window.

“I tried so hard, you know,” comes the next, half asleep comment.

Kara turns back to Lena, a half-smile on her face. “tried to do what, Lee?”

“To forget you.” Kara freezes as her smile fades. She realizes this isn’t quite the same cute comment that Lena was just making. Her breath hitches as Lena continues talking. “It didn’t matter where I went or what I did… I couldn’t forget you.”

“Lena…” Kara says, trying to bring Lena back from whatever rabbit hole the wine and almost sleep has taken her.   
  


“It just hurt all the time… to keep remembering…”

“Please…” Kara says more urgently, wanting so badly for Lena to stop, afraid of what she is going to say, afraid of what she is going to hear. She knows they need to talk about this stuff. But having a drunk Lena who is also kind of asleep isn’t exactly how they should be talking about this stuff.

“I think I’m cursed Kara… Everyone I love leaves me…”

Kara’s heart is beating out of her chest as she simultaneously feels it breaking. This is it, the part of Lena that her anger has been hiding. The hurt, the fear, the vulnerability and belief that no matter what, anyone she loves will leave her. Kara doesn’t realize she is crying until she feels the heat of her own tears fall down her cheeks. She quickly wipes them away as she wraps her arm around Lena and pulls her in tight.

“I’m back now, Lena. And I’m not going anywhere, ever again.”

Lena hums again as she sinks into Kara, finally relenting completely to sleep. As she sleeps, Kara holds her tightly and gently rubs her back and arm. The weight of her leaving and the damage it has done to Lena finally settling in on her. She didn’t know what all she was leaving behind when she went into the future. She didn’t know she was leaving behind a child. She didn’t know she would return, and it would be seven years for everyone else.

But even so… now that she is back, she must face the reality of it all. For Lena and Gracie and everyone else, it has been seven years. For Lena, that means she has raised their daughter, alone, for seven years. That also means Lena has carried around this weight, this belief, that Kara left her and didn’t return, willingly for seven years. And yes, Lena may now know the truth. But that doesn’t take away the fact that for seven years, she didn’t know. She had no idea. And with Lena’s history… of course she would think, would believe, that Kara stayed in the future willingly.

Kara takes in a deep breath and lets out a long, exhausting sigh. While she was and still is exited for their day together… Kara knows it will take more than a few special moments together to undo the damage that has been done.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara doesn’t have it in her to wake Lena when they return to the hotel about 20 minutes later. She knows they have a little while longer until her next surprise, so she instead carries Lena up to their room. Setting Lena gently down onto the bed, she tucks her hair behind her ear and places a blanket over her. Kara then makes her way to the bathroom to shower and prepare for the evening.

When Kara steps out of the bathroom, she sees Lena awake and on her phone.

“Oh, hey, you’re awake.”

Lena looks up to Kara, who is in only a towel. “Um… Kara, how did we get here?” Lena stares at Kara, taking her in. Sure, they have been sharing a room and a bed for the entire trip. And sure, Kara has often come out in a towel to grab some clothes when she forgets them. But Lena never lets herself look. She keeps herself busy, on purpose. But now, today, with the wine still coursing through her sleepy system, she lets herself take in Kara’s long legs and toned biceps and shoulders.

Kara gives her a quizzical look. “The wine really did a number on you, huh?”

Lena shrugs. “What can I say, my tolerance isn’t what it used to be. Not much time for drinking with the little one around.”

Kara smiles as she makes her way over to her suitcase on the other side of the room. “So, um… you should probably get ready… I have something fancy planned for the evening.” Kara says it with her back turned to Lena as she digs around her own suitcase for an appropriate outfit.

“Is that so?” She hears Lena ask as she gets off the bed.

“That’s right,” Kara says over her shoulder, still riffling through her things. She assumes Lena is up and on her way to the bathroom.

She nearly jumped out of her towel when she feels Lena’s hand on her shoulder. She gasps, turning to see Lena looking at her intensely.

“Lena?” Kara manages to say, her voice barely above a whisper, it comes out as her voice quivers.

Lena’s hand brushes against Kara’s scarred eye, ever so lightly. “Are there other scars?”

Kara gulps. Having Lena this close to her, with only a towel on, brings a flush to her cheeks. Lena’s question though causes images of the battle to cascade through her mind. Kara is again reminded that she skimmed over the gory details. She would say it was to spare Lena the gory details, but, in reality, it was so she didn’t have to relive them herself.

_Kara was working to hold back the enemy so her comrades could escape with an unconscious Clark. She didn’t realize in the process; they had begun to corner her. As she went to escape, she got hit by a kryptonite laser weapon in the shoulder. It phased her enough that she was back in the thick of the enemy, fighting hand to hand again. Herself against a dozen of them. And she probably would have been fine… until they all pulled out Kryptonite tipped weapons._

_Kara gasped as she immediately began to feel the effects from the Kryptonite. She steadied herself as she began to focus on one at a time, trying to keep them from teaming up on her. She managed to knock out several of them before it happened._

_She had just faced off with two of the highly trained offices, barely dodging several of their attacks, kicking one and punching the other. As she turned, thinking she might finally have the chance to get it away, it happened._

_At first all she felt was pressure. Pressure, as the unbelievably sharp Kryptonite sword slid into her abdomen. She looked down, into the eyes of the man wielding it, it was the general of their side. She knows because of his eyes. They are a deep brown, almost black. Not only that, but his one eye has a large scar running down over it. It’s his defining mark, one he wears proudly to show his commitment to his cause._

_Perhaps what was more alarming to Kara is that he was smirking. Clearly a planned attack. He had waiting for the perfect moment, crouched low, waiting for Kara to turn at the exact right moment and angle, to plunge the blade._

_The pain came next. The agonizing, excruciating pain as her body registered the green substance in her body. Kara’s knees gave out as she fell to the ground, the general standing up before her as she fell. He sneered at her, leaving the blade in her, he pulled out a dagger. Again, Kryptonite. Kara tried to gasp again, but her breath was shallow, her body unable to react the way her emotions wanted her to. He walked up to her and cups her chin with his free hand. Kara tries to fight, tries to pull his hand away. But the Kryptonite, her blood loss, it makes her very weak. Too weak to really fight._

_“How about I give you one to match mine?” He says it as he points to his eye, like it is the most logical idea in the world._

_Kara’s screams could be heard for a mile._

“Yes,” Kara says quickly, before losing her nerve. She doesn’t want to lie to Lena. No matter how much she doesn’t want to relive that horrible day.

“Where?” Lena asks. She is close now, barely a few inches from Kara.

“Lena… can… can we talk about something else?” Kara finally says, not wanting to unpack that box right now. The slight bravery she felt moments ago to be honest with Lena, now gone. All that is left are intense feelings of vulnerability. She instinctively wraps her own arms around her stomach as her eyes squeeze shut.

Lena frowns as she feels the waves of anguish come from Kara.

The next thing Kara feels, are Lena’s arms wrapped around her.

Her eyes open in surprise, but she doesn’t move. She doesn’t push Lena or pull away.

“I’m sorry I brought it up.” Lena says it quietly as she pulls away. She nods to Kara as she turns away to head to the bathroom.

Whether it was surprise or curiosity, Kara finds herself reaching for Lena’s hand, catching it with her own before she is out of reach. Lena turns in surprise; a questioning look on her face.

“Why… why did you ask about it?”

Lena turns back to face Kara, who releases Lena’s hand. “Kara… we both know I am feeling the effects of all that wine… and that makes it harder for us to regulate our behaviors.”

Kara takes notice of the way Lena dances around the answer to the question. “Ok… so what made you ask me about it? What were you thinking about?”

A red rises across Lena’s neck and up her cheeks. “You walked out here in a towel. And while a sober Lena is able to ignore that… and has been doing so successfully… An intoxicated Lena… well, she is not.”

Lena turns away without further explaining her actions. She quickly makes her way into the bathroom, leaving a speechless Kara alone in the room.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lena and Kara finish getting ready for the evening without much more conversation, both too afraid to unpack any of the many topics of conversation that were revealed this afternoon. There also now seems to be an awkward heaviness in the room. Kara stays on one side, near her suitcase, purposefully trying to give Lena space and stay out of her way. Meanwhile, Lena stays in the bathroom as long as possible, letting the remaining effects from the wine wear off under the heat from the shower.

When it is time to leave, Kara clears her throat before saying, “Well… it’s um… time to go.”

Lena nods from the other side of the room where she had been fiddling with her phone for the past ten minutes. “I was just texting Alex. She says that Gracie is insisting staying the night in their hotel room with the twins.”

“Oh… ok.” Kara opens their door to leave, unsure of what else to say. She holds the door open for Lena and smiles. Though she isn’t her funny, quirky self from this afternoon, she still wants to treat Lena with respect and kindness.

Lena smiles and thanks her as they exit, making their way out of the hotel and into the car.

Once settled in, Kara takes to looking out the window again, taking in the city night life. It’s quiet for a few minutes before Kara feels Lena’s hand touch her shoulder. She turns to face Lena, giving her a questioning look.

“Kara, look… I… I shouldn’t have said what I said…”

“Which time, Lena?” Kara blurts it out, exhausted from the mental and verbal dance she feels like they have been doing.

Lena looks at her, confused. “At the hotel… what do you mean? Which time?”

Kara’s lips purse as she realizes. “You don’t remember what you said, on the car ride back to the hotel, do you?”

Lena shakes her head, her heart beginning to race imaging all the things she could have said knowing what state she was in.

“Kara, what did I tell you?” Lena pleads.

Kara sighs as she looks back out the window. “You told me you tried to forget me. You said the pain was too overwhelming. That my leaving… my being gone for so long… made you believe you were cursed… because everyone you love leaves you.”

Lena’s eyes go wide as some of deepest, closest held fears and beliefs are said back to her. Thoughts she has never voiced to anyone, ever. Not even Sam.

“Kara… I…” Lena’s voice fades out, at a loss for what to say.

Kara turns back around, a resolved look on her face. “Lena, it’s ok. I… I get it. And I know… I know we have more to talk about. But can… can we just have tonight? You, me, enjoying an evening, a date together, without the baggage of everything said today or everything from the past weighing on us?”

It’s a request Lena is more than willing to meet. She gives Kara a soft smile and nods. Lena puts a hand out, palm up. A peace offering, for Kara. But also, an anchor. Something they have always done for one another, provided for each other. They have helped each other stay grounded despite whatever chaos might be happening, whether in the world or in their heads.

Kara gives her a half-smile and takes Lena’s hand in her own.

“So, do I get to know where we are going?” Lena asks.

Kara chuckles, “You did say I was supposed to surprise you.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Kara holds a hand out for Lena as she exits the car, Kara smiles brightly. “And for our next surprise, my lady, I present to you the Teatro dell’Opera. Lena chuckles, happy to see Kara is again being her adorable, romantic, cheesy self. She knows deep down they have some serious conversation topics ahead of them. But she also knows that Kara needs tonight.

She knows she needs it too.

As they make their way inside for the show, Lena takes in the smaller opera house. Because of its size, the Teatro dell’Opera feels so intimate, which Lena loves. They make their way to their box seats and Lena takes in the large chandelier hanging from the central dome ceiling, the Renaissance frescoes on the ceiling, the maroon draperies, and the 19th century furniture. It’s amazing, all of it. Lena settles into her seat as Kara sits down next to her. She can feel the warmth radiating off Kara while also feeling the cool breeze on her other side. Of course, Kara would make sure they had the entire box to themselves.

“Are you cold?” Kara asks. She notices the goosebumps running down Lena’s shoulder and arm.

Lena nods, “Well, only half of me,” she says with a smirk. “I think I forgot just how warm you are.”

Kara smiles, happy to hear a more sober Lena admitting something that a not so sober Lena admitted earlier that day. Tentatively, Kara raises her arm, offering a spot for Lena.

This time, when Lena settles into Kara, Kara finds her entire body relaxing. It’s like a part of her she didn’t realize was missing, has been put back in place.

Lena hums as Kara’s arm folders down around her, instantly warming her up and soothing her soul. Lena hasn’t been held like this since Kara left. Her and Sam hug often. And they may occasionally snuggle platonically while watching a movie. But Lena hasn’t been romantically involved with anyone since Kara left.

Since Kara has returned, Lena has noticed her body reacting to each touch. It is much like it used to be. Every time they hold hands or have soft touches on the face or arm, it sends a spark through Lena. And now, being wrapped up in Kara as the show begins, Lena’s body is practically on fire. But it doesn’t bother her. On the contrary, she relishes it. It has been so long since she has had these kind of physical reactions or feelings. She finds herself sinking further into Kara’s touch, even laying her head on Kara’s shoulder as the show progresses, and even still actively holding hands with Kara just because she can. It was like, once she had it, she couldn’t get enough of Kara’s touch.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they walk down the street that evening, Lena refuses to relinquish Kara’s hand. Kara doesn’t say a word as she leads them to their final destination of the evening with a bright smile on her face.

“And for your final surprise, Ms. Luthor, a rooftop dinner.” Kara takes a bow before Lena in her true cheesy, over the top, rom-com, fashion. This elicits a small laugh from Lena.

As they make their way up to the rooftop, Lena is surprised to find no one else there except for the waiter staff.

“Kara… you did not.”

Kara smiles as she pulls out a chair for Lena. “Oh, Lee, I can assure you, I most certainly did.”

Lena fights back a smile as she shakes her head side to side. She takes the last few steps to sit down as Kara pushes her chair in with her before sitting down in her own seat.

“Kara, how in the world did you do all of this?”

“What can I say? I was highly motivated. Also,” Kara leans down across the table, and whispers, “I have superpowers AND a super-rich wife.” Kara leans back and winks, again drawing out a laugh from Lena.

The two women enjoy a five-course gourmet dinner, talking and enjoying each other’s company. Lena updates Kara on some major world news that she missed while she was gone in the future, including updates on her favorite celebrities. Lena updates Kara on what big bad enemies her superfriends and the other superheroes have had to fight, which ones she helped with, and how they have all been doing since she left. Kara learns about who has gotten married, who now has kids, and who is now divorced but seems to have co-parenting down.

There is one story that causes Kara to nearly choke on her food.

Up until now, Lena had maybe, sort of, accidentally, forgotten to mention, that she did almost sort of kind of almost die.

It slipped out over dinner.

“Ok so I have to ask, what is the one thing you’ve done that has pissed Alex off the most while I’ve been gone?” Granted, Kara asked thinking Lena would say something like her moving across the country with Gracie. She even thought Lena might come up with some snarky comment like ‘oh I whisked my wife away as soon as she returned from the future.’

Kara was certainly not expecting Lena to say, “Oh, definitely the time I almost died.”

Kara coughs a few times as she tries to get her food down. She pauses to take a few sips of water. “Um… you almost died?”

Lena purses her lips together as her eyes squint. “Yeah,” she says in a drawn-out sigh.

“Lena,” Kara says seriously, all playfulness from the evening gone.

Lena sets her silverware down and wipes her hands on her napkin. She takes a drink of water. “Kara, I promise… it wasn’t that close of a call.” The emphasis on the word ‘that’ does not quell Kara’s spiking anxiety.

“When?”

Lena thinks back. “It was… six months after you left.”

“What happened?”

Lena finds her hands twisting each other. An old nervous habit. “I was working late in one of my… side labs… on a project. I had made a small miscalculation… There was a small mishap…”

“Lena…”

“Ok ok… It was the device I was working on to send you a message in the future. I was working on it nonstop. I was at the stage of running trials on my first prototype and… well…” Lena makes the sound of an explosion while signaling one with her hands.

“You blew yourself up.”

“Sort of.”

“While being six months pregnant.”

“Like I said, sort of.”

“Lena,”

“Like I told you… this was the angriest I have ever seen Alex. And this includes the time I tried to, you know, mind control the world.”

Kara sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly. “Please tell me what happened after the explosion.”

“I was behind a containment shield during testing. Just in case. Once the explosion happened, the building began to fall apart around me, and so I stayed in the shield and hit the button, paging Alex. She arrived within minutes with J’onn. They saved me before the building collapsed.”

Kara sinks back in her seat. “Wow. Lena…”

“Look, Kara, I know it sounds bad.”

Kara reaches out and takes Lena’s hand in her own. “I’m sorry.”

Confused, Lena asks, “You aren’t mad?”

“What? No, I’m not mad. I am so thankful that Alex was there, and I owe her an even bigger hug when I see her next. But more importantly, I am sorry because if I had never left, you would have never been trying to send me a message and therefore, would have never had that happen to you.”

The thought of something happening to Lena because of a decision that Kara made is one of Kara’s greatest fears.

Lena gives Kara’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Kara, darling, you know it was my choice to play with time, right? I wanted you to know that you had a child. That was my decision, and something you had no knowledge of, so it wasn’t something you could have used to make your decision on. It was an unintended consequence, sure, but I don’t blame you for me almost dying. That was all me and my own tendency to overwork when there is a project that is vitally important to me.”

Kara’s eyes glitter with a hint of tears as she smiles, thankful that Lena tries to take some of the blame away that she is feeling. She knows this is only one small piece of their puzzle, but it feels good to feel like they are putting one piece back together, nonetheless.

They go back to enjoying the evening with quiet conversation as Kara eats all her own dessert and finishes off Lena’s.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they make their way back into the hotel room, they are reminded that this is their first night alone without Gracie since Kara’s return.

Lena flips her heels off as Kara grabs some sweatpants and a tank top to change into. She makes her way into the bathroom. As she does, Lena unzips her dress and changes into her own silk pajamas.

When Kara comes back out, Lena takes her turn in the bathroom to do her nighttime routine while Kara gets Lena’s phone to call Alex and check on Gracie. She is sad to find Gracie is already asleep.

“Oh… Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“Lena told me about when she…”

“Ah… yeah… I almost killed her for that stunt.”

Kara chuckles into the phone. “Thank you… for saving her, for being here for her and Gracie while I was gone.”

“I always have your back Kara.”

The two sisters end the call, feeling closer than they have since Kara’s return.

Lena makes her way to her side of the bed. She gets in with a new book, expecting Kara to have her usual nighttime routine of animal videos or attempting to catch up on all the tv shows and Disney movies she has missed. So, she is surprised to find Kara staring at her, the phone on the nightstand next to her.

“Kara?” She asks when Kara keeps staring without saying anything.

Kara shakes her head. “Yeah, sorry. I just… forget sometimes.”

Lena’s head tilts. “Forget what?”

“How beautiful you are, like this, at the end of the day, when you are also relaxed. It’s my favorite version of you.”

Lena stares back, now unsure of what to say back. Kara smiles sincerely, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. It is more of a sad smile. Kara turns away then, sliding so she is laying down, turned away from Lena, forgoing any kind of entertainment for the night.

“I hope you had a good day, Lee.” She finally says, though she is still facing away. Her voice is coarse, like she is fighting back tears.

Lena sets her book down quietly as she too lays down, turning the lamp out in the process.

“I had the best day, Kara. Thank you for everything.”

Lena reaches over cautiously with her hand, landing on Kara’s firm shoulder. She squeezes tightly before letting go. Her hand returns to her side as she stares at the ceiling, unsure of exactly what is going on in Kara’s mind.

She feels Kara shift in the bed several minutes later, turning to face up, matching Lena.

It’s another few minutes before Kara whispers, “Lee?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s my abdomen… and my back.”

At first, Lena is baffled by the comment. But then their conversation from that afternoon flickers through her memory.

“You mean… like your eye?” Lena asks, just to be sure.

“Yeah… I… it was a Kryptonite sword.”

Lena’s hand reaches over, taking Kara’s hand in her own, if only to ground herself, as the image of Kara with such a weapon through her body rocks her to her core.

“Lena… In many ways… I’m the same person as I was before I left… but in some key ways… I’m different… not just with my powers… I’m… I’m different mentally… physically…”

“You know I don’t care, right? About the scars?”

The silence that follows, is enough of an answer for Lena.

“Kara, as much as I have loved and appreciated the benefits of you being a Kryptonian on Earth. You might recall that I fell in love with Kara Danvers… someone I thought was human. The parts that I love haven’t changed, I saw that today. I don’t care about your scars any more than you’ve ever judged me for all the emotional baggage I carry with me for having the last name Luthor.”

Kara lets out a long slow breath. “I just… when… if we… I might not be the same in bed.”

Lena knows Kara has always been shy about discussing sex. Another one of those adorable things about her. Lena rolls to her side to face Kara. There is a very dim glow from the window, as the moon shines overhead. Lena wants to make sure Kara knows she is giving her all her attention as she says what she wants to say next.

“I promise you darling, you are not the only one who is nervous about that particular aspect of our life.”

Kara follows Lena, turning to face her. She studies Lena’s face, searching for something. Slowly her free hand rises up and gingerly touches Lena’s face, her eyes close as her face warms from the touch.

“Lena, I’m terrified of doing the wrong thing here. I know we have work to do, we have things to discuss. Right now, all I want to do is hold you. And maybe kiss you. Nothing else. Nothing more. Not tonight.”

Lena slowly opens her eyes to see Kara’s piercing blue eyes staring intently at her. All Lena sees in them is honesty. Kara has often put her own emotions out on a platter for Lena. For Lena to take and hold dearly or smash. Kara continues to put her trust in Lena in that way. It’s something Lena has always admired about Kara.

Lena nods and starts to slide over into Kara’s opening arms. Kara lays on her back again, with Lena curled up on her side, her head on Kara’s chest. Kara wraps a protective arm around Lena as Lena wraps an arm around Kara’s waist. Kara’s other hand finding Lena’s to entangle them. Kara gives Lena a gentle kiss on the forehead before laying her head back down on the pillow, more content than she has felt in months. Lena sinks down into Kara, falling asleep faster than she has in years.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang all return to the states. Kara gains more insight into what became of Lena in her absence. Kara and Lena talk more...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might have made me tear up while writing... so... enjoy?

Lena is surprised to find herself still laying on Kara’s chest the next morning. Her arm still wrapped around Kara’s torso. She takes in a deep breath as she glances up to see Kara is actually awake, watching her sleep. Kara’s hand softly resting on her head, tangled in her hair. Kara gives her a small smile.

“Hi,” Kara greets her softly.

Lena smiles back. “Morning.” Lena starts to get up when Kara reaches out.

“Wait, stay… please?”

Lena nods and settles back down onto Kara, who wraps an arm around Lena, her hand resting on Lena’s lower back. Lena’s hand lays haphazardly on Kara’s stomach, where it finds Kara’s other hand.

It’s silent for a few moments.

Kara finally asks, “So… how did you sleep?”

Without looking up at Kara, Lena replies “Is that really want you want to ask me?” Lena can practically feel Kara vibrating underneath her. She could always sense Kara, could feel her emotions. It made it easy for her to tell when something was on Kara’s mind. After their day yesterday, it seems like maybe some of that was starting to come back to her.

She feels Kara take a deep breath in underneath her and let it out slowly. “I mean… I do care about how you slept because I care about your wellbeing.”

Lena chuckles. “I slept very well, thank you for asking,” she responds. “Now… what do you really want to talk about?”

“I want to ask you what you think I could do… once we get back.”

Lena is silent for a moment, contemplating the question.

“Well, Kara, I think you should do what you want to do. I’m going to be here to support that. If you aren’t sure what that might be yet. I’m happy to talk about options.”

Kara smiles, relief clear in her voice as she speaks. “What are my options? I mean… I’m basically having to start over.”

Again, Lena is silent, forming her thoughts. Kara is patient, waiting for Lena to speak.

“I suppose I could call in a favor with Andrea, if you wanted to go back to Catco.”

“Eh… she would probably want me to be in National City. I want to be in Metropolis with you and Gracie,” comes Kara’s quick reply.

“Well, you could try reaching out to Clark, I’m sure he has connections.”

“No.”

Lena knows that is probably a box neither of them want to unpack right now.

“You know, you don’t have to go back to work right away. You could be a stay-at-home mom with Gracie. It isn’t like we need the income. It would give you more time with Gracie and give you time to figure out your next steps with what you want to do instead of rushing to find something.”

Kara hums, contemplating the idea.

Lena finally lifts her head and looks up at Kara with a smirk. “Of course, I could always show extreme nepotism and higher my wife at Lcorp. I am the boss, after all.”

Kara smiles sheepishly while shaking her head side to side, pulling a laugh from Lena. “Darling, my point is that you can do whatever you set your mind to. Gracie and I will be here.” Lena reaches her hand out cupping Kara’s cheek gently. “I will be here.”

A tear slips out of Kara’s eye as she nods slightly, trying to hold them back. Lena lays her head back down, wrapping her arm around Kara, her hand grasping onto her hip.

“Let’s go back Lee. Today, with Alex and Kelly and the twins. Let’s go home.”

“You sure?” Lena asks, softly, tentatively.

“Yes, I’m ready.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the plane flies over the Atlantic, Kara watches Lena playing and chatting with Gracie, asking her about her adventures the day before. Alex makes her way over, sitting down next to her.

“Hey sis.”

Kara gives her a smile, but her eyes quickly find their way back to Gracie and Lena.

“You sure you’re ready to go back?” Alex asks, following Kara’s eyesight.

“I’m not sure I’ll ever feel ready because I haven’t experienced the same amount of time as everyone else… It isn’t exactly the same thing but… It is like when I first came to Earth and discovered that Kal had already grown up. His entire childhood had happened, passed me by… while I was frozen in time… This… it feels sort of like that again… Except I wasn’t really frozen in time… and this time… it isn’t just one person… it’s everyone I’ve ever loved… and someone I didn’t even know existed…” Kara fades out, unsure of how else to explain it.

Alex nods as she reaches out and pulls Kara into a side hug. “It’s a lot, you’re right. But we are here for you. All of us. We have your back, always.”

Kara smiles. “I don’t know what I would do without you Alex.”

As they break away, Alex smirks. “So, are you going to tell me how your plans for yesterday went with Lena? I mean, you ended up getting to spend the night alone too…” Alex lets the unasked questions linger in the air.

Kara blushes as she stumbles over her words in hushed tones, so Lena doesn’t hear from across the jet. “I mean… Alex… it was… everything was so… it just…”

Alex sets a hand on Kara’s bouncing leg. “Hey, take a breath.” Kara takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly. “Now, try again?”

Kara smiles as she glances at Lena again and then back at Alex. “We had an amazing day Alex. Everything was amazing.”

“But…”

“But there was also this… cloud… this heaviness… that hung over it. Lena and I talked about some of it, sort of… I… I guess I didn’t realize before just how much damage my leaving had done on her. I have been so concerned with getting my family back…”

“Hey, you both have your own stuff to talk about… your own emotions to work through…” Alex gives Kara a reassuring nod. “I know you gave me the cliff notes version of what happened in the future. And I know you came back to discover that not only has it been seven years since you left but that you also have a daughter… and that your wife and child moved across the country. It is a lot to deal with. All you can do is take this, whatever is happening with you and Lena, one day at a time.”

Kara nods as she lets out a deep breath. “I know you’re right. I just wanted to get back so badly… to fix things from the way I had left them… I had no idea how much more I would need to be fixing.”

“One day at a time, Kara.”

“Right… one day at a time.” Kara says out loud, more to herself than to Alex.

“Look… Kara… Lena… she never stopped loving you. I think that’s why it hurt so much for her. Why she had to leave National City. It was like she was a ghost, walking around a home she could no longer inhabit, a life that she could no longer have. It became too much for her. She needed a fresh start… But even then… her feelings for you never went away.”

Kara looks at Alex, her expression unreadable.

“How do you know?”

“You mean besides the obvious?” Alex says, attempting to lighten the mood. Kara tries to give her a small smile, but the desperate need for an answer is clear to Alex. “Her and Gracie would come to visit at least once a year. Every time, she always had this… very clear dynamic struggle within her. She left everything in National City in place, in case you ever showed up, despite claiming adamantly for the past few years that she had no hope that you were coming back. Lena might have truly believed with her whole being that you were not coming back, for whatever reason. AND at the same time, a tiny part of her wouldn’t fully let her let go… no matter how hard she tried.”

Kara thinks back to the corner of Lena’s closet in Metropolis. To the untouched clothes, wrapped up on plastic for Kara… just in case. The one’s Lena had difficulty explaining why she still had them after all this time.

She finds herself looking back over to Lena again. As she does, she sees Lena looking up at her. Lena gives her a half-smile before returning her attention back to Gracie.

The small act warms Kara’s heart. This act, along with Alex’s words, give her the optimism that she can do what it takes to rebuild the relationship with Lena, back to what they once had, perhaps to something even stronger than before.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Lena, Kara, and Gracie say their goodbyes to Alex and the others upon landing, Kara can’t help but again be thankful for her Earth family. How lucky she is to have been given Alex as a sister. And how lucky Alex was to find Kelly.

How lucky they all are, really, that despite all the atrocities they have had to endure, they have managed to find happiness and joy. She can’t help the tears that form when she lets herself feel all the emotions that come with this realization. That any one of them, could have gotten consumed by their own grief, by their own losses. And yet, here they are, together, a family.

Kara feels a hand wrap around her own and squeeze. She glances over to see Lena standing next to her as Alex and the gang pile pack into the plane, bound for National City. Gracie has ahold of Lena’s other hand. As they finally turn to walk towards the car, it is in silence at first.

“You ok?” Lena asks quietly, knowing Kara can hear her.

“Yeah, I’m just thinking,” she says between sniffles.

“It is so great, that they found each other, after everything.” Lena says, echoing Kara’s own thoughts.

Kara glances at Lena, an eyebrow raised. “How did you know what I was thinking?”

Lena half-smiles. “You have this look on your face, when you think about everything you’ve lost, but also everything you have gained.”

Speechless, Kara stares at Lena.

Lena takes the last few steps and begins to help Gracie into the car. Finding her feet again, Kara follows suit. Once they are in the car, Kara looks back at Lena, unable to hold back, she asks, “How do you remember such a specific look?”

Without having to think, Lena looks over to Kara and replies matter-of-factly, “I remember everything.”

Kara’s mouth opens to reply, but no words come out, she simply stares back at Lena, who holds her gaze for a few long, agonizing seconds before finally breaking away to look out the window. Lena doesn’t say anything else about it. Kara doesn’t ask any more questions.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they pull up to the penthouse, Lena sighs, seeing several news crews and paparazzi posted up around the entrance to the building. She quickly instructs the driver to pull around to the back entrance.

“Um… you have a secret back entrance?” Kara asks.

Lena gives Kara her mischievous smile.

The driver drives a block into what appears to be a rather plain looking parking garage, parking by a stairwell. Lena has already pulled out her phone and sent several messages, her fingers moving so fast, even Kara can barely keep up with what she is doing.

“We just need to wait a few minutes, my security team will make sure the entrance is clear, and then we can go.” Lena says it like it is the most practical, natural thing in the world. Kara looks over to Gracie, who also seems unperturbed by the current situation.

“Um… Lena… how many times have you had to do this?”

Lena sighs as she thinks over Kara’s question. “Are you asking about my entire life? Or since living in this particular place?”

“Let’s go with the latter.”

“Hm… probably a dozen.”

“Why?”

Lena chuckles, recognizing that this must seem so insane to Kara. Whereas it is just another day in the life for Lena.

“For various reasons. I mean, it probably happens 2-3 times a year that something major happens and the news think they have the right to encroach on my personal space. I want to protect Gracie from that as much as possible. Hence, the added protocol of this back entrance that is actually an entire block away from the penthouse.”

“And they are here now because of me?”

Lena nods.

“But that news broke almost two weeks ago.”

“They will want new photos of you… of us… together… as a family.”

Kara can feel her heart start to race. The thought of having to face all the added attention, in addition to figuring out her life again, was not something she was anticipating.

Lena sets a hand down on Kara’s leg. Kara follows the hand up the arm to Lena’s eyes. Lena stares intently, seriously but softly at Kara.

“Hey, we will figure it out. I promise. You will not have to do anything you aren’t comfortable or ready to do, ok?”

Kara nods and takes a deep breath, attempting to calm herself.

At that moment, Lena gets an alert on her phone, letting her know they are in the clear. Lena, Gracie, and Kara make their way into the stairwell, where Lena opens the electrical box, which holds a hand scanner.

She holds her hand up to the scanner. After a few moments, a door opens behind them, from within the wall. Kara smiles, amazed at Lena’s genius. She doesn’t have to ask to know that Lena designed all of this herself. They make their way into a tunnel that runs under the street, but is well lit, with motion sensor lights. It’s a short walk until they come to a new door, this time opening into an elevator.

This one too, has a hand scanner, requiring again Lena’s hand. As they get into the elevator, it lights up. There are no buttons. Kara looks around, confused, until Lena starts to speak.

“Hope, activate protocol KD”

“Voice code approved. Protocol Activated. Welcome home, Ms. Luthor.”

Kara looks at Lena suspiciously, “Protocol KD?”

Lena shrugs. “I needed something I would remember.”

Lena doesn’t offer more of an explanation, though Kara thinks there is something more to it than that, something more behind the design of this entire project. It dawns on Kara that maybe Lena wanted a way for her to protect her identity if she ever came back. A way she could get into the penthouse that wasn’t just her flying into and out of the place as Supergirl.

Kara is too afraid to ask if that is true. Too afraid to find another crumb of hope.

As the elevator slows to a stop, Hope announces, “Ms. Luthor, we have arrived at the penthouse, standard security measures are enacted. Would you like anything else?”

“No, that is everything, thank you Hope.”

As they exit into the penthouse, from an apparently secret entrance Kara never noticed before, she gasps. She turns to see a bookcase closing, again concealing the entrance to the hidden elevator. Kara turns back around and scans the place. She doesn’t notice any differences.

“What changed? What are the standard security measures?” she asks.

“Gracie, why don’t you take your suitcase and go unpack?” Lena says instead of answering Kara. As Gracie heads down the hallway, Lena makes her way over to the balcony but doesn’t open it. Kara follows.

Lena looks back down the hallway, making sure Gracie is out of earshot. When she turns back, she opens the blinds slightly to show that they cannot actually see out the windows any longer. “All of the windows are bulletproof of course. But I had them designed so that, when needed, the windows can be completely darkened so that no one can see in or out. We can have them shifted back to normal once they are no longer hounding us about you being back.” Lena gives Kara a reassuring smile as she goes into the kitchen and starts making tea.

“I’m sorry Lena.”

Lena turns back to see a rather dejected looking Kara. “For what?”

“Your life has been turned completely upside down because I came back.”

Without looking up from her tea, Lena smirks, “Oh Darling, you did that the very first moment you walked into my office at Lcorp.”

Kara can feel herself blushing, even after all this time. “I’m serious Lena.”

“So am I. I have protocols in place for this sort of stuff for a reason. Remember, I grew up rich.”

Kara sighs, but nods, conceding to Lena this time. But still feeling bad to be causing such chaos.

“Lena… I just… I just don’t want to mess up. I want to get it right.”

Lena’s eyebrow raises. “Get what right, exactly?”

“I don’t want to mess this up,” she says, gesturing between them. “I know we have a lot to talk about. I know I am asking a lot of you to talk about the last seven years… I just don’t know how to move forward without unpacking the past.”

Lena sets the tea back down as she lets out a sigh. She walks over to Kara and looks at her deeply, searching for something. An answer to a question, perhaps. Kara isn’t sure.

After a moment, Lena sticks her hand out. “Come with me? I’d like to show you something.”

Kara cautiously takes her hand. Lena leads her down the hallway and past the master bedroom to what Kara presumed was a hallways closet.

Lena opens the door to another door. This door though, has a keypad and a hand scanner. Lena enters a code and then places her hand on the scanner, unlocking the door. Lena glances at Kara when the click happens, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly before reaching out and opening the door. Kara isn’t sure what is about to happen. But she knows it is monumental.

“After you left… I had to find some way to feel close to you… to feel like you were still here with me.”

Lena steps through the threshold, gently pulling Kara along with her. The room is small, not much bigger than a walk-in closet. It has a desk in it with a computer monitor. It appears empty otherwise.

“This felt especially prudent to do once I found out about Gracie…” Lena says as she makes her way to the computer, still holding Kara’s hand.

Kara doesn’t speak, just follows Lena to the computer. Lena uses one hand to type, pulling up the screen and logging in. She can tell the keyboard has a layer of dust on it. Lena hasn’t been in here in a while.

“I… I am not sure I actually ever planned on showing you these… but I think this might give you the best understanding of everything from my point of view.” Lena says as she finishes typing.

A list of files with only dates pop up on the video screen.

“What… what are they?” Kara finally speaks.

“They are video messages for you. I started them at first, as a way for you to have something to see once you returned… but then… as time went on… they developed into something else… something more… personal… just for me.”

“Lena… you… you don’t have to do this… I… I don’t have to see them.”

“I want to do this, Kara. I want you to see them. You keep dancing around me, trying to understand what life has been like for me for the past seven years. This is the best way I can think of for you to understand.”

Speechless, Kara just nods.

“I’ll have Hope give you full access to the room. This computer is not connected to any network. So, these files are only available here. I will give you the code to the computer myself. That way, you can watch them anytime you want.”

Lena reaches out and gives Kara’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before turning and walking out, leaving Kara alone.

Kara looks around the mostly empty room, still trying to process exactly what just happened. Lena is offering her a look into herself, how she was at various points over the past seven years, not filtered through her present day perspective of those memories. Kara takes in a deep breath and sits down at the computer, staring at the list of dates. She clicks on the first one, it’s dated from a few weeks after Kara initially left for the future.

Kara is awestruck, staring at the version of Lena that she left behind. The air quickly being sucked out of her lungs as the video starts to play.

_“Hi my love. It’s been a few days since I found out the… unexpected news. And… while I am still furious at you for how you left. I understand why you had to leave. I just wish…” Lena lets out a small sigh. “I just wish I had told you that I loved you before you left. I was so swept up in everything, only to have the rug pulled out from under me at the very height of happiness… Plus, apparently my hormones were a bit out of sorts, apparently.”_

Kara can’t help but smirk. Lena is smiling at the camera, despite saying she is mad, she is smiling.

_“Anyway, I decided I will start documenting my progress of the pregnancy for you while I work on a way to send a message into the future to tell you about the baby. That way, whenever you do return, you will have these to watch, a way to feel like you were here, or a way to catch up on some of the parts that you missed… I know, I know it won’t be the same. And Kara I know you are going to feel bad for missing this. But Darling, you and I both know that sometimes we must make sacrifices that have unforeseen consequences. And I know, deep down, that if you had any idea about this, you would have never left.”_

Lena looks away from the camera, clearly fighting back tears. She takes a few breaths before looking back into the camera.

_“Anyway, I want to say that I love you and I miss you, every moment of every day. Please come home soon.”_

The video fades to black.

Kara stares at the now blank screen, her mind reeling.

She knows she should probably watch the videos in order. But out of morbid curiosity, she scrolls to the other end of the list. The last video recorded was from just over a year ago. Kara sucks in a breath and hits play.

The video starts and at first, all Kara sees is an empty chair, but she can hear someone somewhere off screen, fumbling with a glass or a bottle of some kind. A few seconds go by before Lena stumbles into the chair, holding a bottle of jack. She is clearly intoxicated.

_“You,” she says, pointing at the screen, “You have fucking ruined me.”_

Kara cringes at the tone, the venom coming through the screen as this version of Lena takes a swig straight from the bottle.

_“I was perfectly content living my life without close friendships or relationships. I was successful, smart… who cares if I wasn’t happy? It isn’t like I ever had that to begin with.”_

Kara frowns deeply as she pauses the video. She takes a few deep breaths, grits her teeth, and pushes play.

_“But then you, you came along, came waltzing into my office with that cousin of yours. And you just had to stick around after that. Lunches and game nights for years. And then. AND THEN we become more than friends. We become something else entirely. A relationship beyond anything I have ever had in my entire life because god knows I never knew how to love before you.”_

_Lena hiccups._

_“But worse, worse than that. You showed me I was capable of being loved and being loved so unbelievably well… so unconditionally. I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to even try to find that again because I don’t know how I ever found it once in the first place… and besides, how can anyone ever compare to the experience that comes from being loved from Kara fucking Danvers. I mean, have you seen you? Have you been loved by you? It’s like… you just love so fucking much and so fucking hard. I don’t know how you do it. I’ve never met anyone so capable of so much love, ever.”_

Kara pauses the video again, silent tears falling from her eyes. She stares at this broken version of Lena. Like Kara, the Lena on the screen has tear-stained cheeks, her eyes red, cheeks puffy. Kara looks at the bottom of the screen to see the video is almost over. She wipes her face and then hits play. It’s silent for a few moments as Lena stares into the camera.

_“Six years Kara… it’ll be six years next week… I… I can’t keep doing this to myself. You aren’t coming back. I understand that now. This… this will be the last video I make. This is it. I have to let you go. Sam may have been very VERY wrong about me starting to date again. But she wasn’t all wrong about me being stuck, being frozen since you left… I keep making these videos for you… for me… for us… and I don’t even know that there is an us anymore. So… this is me, saying goodbye, Kara. I love you, wherever, whenever, you are. I hope you are happy.”_

Kara watches Lena as she reaches up slowly, hesitantly reach up, crying again, to stop the camera.

Kara finds herself again staring at a blank, empty screen.

She broke Lena. That’s her first thought after that final video. That on some fundamental level, by loving Lena and then leaving her when she did, and not returning for seven years, that she left Lena broken.

Kara doesn’t watch any more videos; she wipes her eyes and exits the room to find Lena.

It doesn’t take long. She spots Lena standing in the doorway of Gracie’s room. Kara approaches silently. Lena gives her enough room to stand next to her to see Gracie passed out on her bed, her suitcase only half emptied.

“I suppose she is a little jet lagged,” Lena whispers when Kara joins her. Kara only nods, unsure of what to say after seeing the videos she did.

“Um… Lena? Can we talk?” Kara finally asks. Lena eyes Kara curiously but doesn’t say no. Kara takes that as her opening and leads Lena away from Gracie’s room, closing the door most of the way so they don’t disturb her. Kara leads Lena back down the hallway to Lena’s bedroom.

“Kara, I meant what I said, you can watch the videos,” Lena says once they are in the room with the door closed.

Kara puts her hand up. “No, it isn’t that.”

“No?”

Kara shakes her head. “No, I um… I watched two of the videos already. I wanted to talk about them. Well, one of them specifically.”

“Ok… I mean, Kara, I made a lot of them over the years… so I can’t guarantee I will remember exactly what I said in a specific video.”

“I watched the first and last videos you ever made.”

“Oh.” Lena walks away from Kara and finds the chair. She sits down, sinking into it as she realizes exactly what video Kara is talking about. She remembers that video. It was the night she went on the date, after Sam insisted she needed to start dating again. It was terrible. So awful she proceeded to let Gracie stay with Sam and Ruby so she could just come home and get completed trashed. She didn’t even tell Sam what she was doing. She drank herself into a stupor. Which then led to her recording that particular video. Her head sinks into her hands as the memories of that night flood her mind.

Kara comes over and kneels in front of Lena, putting her hands on Lena’s knees.

“Kara, I…” Lena tries to speak, to explain, but stops so she can instead fight back the tears that are struggle to find their way out.

“Lena, hey, look at me, please?” Lena slowly raises her head. Kara’s blue eyes stare deeply into her green eyes. Kara opens her hands. Lena slowly lowers her hands onto Kara’s.

“Lena,” Kara says, taking in a deep breath, smiling, though also somehow looking sad at the same time. “You, you are the light of my life. You are the sun. You are the reason I feel like I can do anything, can beat any foe I face… But that… that loves comes with… it came with a giant cost…”

“Kara”

“Lee, it’s ok, I just… I need to say this.” Lena nods, waiting for Kara to continue. “I know I’m not always the easiest person to love. I’m hardheaded, stubborn, and always wanting to help others. So of course, when I came to Earth and had powers, I would become a superhero, how could I not? But now, coming back to the present… in the state I am in… I feel like I’ve been given a chance to do things differently… To make different choices.”

Lena hasn’t stopped staring into Kara’s eyes, the weight of her own secrets weighing on her now. She hasn’t mentioned to Kara anything about helping get her powers back to full strength. She hasn’t told her that she has already made some calculations and notes in her phone, related to how she would do it.

She already figured it out… theoretically.

“Kara… if you… if you still had all of your powers…” Lena isn’t sure exactly what she is trying to ask.

“They might come back someday…” Kara says, shrugging. “But that doesn’t matter to me. What matters to me, is you. And Gracie.”

“But if you still had them, if you were still Supergirl… when you came back to me…” Lena looks into Kara’s eyes again, searching for the truth. Kara stares back as she searches for her own answers.

Kara half-smiles at Lena as she finally replies, “The world has gotten along just fine for the past seven years without her. I’m sure it can get along just fine without her now too.”

“I can do it,” Lena blurts out.

Kara looks at Lena, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I can fix it, what happened, with your powers.” Lena looks down at their hands then, waiting for Kara to process what she is saying.

“How… how do you know that? Winn worked with me for a month and we barely made any progress on things.”

Lena looks back up. “I had a few theories. But after you told me the full story, I started doing the math, based on what I know about Kryptonian DNA from Lex’s notes of Superman and of you, and from my work with Sam… it would take a few tests to make sure my hypothesis is correct… but I think we could have you back at full strength in a few weeks.”

Kara’s knees buckle at that moment as she sinks to the floor. Her eyes glaze over for a moment before she blinks and looks up to find Lena, looking down at her, her eyes full of concern.

“Lena…”

“I’m here Kara.” She gives Kara’s hands a gentle squeeze.

“Why… why would you do that after… after everything? I mean… I saw the video… Lee… I… I broke you when I left… I saw it.”

Lena doesn’t deny it. She does get down on the floor next to Kara as she finds her own words. 

“Kara, it really wasn’t ever a question to me. You… you deserve the world. And I have always wanted to give it to you. Even before I ever met you, there was this magnetic pull I felt towards you. And when you finally returned, I knew that no matter what happened between us personally, I would always protect you as Supergirl. Always.”

Kara finds herself falling into Lena, unable to stay apart any longer. Lena accepts the hug happily. A few moments go by as Kara holds Lena tightly.

“I appreciate this, so much Lena. And eventually, we can do this. Just… just not yet.”

Kara can feel Lena nod slightly. “Ok Kara, whatever you want, Darling.”

As they pull away, Lena can see the glistening of tears in Kara’s eyes. She reaches out and gently wipes away the tears from beneath her eyes.

“Lena, while I appreciate and love how supportive and wonderful and amazing you are with this… what is it that you want? Now that I am back?”

Lena’s hand finds its way to Kara’s cheek and rests there, holding Kara’s face. Kara leans into it, her eyes closing. She relishes the touch of Lena’s hand on her face. How cool it is compared to her own body, how calming and grounding it is for her.

Kara then feels the soft touch of Lena’s lips on her own. It’s slow, deliberate, and electrifying. It’s everything Kara remembers kissing Lena is, and yet, somehow, it’s like kissing Lena Luthor for the first time all over again.

When Lena pulls away, Kara’s eyes flutter open to see Lena with a soft, warm smile on her face.

“Watch the other videos, Kara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who is reading and enjoying this story, for sending me love through kudos and comments! I never expected such a response on this story. So thank you all so much!
> 
> When I started this story, I only planned for it to be 5ish chapters, but as it has unfolded, it has become something else entirely. I don't exactly know how many more chapters it will be. But I will try to write and post one chapter a week from here on out until I feel like their story has been fully told.
> 
> Please feel free to continue leaving comments along the way! I enjoy reading your own reactions and thoughts about the story as it progresses! :) 
> 
> <3 <3 <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena spend some time apart since Kara's return, as Lena goes back to work at Lcorp. They make their first public appearance which leads to some interesting developments. Kara has to face facts and come to terms with a few things after watching more videos from Lena's files. Sam helps Lena do some processing of her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone - sorry this has taken a bit longer than normal to get written up and posted. It's been a hectic couple of weeks. I am hoping that things will get back to normal soon so I can have my normal writing time again and keep up my goal of one chapter a week moving forward. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

They manage to stay home, hidden from the public eye for two more days before Kara insists Lena needs to return to work.

“As much as I love having you and Gracie here all to myself, it isn’t right.” Kara is pacing back and forth that evening in Lena’s bedroom.

Lena walks out of the closet, now in her own sleepwear. “Kara, I told you, Sam can handle things for as long as I need her to.”

“I know, I know… but we have to start returning to normal life… you had a life here… with Gracie… and I need to figure out what my new normal life is going to be.”

Kara sinks down into the chair, the crinkle in her forehead particularly present as she continues to debate what she is even going to do. Lena walks back into the closet. Kara can hear her digging around in some boxes. She comes back out a few minutes later and walks up to Kara.

“If I am going back to work tomorrow, Sam will insist we make a public appearance, as a family. I know you said you don’t want to worry about Supergirl, but I’m more concerned about people asking about the scar on your eye now and attempting to explain that. And then maybe someday having to also explain the exact same one on Supergirl… so, here. For when you are out and about.”

Lena holds out the small box. Kara looks up to Lena and then back at the box, cautiously taking it and opening it. She gasps as her breath gets sucked out.

“This is…”

“An image inducer, yes,” Lena finishes for her. “I know you’ve never had to hide your appearance, just your powers. But I’ve been thinking it over for a while now… and I think it would be best if you hide the scar from the public. It could lead to too many questions considering they have photos of our wedding, from the day before you went missing, and you clearly did not have a scar then. Plus… like I said… if you do ever want to be Supergirl again…”

Lena lets the rest of her explanation fade away, unsure if she should push that particular button this evening or not. Kara stares down at the image inducer, processing what this means for her and for her family. She doesn’t say anything else to Lena as she sets it down on the windowsill and goes back to silent contemplation. Lena gives her a concerned look before stepping into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Kara has insisted on reclaiming the spare bedroom since they have returned from their trip, not wanting to overstep her new boundaries with Lena. Tonight is no different. By the time Lena comes back out of the bathroom, Kara is gone.

So is the image inducer.

She lets out a soft sigh as she turns out her lights and climbs into bed. Lena knows a Kara at full power would have heard her. She isn’t sure about current powered Kara. Even if she did hear her, she isn’t sure that this Kara would come check on her. Not because she doesn’t care, but because she isn’t sure if that is what Lena wants her to do. The mental gymnastics that occur in Lena’s head surrounding their relationship since Kara’s return has been exhausting.

And despite that exhaustion, Lena stares at the ceiling, having the same internal struggle she has had for the past two nights. She can’t deny the pull she has at wanting Kara here with her. They don’t have to be doing anything, just being near each other helps Lena feel grounded, feel safe. But she also can’t deny that at the same time, she is somewhat terrified that Kara is going to up and leave again. She knows what Kara said. But sometimes what Kara says and what she does are two different things. Not because Kara doesn’t intend to follow her words when she says them, but because at the end of the day, if she is called upon to do something heroic, no matter how it might hurt herself or her loved ones, she will do it. It’s that intimate understanding of who Kara Danvers is as a person that haunts Lena Luthor at night.

What Lena doesn’t know, is that Kara has spent the last few nights staring up at the ceiling as well. Kara wants so badly to put her life back together again. She just has absolutely no idea how to do that. So, she starts with what is most important to her. And that’s Lena and Gracie. Once that is figured out, once she knows exactly what will be with Lena and how that impacts her life with Gracie, then she can figure out part two. Part two for Kara is her career, her livelihood. It used to be journalism. Is it still? Kara honestly doesn’t know. And beyond that? Beyond all that Kara wants to focus on her extended family and spend more time with Alex and Kelly and their kids.

That is all Kara has managed to figure out these last few nights, finally having some time alone to think.

Oh, and one more thing, Kara wants to speak to Clark about what the hell happened when he returned. And why more wasn’t said to Lena about what had happened in the future.

But aside from that, Kara only really had those three other things to figure out. That was her focus. So how does she figure out things with Lena?  
  


Watch the videos, Lena told her. Watch them. Kara shutters at the thought. But she knows she needs to. Which is why after two more days with Lena and Gracie by her side, she insisted that Lena return to work and Gracie go back to school. This way, Kara can watch them in the penthouse alone. It gives her plenty of time to process and watch them at her own pace.

As Kara rolls over in the bed, she lets out a sigh. As much as she knows she needs to give Lena her space and that she also needed her own time alone, she hates it. She hates sleeping separately from Lena. She has thought about talking to Lena about it but thought it might be silly considering she was the one who insisted on taking the spare bedroom after they got back the other day. She didn’t chance a glance back at Lena when she said it either, making a beeline for the room and closing the door behind her before she could change her mind, leaving a surprised but quiet Lena in her wake.

Now, a few days later, Kara is silently kicking herself for making such a decision instead of talking it out with Lena. Maybe it was the jetlag, maybe it was the feelings of self-consciously. Or maybe, just maybe, Kara didn’t want to risk the rejection.

As the reality of the situation settles on her, on why she did what she did, Kara frowns. Now that there was an option… Now that there were enough beds for everyone… She was afraid to assume, to request, or to ask Lena about sharing a bed. She isn’t sure if Lena knows just how much better she sleeps with Lena around. Being able to know, to sense, to feel Lena by her. It was another way Kara has always felt connected to Lena.

Grunting, realizing that sleep was completing escaping her this night, Kara gets up and walks out to the kitchen for some water. She sneaks by Gracie’s to check on her to find her daughter completely passed out, hanging halfway off the bed. Kara chuckles at the sight before rescuing her daughter and tucking her back into the bed, safe and sound.

It’s on the way back to her self-proclaimed room that Kara’s superhearing, or what’s left of it, picks up on it. It’s faint, but still there. She hears Lena, plain as can be, saying her name. Kara holds her breath, freezing in the hallway, she waits. Concentrating her senses towards Lena’s room.

It’s a few seconds before she hears Lena again. This time, Lena saying something else.

“This isn’t real.”

Kara’s forehead crinkles, unsure what exactly that means, but makes her way cautiously around the hallway. She finds the door to Lena’s room wide open, with Lena in bed. She has thrown the covers off herself, as they lay on the floor. Lena’s face is wet. It takes a moment for Kara to realize she has been crying in her sleep. The realization causes Kara’s heart to freeze for a moment. How could something be so terrible it makes Lena cry in her sleep?

Kara stops thinking about her every step in that moment and simply reacts. She rushes to the bed, sitting down and putting her hand out on Lena’s shoulder.

“Lena, wake up. Hey, Lena, come on, it’s ok.” Kara says as she gently shakes her, trying to rouse her wife. It takes a few moments as Lena mumbles “no, no,” before her eyes finally snap open. She looks up at Kara before her eyes dance around the room quickly and then land back at Kara. The rest of her body remains frozen in place as she holds her breath.

“Hey, there you are. It’s ok, you were having a bad dream.”

Lena continues to look up at her, finally letting herself breath slowly. “It was just a dream.” She says it more to herself than to Kara as she sits up in bed. Her eyes glaze over for a moment before they flicker back to Kara who is watching Lena with concern as she stands up to leave.

“Well, um… now that you’re awake… I… um…”

“Stay, Kara.”

Kara’s eyes go wide in surprise. “Are… are you sure, Lena? I don’t want to overstep.”

Lena reaches her hand out. “I need to know you are real.”

Lena doesn’t elaborate as Kara takes her hand and Lena pulls her back onto the bed, sliding over to make room for her. Kara bends down to scoop up the blankets as she climbs into the bed. Lena doesn’t hesitate as she pulls Kara into her, setting her head on Kara’s chest and intently listens to Kara breathing. Kara uses her free hand to wrap the blankets around them.

Kara then wraps a protective arm around Lena, concerned, as she can tell that whatever Lena was dreaming about, clearly has her spooked. She also knows that Lena will talk about it when she is ready. That is something she is sure hasn’t changed.

Kara is almost asleep when Lena finally speaks.

“Kara?”

“Hm?”

“There is going to be some videos that I made after… after a specific attack in National City. It was the last one before… before I decided to move.”

Neither Alex nor Lena have given her many details about what happened to make Lena want to move. All she has pieced together is that it happened after Clark returned. And that, according to Alex, is when Lena was particularly broken.

Kara should have known there was more to that story.

“Ok Lee. What about them?”

It’s quiet for a moment and Kara starts to wonder if Lena will give her an explanation.

“It’s what I dream about now… when I have bad dreams.”

Lena doesn’t say anything else, but she does pull herself closer into Kara, like she is afraid if she doesn’t, Kara might fade away, like she was never there.

Kara stays awake long enough to make sure Lena falls asleep, before letting herself drift asleep.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Lena gets ready to leave the next day, Kara prepares to make her first public appearance, they agreed to take Gracie to school, together, and then do the press appearance.

Kara nearly chokes on her breath when she walks into Lena’s bedroom to see if she is ready to go. She finds Lena standing by her nightstand, the drawer pulled open, staring precariously down into it. A memory from their trip, of Gracie casually telling Kara about where Lena keeps their wedding band, passes through her mind. Kara pauses at the door, waiting for Lena to notice her, but Lena is so caught up in her own emotions, in her own twisted, churning insides that she doesn’t notice her.

Lena takes in a deep breath, reaching down she lifts the band up. She holds it for a moment, her hands, trembling, knowing what this will mean.

She slides it on her wrist and stares down, a thousand memories flashing through her mind, some pleasant, some painful. She lets out the breath she had been holding and turns to leave.

She gasps when she sees Kara in the doorway, Kara’s eyes wide like a deer in headlights.

“Lena… I…”

Lena puts a hand up, silencing her. “We have to get going.” Lena attempts to slide by Kara, who reaches a hand out, grasping onto Lena’s arm.

“Lena,”

Lena stops, letting out an emotionally ladened sigh, she turns to face Kara. “Can we not make this into something huge right now? I have noticed you have refused to take yours off since you have returned. I figured we should be matching since we will be seen in public together.”

“But it isn’t like anyone on Earth knows this tradition but us. They are expecting rings.”

Lena lets out another long, defeated breath. “We have those too, Kara. They arrived shortly after you left.”

Kara stares intently at Lena for a moment. When she finally speaks, she finds a confidence in her voice that wasn’t there before.

“Lee, we don’t need to wear the rings today. Let the media say whatever they want. In fact, I want you to keep the rings. Don’t tell me where they are. Give them to me if and when you ever want to actually be married. We can do an entirely new ceremony with them.”

Lena looks deeply into Kara’s blue eyes, searching. When all she finds is love, compassion, and patience, she smiles. She then cups Kara’s cheek and kisses her softly.

“Thank you,” she says softly, resting her forehead against Kara’s.

Kara smiles brightly. “I’m here, Lee. Whatever you need.” She puts her hand out and Lena gladly takes it. They head out to the kitchen, where Gracie is finishing the breakfast that Kara made for her.

Lena can’t help but smile widely at the stack of pancakes that is too big for any human.

Her smile only widens when Kara hands her a coffee and a banana.

“I’ll be stopping by Lcorp to bring you some lunch,” Kara says with a wink. Apparently, she is excited about this whole stay-at-home wife bit she is partaking in today. Lena only smirks as she takes a sip of coffee and helps Gracie clean up and finish getting ready for school.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the three make their way outside, Kara and Lena do their best to shield Gracie from the cameras until they are safe inside the car. They make the short drive to Gracie’s school in relative silence, as the reality of the day finally settles in on Kara and Lena. It’ll be their first day spending a significant amount of time apart since Kara returned.

Lena walks Gracie into school, introducing her teacher to Kara as Gracie runs off, excited to see her friends again.

“Ah, it is so nice to finally meet you,” Gracie’s teacher says, shaking Kara’s hand. “I’m Ms. H.”

Kara gives her a half-smile, feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the loud children around her. “It’s nice to meet you,” she says, giving Lena a look she hopes Lena can interpret.

“We are so glad Gracie is back in school, though we do understand you wanting to spend time with her these past few weeks, now that you have returned from… where was it, again?”

Lena smirks at the obvious attempts of fishing. Clearly, the school had been gossiping about Lena and Kara already.

Lena hooks her arm around Kara’s as she starts to fumble out an answer. “Actually, apologies, Ms. H., but Kara and I must be going, busy first day back and all.”

Ms. H gives her a fake smile, sending them on their way.

As they get back to the car, Kara sinks into her seat. “Thanks Lee.”

Lena smiles. “Of course, Darling.”

They make their way to Lcorp, where Sam has arranged the media appearance, with a stage set up out front. Kara is silent most of the way, staring out the window in contemplation. Lena pretends to check emails on her phone while casting occasional glances at Kara in concern.

As they pull up, Lena finally asks, “You sure you’re ready for this?”

Kara looks over to Lena, a crinkle forming as she sighs and pulls out the image inducer. She puts it on and the only thing that changes is the scar across her eye.

“How do I look?”

Lena feels like she just time traveled to the past, with a Kara from seven years ago.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, she responds, “Maybe we should have tried to make you look like you got older too.” She smirks when she says it.

The remark does the trick, eliciting a single chuckle from Kara, easing some of the tension from the moment.

“Let’s do this,” Kara says after a moment.

Lena steps out of the car first, leading Kara up to the podium, hands grasped tightly together as they walk up. Sam is by the stage, giving them a thumbs up. Kara smiles brightly at her and makes a mental note that they should invite Sam and Ruby over for brunch this weekend.

They walk up to the stage as the cameras continue flashing. Lena squeezes Kara’s hand three times, warming Kara’s heart. It was their old signal. Lena was letting Kara know that it was still in effect, that if Kara does it, Lena knows she is feeling overwhelmed and needs to exit. They came up with it shortly after they officially started dating and public appearances became a thing. Sometimes Kara would get overwhelmed because of her superpowers. Sometimes it would be because she was just not used to so much attention. So, Lena told her to squeeze her hand three times, and that would be their signal to leave whatever event or appearance they were at.

Kara squeezes her hand once in return, letting her know she remembers the signal. She feels Lena rub her thumb on her hand as she turns her attention to the people in front of them.

Lena clears her throat as she starts to speak. “I want to thank everyone for giving us privacy these past days so that we could have time to reconnect. As many of you know, Kara had to go into witness protection seven years ago, shortly after we were married. I was unable to go with her and I did not find out about being pregnant until after she was gone. When I found out she was able to return,” Lena pauses, appearing to choke up, “I cannot express how excited I was to know she would finally get to meet her daughter. Or how wonderful it felt to know I would finally have my wife again.”

Lena smiles at Kara then, cueing her for the next part. Kara gives Lena a shy smile as she begins to speak. “I too want to thank everyone for their patience as I adjusted to being back, to learning about Gracie and being able to spend time with and get to know my daughter without the added pressure of the media following us around. I didn’t know what I would find when I returned home… But what I did find was more than I could have ever dreamed of.”

Lena knows Sam wrote this entire speech. Even so, she can tell Kara means ever word of it.

Lena speaks again. “We thank you all for your continued support as we adjust back to normal life.”

With that, they give the crowd a smile and make their way off the stage. Lena walks Kara back over to the car, as planned.

“I’ll see you at lunch, Darling.” Lena says it as Kara opens the door and finally starts to get into the car.

“Sounds good, Lee.” Kara smiles softly at her as she slides into the back of the car. Lena holds the door open for a moment before bending down and giving Kara a kiss on the cheek. It causes Kara to blush, but also smile bigger.

“That’s better,” Lena says, barely a whisper before pulling her head back out of the car, closing the door and making her way into Lcorp.

Kara smiles as the car pulls away, still feeling the warmth from Lena’s kiss on her cheek. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Kara enters the empty penthouse, she is struck by the silence of it. No Gracie. No Lena. Just herself. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly as she makes her way down the hallway to the room she has been avoiding while Lena and Gracie have been around these past few days.

She enters the code and scans her hand.

She steps inside and walks over to the computer, sitting down, she enters the code Lena gave her.

As the list of videos appear, she stares at them, anxiety creeping its way through her body at the prospect of opening any of the videos since her first time here the other day.

With the memory of Lena requesting she watch them, Kara grits her teeth and proceeds to the second video on the list. It’s dated for a few days after the very first one Lena had ever made.

Kara smiles brightly as she sees a happy, bright Lena appear on the screen.

_“Darling, Kara, my love. I must tell you, it looks like it will take me a bit longer to actually come up with a machine to get a message to you than I anticipated. Time travel is complex, I know. I just…” Lena’s smile fades into a slight frown. “I feel so much pressure to work fast because every day this little one grows in me. And I know. I know you. I know how guilty you will feel for not being here to see that. For not being here for me during that time. Trust me when I say, I am working as fast as I can. But I must work in secret with only a few select people knowing about the location of the project. Safety first, you know.” She gives Kara a knowing wink. “Alex misses you dearly by the way. She doesn’t say it, but I can tell. I did finally break down and tell her the news and my plans for contacting you. And well… She is quite on board with my plans for once.” Lena chuckles to the screen._

Kara chuckles back.

_“Anyway, I hope when you see this video, that you are safe and happy and loved. Come home soon.”_

The video fades and Kara feels a warming sensation spreading throughout her heart as she clicks on the next video. The next few have the same kind of message, with Lena talking about the early stages of the pregnancy and the project. Kara notices how Lena always ends the videos with that same line.

_“Come home soon.”_

Kara watches another five videos before she gets to a different kind of video. As it starts, Lena has a stern look on her face and is silent for a moment. Kara can feel the anxiety radiating off Lena. Kara sits up straight and leans in towards the screen.

_“I hope I can figure out how to send a message soon. Or that you just magically come back soon. Because Kara… Alex and I are doing the best we can to monitor things… but without a Kryptonian around… sometimes we aren’t sure what should be normal and what shouldn’t… And with you and your cousin both in the future… We think everything is normal and fine… but sometimes… sometimes I feel this panic start to rise in me and I think that maybe it isn’t all good.”_

Kara can see tears fighting their way out of Lena’s eyes as she tries to control her emotions. The stress of the pregnancy clearly starting to get to her.

_“I just… I thought I could handle it… handle this… alone… and I know I’m not actually alone… I have Alex and the others… but I don’t have you, Kara. You were supposed to be here. You were supposed to be by my side when this happened. I know you don’t know about it. I know that. But still…” Lena lets out a long, tired sigh. “I’m terrified. What if something happens? I don’t know if I can lose you both.”_

The video cuts out after that. Kara is certain the Lena on the screen ends the video because she is breaking down, too distraught to continue recording. She is so terrified, so scared of losing Gracie.

Suddenly Kara’s mind is racing with a thousand different scenarios and what if’s, playing out in her mind as she attempts to even fathom what could have happened to Lena if her life had taken any other sort of path.

Kara’s mind takes her down a dark, twisted path, showing her how awful and terrible Lena’s life could have been. And even perhaps was at times while Kara was gone.

Because yes, Gracie is fine, she is amazing in fact.

But also, in this video, Lena didn’t know that. She didn’t know because she didn’t know what to expect considering her child was only half human. It’s the first time Kara realizes just how much more terrifying and alone Lena must have felt during the entire pregnancy and even after having Gracie. Raising a half-alien child, as a human.

Kara sucks in a breath as her mind attempts to process how Lena might have felt during the time she was gone. Not just during the time she was pregnant, but also once she was born, Lena wouldn’t have known what to expect for Gracie’s development. She would have constantly been second guessing everything she was doing as a parent, worried that she could mess things up because she was only half of what Gracie might need.

Kara’s stomach drops to the floor as realization after realization hits her in the face.

She finds herself wandering the penthouse looking more closely at each and every photo on the walls, the shelves, and the albums. Not only did she miss all of Gracie’s firsts for the first seven years of her life, but she also missed all the things that come along with being a parent during that time. She missed having to worry and be concerned as a first-time parent. She missed getting to console each other with Lena. Which also means Lena had to do it alone.

Kara ends up taking off into the air, feeling too overwhelmed by the suffocating reality of all the unknown and unintended consequences from one single decision.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lena attempts to spend the morning meeting with Sam in her office, getting caught up on what she has missed being gone. She keeps checking her phone though, just in case Kara tries to reach out to her, now that Kara once again has her own phone.

“She will be fine, Lena,” Sam finally says, tired of trying to keep Lena on track.

Lena glares at her best friend. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Lena, I’ve watched you check your phone once every three minutes for the past hour. Seriously, I’m sure Kara is fine. She will reach out if she needs you. Besides, you said she is coming by for lunch, just like she used to, right?”

Lena lets out a breath. “Yes… it’s just…”

Sam gets up from the couch and goes over to Lena at her desk. “Lena, I get it. You’re worried about her. You haven’t let her out of your sights since she has gotten back. But I promise you, she isn’t going anywhere.”

“How can you know that?” Lena says before she can stop herself.

Sam smiles at Lena. “Because I know things. Like the way she looks at you. And the fact that it clearly wasn’t you who insisted on coming back to work today. It was Kara. She wants you to start returning to a normal life, with her in it.”

Lena groans as she puts her head on her desk, a rare display of emotion. Something she wouldn’t do with any of her employees. Sam is the exception.

“I just… Sam, I’m so terrified that she will leave again. I try not to be. I try to tell myself that fear is irrational. But then I remember that she did leave before. That she chose to leave on our wedding day. And I just… it is keeping my walls up… I know it is…”

Sam gives Lena a hug, pulling her away from her desk. “Hey, you can’t rush this. She was gone for so long. She has only been back what? Two weeks? Give it time.”

Lena nods and gives Sam a gracious smile. “Right, time… more time.”

“Lena, you know what I mean.”

“I do… I just… I hate that you are right.”

“Well… I do have some other news that might make you happy.”

Lena eyes Sam curiously.

“While you haven’t gotten a word from your wife, shortly after she left Lcorp this morning, I received a text message from her, asking if Ruby and I could do brunch with you, her, and Gracie soon.”

Lena’s face grows into a wide smile. “That… that is nice. Gracie and I would love that too.”

Sam winks at Lena as she pulls out some more documents for Lena to start reviewing, hoping that she has helped quelch some of her fears for the moment.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I was supposed to be here. I should have been here.”

Lena nearly jumps out of her chair upon hearing Kara. She looks up to see her standing in the balcony doorway. She appears a bit frazzled, dazed even. Lena checks the time to see it is still a bit early for lunch. Luckily, Sam had left a short while ago for another meeting while Lena continued to get caught up on some paperwork. So, Lena is the only one who knows Kara is here for the moment.

Lena stands up and makes her way over to Kara. “Kara? Are you ok? What are you talking about?” Lena puts a hand out and begins to gently guide Kara across the office to the couch.

“You… you were so scared.”

Oh.

It dawns on Lena in that moment what is going on. Kara must have gotten to another video that is particularly alarming.

She sits next to Kara. “Which one? Kara, tell me what you saw.”

Kara’s hands instinctively begin to pull at her shirt as her eyes stare into nothingness. “You… you didn’t know what to expect during the pregnancy since Gracie is half human… You were so scared Lee. And I wasn’t here. I wasn’t here.” She says again, her eyes darting to Lena’s deep green eyes, begging for forgiveness.

Lena sets her hands over top of Kara’s, which are currently trembling. “Kara, hey, Gracie is ok. I am ok. Everything is ok. We are both fine.”

Lena jumps back as Kara sudden stands up, her hands flailing through the air.

“But what if you hadn’t been! What if something had happened! What if something had gone wrong and I wasn’t here! What if you had…” She doesn’t let herself finish the sentence, as her wandering eyes finally find Lena again, who is still sitting on the couch, her eyes carefully watching Kara as her emotions finally let themselves process. Her face is soft and tender as she clearly understands what Kara is going through.

“Lee…” Kara says as she sits back down, her eyes filling with tears. “What if I had come back and you were gone? What if I had lost you and I didn’t even know it?”

Lena puts an arm around Kara, pulling her onto her shoulder. “I’ve got you Kara. I’m here, I’m still here. You didn’t lose me.”

They sit like that for several minutes as Lena feels Kara fight back tears. Lena rubs Kara’s back gently in silence. She knows Kara is terrified now. She also knows, Kara would have been terrified throughout the entire pregnancy, had she been here for it.

“Lena?” Kara finally says, quite softly.

Lena hums in reply.

“I invited Sam and Ruby over for brunch this weekend.”

Lena smiles. “You know, Sam might have mentioned something about that.” She says with a chuckle. “What food would you like to have, Darling?”

“Everything,” Kara says promptly. Lena can feel her smiling again.

“I think we can manage that,” Lena says, already making a mental note to have her assistant set everything up for her.

“Well, what about lunch for today? Shall we start exploring restaurants in Metropolis the way we did in National City?”

Kara finally sits up and looks at Lena curiously. “I’m sure you have some you like, Lena. We can go to one of them.”

“Actually, I haven’t done much exploring. Been a bit busy these past few years… What with raising Gracie and running Lcorp… having had much time to explore, especially with all the traveling Gracie and I like to do.”

“Yeah but… you grew up here,” Kara counters, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“Well…, growing up, Luthor’s weren’t supposed to do normal people things, as you might know.” Lena smirks. “So, what do you say, lets take a walk and see what we find?”

Lena knows someday she will tell Kara the full truth about why she never explored food places since moving back the way she did with Kara in National City. Someday, she will tell her it is because that always felt very much like a Kara/Lena thing, and never, ever a Lena thing. And never something she could do with someone else. When she moved back to Metropolis, Lena instead went back to old habits that are arguably better for her overall health, though she knows it had more to do with not wanting to do things that reminded her of Kara.

Kara might suspect there is more behind what Lena isn’t saying, but she is too excited about the prospect of spending time with Lena one-on-one to question it today, especially after the emotions she just processed with Lena. So instead, Kara smiles widely at Lena as she stands up and puts her hand out. “My lady?” Kara says. Lena blushes and laughs as she takes Kara’s hand and stands up.

Lena chuckles as she realizes their slight predicament, with her assistant being just outside her office. “Well… you will have to, you know, go out the way you came in, Kara. But I will meet you downstairs?”

Kara’s mouth opens slightly as she realizes what Lena means, as she ducks her head and shrugs, making her way to the balcony. “See ya in a minute Lee.”

Lena smiles wide as she watches Kara go. She pauses and reflects on her conversation with Sam that morning, realizing that she isn’t the only vulnerable one in their situation. And that Sam is right.

Time. It will take time for them both.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena have an important conversation. Sam shows her protective friend side to Kara. Kara watches more videos. And Kara confronts Clark.

As Lena steps into the penthouse, she kicks off her shoes. After lunch with Kara, it was a long, excruciating afternoon at Lcorp with some new investors. She is feeling particularly exhausted after her first day back in the office as she makes her way down the hallway and into the kitchen. She freezes and just stares as Kara and Gracie come stumbling in from the balcony. They stare back at her, eyes wide. Both of them looking like they just got caught sneaking out of the house like a couple of teenagers. Lena takes a moment to take them both in, noticing the way their hair is a bit out of place. That’s when it hits her.

“Hey Lena, we were just-”

“Kara Danvers. Tell me you did not just take our seven-year-old daughter flying.”

Kara’s head drops to her chest and she tries not to look guilty. “No… we were just… playing on the balcony…”

Gracie nods, clearly afraid to talk, but not wanting to get in trouble.

Lena takes out a long breath and lets it out slowly as she turns to the kitchen to find some wine. “Gracie, is your homework done?”

Kara looks down at Gracie, mouthing “Sorry,” as Gracie looks back to Lena and answers, “Almost.”

Lena grips the glass so hard; she is surprised it doesn’t shatter. “You know the rules Gracie. Homework first, then playtime. Now, why don’t you go to your room and finish that while your mother and I talk?” Lena still doesn’t turn around, making a show of slowly pouring herself the wine. Kara gives Gracie a hug and a wink, letting her know things will be ok, even if internally Kara might be more terrified of Lena than Gracie is right now. She doesn’t want Gracie to know that. It seems to placate Gracie, who smiles at her before making her way down the hallway.

Lena listens for Gracie’s steps to fade down the hallway before she finally turns around to look at Kara. When Lena doesn’t say anything within two seconds of looking at her, Kara immediately launches into an explanation.

“Lena, look, I picked her up from school, just like we planned. And we got home, and she was doing her homework, like we talked about, I swear. But then, she was hungry and so I made her snack. And we were just chatting and snacking, and she asked about my powers and asked to see some of them. And just… well, one thing led to another and I just… I couldn’t NOT take her flying when she asked me to…”

Kara lets out the breath she was holding as she looks at Lena, ready to feel her wrath.

She is surprised to see instead, Lena walking over to the couch. Kara stands by the balcony until Lena looks over at her and pats the seat next to her. Kara slowly makes her way over and sits down.

“How far have you gotten in the videos?” Lena asks.

Confused Kara responds, “Um… I watched more this afternoon. You tell me a lot about what it’s like, the pregnancy. Apparently, Gracie had my appetite.”

Lena smiles. “She still does sometimes. Once she is born, I will talk about parenting to you, in the videos. About what it means to parent alone, having to be both the enforcer and the emotional support, and everything in between. I have… had to be everything for Gracie.”

Kara sits up straight, realizing now that this is connected to what just happened between the three of them.

“I always knew you’d be the fun mom, Kara. You are entirely too goofy and cheesy and loving not to be. And I am far to serious and intense and harsh not to be the… the other mom.”

“Lena,”

“But,” Lena says, cutting Kara off. “But for seven years, I had to be everything for Gracie. I mean, could anyone else on this planet ever get me to do the Supergirl pose for a photo, repeatedly? I don’t do that for me. I do that for Gracie. She needs balance in her life, she needs the things that I never got growing up. To know she is loved and cared for emotionally. To know that it is ok to make mistakes. That she can have fun and laugh at times while being serious and curious other times. To know that she will be loved no matter what.”

Lena pauses as she stares down into her wine. Kara’s head crinkles as she waits for Lena to continue.

“I guess… I guess what I am trying to say is that I get it. You feel like you have so much to make up for because you missed so much. So, it makes sense that you want to give Gracie whatever she wants, when she wants it. To do all the fun stuff with her, especially the really cool stuff that only you can do with her, like take her flying. Because you want her to like you as well as love you. You want her to feel connected to you. And the best way to get on the good side of a seven-year-old is to have as much fun as possible with them. So, I get it.”

Kara gulps, feeling her now dry throat as the realization of her actions are setting in. They seemed innocent enough at first, but she recognizes now that they could have long term effects.

“I understand, Lena. We are a team, you and me, as parents, with Gracie. We had set up a plan for her when she came home from school. I will do better in the future to stick to that schedule. Homework first, then play time.”

Lena gives her a small smile. “Thank you. Now, what would you like for dinner? I’m sure you are tired after your jaunt around the city.”

“You aren’t mad I took her flying?” Kara asks cautiously.

Lena lets out a small sigh. “Kara, do I like the idea of our daughter flying around the city? No. Safety wise though, I trust you with her, a thousand percent. I know you’d never let anything happen to her. So that was never my concern. Now, that being said… that is the second time today you did take flight around the city… perhaps we should find you a suit of some kind to fly around in that doesn’t resemble Kara Danvers or Supergirl, or maybe we get you something to keep you hidden from the public eye altogether, if this is going to be a regular thing.”

“I… I mostly like to do it to clear my head,” Kara confesses. Lena nods, knowingly. She remembers that even before Kara left, Kara would float high above National City when she was feeling particularly stressed.

“I’ll see if I have anything in the lab tomorrow that we can use in the meantime, just to help you stay hidden, ok?”

“Thanks Lee,” Kara smiles gratefully at her.

“Now, why don’t you go help Gracie finish up her homework while I procure us some food?” Lena says softly.

Kara nods in agreement and pulls Lena in for a hug before heading for Gracie’s room. Lena takes a long sip of wine before pulling out her phone to order food. She texts Sam while she decides what food to order her family.

_Lena: You remember those hypothetical conversations we used to have? About single parenting and having to transition to not being a single parent when you were dating and it started to get serious?_

By the time Lena finishes the food order, Sam has responded.

_Sam: ugh. Yes. I always hated talking about those. Glad Ruby is older now._

_Lena: I just had the talk with Kara._

_Sam: WHAT? Wait – what did she do? She did something, didn’t she?_

Lena chuckles to herself. Sam knows them too well.

_Lena: I came home to the two of them finishing up a flight around the city via Air Danvers._

_Sam: OMG SHE DID NOT LENA!!!_

_Lena: Even worse, Gracie’s homework wasn’t even done yet._

_Sam: The tragedy! Whatever will you do?!_

_Lena: Your dramatics are appreciated, friend._

_Sam: It’s what I’m here for. How did the talk go, for real?_

_Lena: I think she gets it. I know she wants to do whatever she can to bond with Gracie and build their relationship. But I explained that I need a partner, and Gracie needs another parent._

_Sam: Good on you Lena. It sounds like the two of you are making really good progress on the communication front._

_Lena: Someone told me earlier today that things take time, so you know, one day at a time and all that crap._

_Sam: Sounds like one smart lady. ;)_

_Lena: <3_

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the next few days, Kara and Lena seem to find a good balance with Gracie, a new routine as Lena returns to Lcorp. Kara always joins Lena for lunch, sometimes they venture into the city while other days Kara shows up with food and they eat in the office. One of the days, Sam is with Lena when Kara shows up, and while Kara invites her to lunch, Sam politely declines, saying she has another meeting to get to, making herself scarce. Kara takes her at her word, but Lena knows her schedule. She knows Sam is just giving them time alone together. Time to talk and to bond again. Lena makes sure to thank Sam later that day.

When it is finally the weekend, Sam and Ruby come over for brunch as planned. Gracie, upon seeing Ruby, squeals in excitement and sprints towards her. Ruby scoops her up in a big hug happily.

“Hey Kiddo! It’s been forever. How are those soccer skills coming along?”

Once Ruby releases Gracie, she immediately takes Ruby’s hand and starts pulling her towards her room. Ruby happily obliges as Sam laughs and makes her way over to the open balcony and living area where Gracie was moments ago. She finds Lena picking up some of Gracie’s toys.

“I see Ruby is still her favorite,” Sam says.

Lena smirks. “Always and forever. I don’t make the rules.”

Sam bends down and starts to help Lena with the cleanup. “Where is Kara?” Sam eyes Lena curiously.

“Oh, she is testing out some tech from the lab.” Lena doesn’t elaborate, as in that moment, Kara suddenly seems to appear on the balcony.

“Lee! This works amazing!” Kara exclaims as she takes in the scene before her. “Oh, Sam! You’re here! Hi!”

Sam chuckles. “Hi Kara,” as she gives Lena a suspicious look that tells Lena that they will be talking about this later.

The five of them enjoy a decadent meal together, with Kara listening intently as Ruby tells her all about high school and college, playing soccer, and her plans for the future. Kara listens intently, so thrilled to be hearing about Ruby’s life. Sam tells Kara all about her dating exploits in Metropolis and about her work at Lcorp. She talks about life with Ruby, her eyes shining brightly talking about her daughter. Kara catches Lena staring at Gracie with a similar look on her face sometimes. Each time, it warms her heart.

As Lena starts to clean up, Ruby and Gracie volunteer to help her in the kitchen, leaving Sam and Kara to clean up in the dining area.

“So, Kara.”

“Hm?” Kara glances briefly at Sam before turning her attention back to wiping down the table.

“I just wanted to say, I’m glad you’re back.”

“You are?” Kara asks before she can stop herself.

Sam glances across the penthouse to the kitchen where Gracie and Ruby are loudly chatting with Lena. She looks back, locking eyes intently with Kara as they both stop what they are doing.

“Look, Kara. Lena will always be my friend first. I will always have her back, no matter what. She saved my life, first.” Kara gives her an understanding nod. “And I cannot tell you how strongly I hated seeing how much she hurt while you were gone. While she was really good at keeping the pain and anguish in check most of the time for Gracie’s sake… there were… some moments that she wasn’t… and someone had to be around to pick up those pieces of Lena.”

“You.” Kara says. It’s a statement, not a question. Sam nods, answering it anyway.

“So, I guess what I am saying is. I am glad you are back, for Lena. And I really do kind of hate you for what you did to her. And also, I’m asking you to please never do that to her again. I know she is tough. She is the strongest, toughest person I’ve ever known. But I don’t know if she can take that again.”

By the time Sam finishes, her eyes betray her, hinting at tears, she finally looks away and begins to clean again. Kara opens her mouth to respond, but she can’t find any words worthy of a response. She knows words are empty platitudes. All she can now is show Sam, show Lena, through her actions. She goes back to cleaning in silence, her mind repeating Sam’s words over and over again.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara is excited when she makes it to videos of Lena that now include Gracie.

_Lena is smiling brightly, holding a small bundle in her arms as the video starts._

_“Darling, I’m sorry I haven’t made a video in a couple months. I want you to meet our daughter. Gracie.”_

_Lena stands up and angles her arms to give the camera a perfect view of an 8-week-old Gracie._

Kara releases an audible gasp, seeing such a tiny version of the seven-year-old she has come to love and adore since returning.

_“I love her so much already Kara. My heart is so full. I only wish you were here with me. She has my eyes and your forehead crinkle. Your beautiful blond hair, too. I can’t wait for you to meet her. Come home soon love.”_

As the video ends, Kara feels the warmth of a tear fall down her cheek.

“I wish I was there too, Lena.”

The videos moving forward, often include Gracie, with Lena talking often about any new developments. It is clear that Lena doesn’t want Kara to miss anything that Gracie does. She still occasionally mentions projects at Lcorp. But more often than not, Lena talks more about Gracie followed by updates about Alex and Kelly and the twins. Lena even occasionally mentions updates about the other Superfriends.

In fact, for a while, things seem, almost stable for Lena and Gracie, particularly during Gracie’s first year. Kara notices the videos do seem to be more spaced out and as time goes on, Gracie makes less and less appearances. Kara tries not to make much of it, but she also knows she is getting close to the time that Alex told her Lena moved. And it has only been a week since Lena’s nightmare.

Kara’s anxiety spikes when Kara starts a video and doesn’t see Gracie in it. Kara checks the date and notes that it is a few short weeks before Lena moves them to Metropolis… even fewer before Clark returned from the future. She looks at the Lena on the screen closely and can already tell, can somehow sense, this is it, this is the start of whatever happened. She looks at the date of the last video. It has been four weeks since then, which is a bit longer than usual. Kara takes a few deep breaths to steady herself before pushing play.

_Lena stares at the keyboard, not speaking, as the seconds tick by. She opens her mouth several times, apparently trying to speak, only to close it again with a look of anguish on her face._

_On the fifth try, she finally finds her voice._

_“Kara, um… It’s… it’s been three years… since… since you went into the future. And I’ve… I’ve tried so hard to…” a smile comes but fades just as quickly. “to be like you, to be hopeful. But the fact is that… after what happened… I’m… I’m not sure I can anymore.” Lena looks into the camera, her eyes brimming with tears. “You told me about it… when it happened to you… I never quite understood it… but now that it happened to me… I… I get it now… It is so tempting… to tempting to want to stay.”_

_Lena is quiet for several minutes as she fights back the tears, her arms wrapped around herself, trying to hold herself together._

_“Alex finally convinced me. She saved me. She helped me defeat the black mercy.”_

Kara hits pause at the mention of black mercy as she gasps. “No, Lena. No no no." It hits her then, in that moment as she starts to realize exactly what might have happened. She curls up in the chair, her arms around her knees as she hits play.

_“I didn’t want to leave. God, Kara. I didn’t want to leave. You were there. RIGHT THERE. I could feel you. I could see you. I could smell you. I could touch you. ALL OF IT. And Gracie was right there with us. And it was perfect. It was everything I ever wanted… Of course, you know that… You went through the same thing before we met… I just… To have everything you ever wanted ripped away from you… Like I said, I try, so hard, to have hope, like you. I am just… I am struggling really hard after that… So please… Come home soon.”_

As the video ends, Kara has several waves of emotion pass through her. She looks at the date of the next video, it is a couple weeks. She immediately clicks on it.

_“Kara… where are you?” Lena asks, her voice cracking as tears fall freely. “Clark came back three days ago, just, out of nowhere, Superman returned to us. And when I saw the news, I just… I got so excited. I thought I was finally going to have you back. I rushed home and waited… I even had Alex and Kelly watch Gracie for me… Kara, WHERE ARE YOU?”_

The video ends just as abruptly as it began. Kara swallowed as she looked to see another video dated for the same day, a few hours later. She let out a long breath as she clicked play.

_“Kara… I… I can’t keep doing this… not after the black mercy incident… I… I contacted Clark, thinking maybe he would give me some answers.” Lena lets out a harsh laugh. “I know Clark and Lex have a history, but I thought Clark liked me… I just… all he told me was that you would come back when you felt like you were done with your mission. That was it. No details about what you were doing in the future. No details about whether you received my message. Nothing. I just… I can kind of see why Lex hated him… no offense.”_

_Lena takes a long swig straight from the bottle of whiskey she had apparently opened since the last video._

_“Kara. Where are you? Why is Clark back and you aren’t? This doesn’t make any sense. You promised me. You PROMISED ME. And here I am, alone, raising our daughter, alone. I… I just… I don’t even know whether you actually got my message… I don’t know whether you found out about Gracie… whether you decided to stay in the future for good because you decided you were better off without me… or because you didn’t want me and Gracie… Or what… Like… what if something happened to you? What if you’re dead and I just don’t know it because no one came back to tell me? I just… there are so many different scenarios in my head… so many potential reasons for your absence… How do I know which one to believe? I’m a scientists Kara, I believe in data. And historically speaking, data tells me that the people I love leave me. They leave me, Kara. And they don’t come back.”_

_Lena is silent as she stares down at the half empty bottle for several minutes. She heaves a heavy sigh after several minutes as she looks back up into the camera._

_“Even after all this time, the day you left is still… seared into my brain… Do you know what it’s like Kara? To stand in front of the person who is your whole world and be told you aren’t enough? That you aren’t the choice they are making? That… that you are only the shadow for them… when they are the person who is your sun… I know… I know I walked away… But you didn’t even try to stop me…”_

As the video ends, Kara is crying hard. The Lena in that video is hurt and raw, completely shattered by experiencing the black mercy only to then have Clark return and leave Lena with so many unanswered questions. Not only that, but it all had brought back up the pain from when Kara left, the pain that she had tried to hard to push down and pack away… the pain that Sam had told Kara about. Kara wipes her eyes and drinks some water as she stares off into nothingness for several long minutes.

The next video is a couple weeks later. Kara thinks she knows what it will say. Even so, she clicks on it.

_“Um… Hi… I wanted to let you know, I decided to relocate back to Metropolis with Gracie. We will have Sam and Ruby there. After everything that happened… It… it will be good for us… for me. I’m not sure if… when… I’ll make another video… I hope you understand.”_

Kara notices that Lena didn’t say, “come home soon.” She is pretty sure Lena will not be saying it on any more of the videos. She glances to see that there is a sixth month gap between this video and her next one. She sighs and knows she is done with this for the day, unable to see Lena in this much pain anymore today, knowing it is because of her.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lena is just getting back up to her office from one of the labs to see her phone ringing.

“Alex? Hey, what’s up? Is everything ok?”

“You tell me. Why is Kara asking me where Clark and Lois live now and how she might get in touch with Clark?”

Lena is silent for a moment.

“Lena.”

“Well, I certainly no longer have their contact information. So, it would make sense she would reach out to you for it, if she wanted it.”

Alex sighs into the phone. “Yes… but why would she want it. I mean, she already knew what happened when Clark returned, so why now?”

Lena never told anyone about the videos she made for Kara. But if Kara got to the videos that she thinks she did, it would make sense for Kara to ask about him now.

Lena tries one last dodge. “Well, maybe she is just now feeling ready to talk to him about it.”

“Luthor. You know Kara isn’t the only one who can tell when you are lying.”

Lena grits her teeth and lets out a resigned breath. “Fine…” She explains the videos to Alex briefly. “So… I’m guessing she maybe got to the ones that I recorded around the time of the black mercy attack… and Clark’s return.”

“Oh…”

Lena rarely witnessed Alex Danvers speechless. She waited for Alex to process the information, knowing she will have more to say.

“So, you’re saying, Kara has essentially been at home during the day while you are back at work, watching video journal entries or video letters to her or whatever, cataloging your life over the past seven years.”

“Yes.”

“And you made some shortly after some of the more… let’s say difficult moments of your already terribly tragic life.”

Lena smirked into the phone. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“She might kill him.”

“Did you tell her the address?”

Lena knows when Alex pauses that the answer is yes.

“Send me the address, I’ll take care of it.”

“Call if you need back up.”

Lena hangs up and immediately calls Kara. When it goes right to voicemail, her heartrate starts to climb. Lena grabs her belongings and instructs her assistant to clear the rest of her day as she makes her way out of the office quickly.

“Dammit Kara,” Lena mutters under her breath as she starts making phone calls and sending messages from the back of her car. She gives her drive the address and makes sure he knows he needs to hurry.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Kara lands at the farm, her legs shake. But not from fatigue, from anger. Kara flew around high above the city, the world, for some time after the last video, trying to process her emotions. There was one thing she didn’t understand. Clark showed zero empathy for Lena when he returned without Kara. He could have reached out any time after he returned but didn’t. The more Kara thoughts about it all, the angrier she got about it all. 

The door swings open as Kara stalks up to the house. Clark exits with an easy smile on his face.

“Kara, I was wondering when you would stop by to visit. I saw you had finally returned.”

He steps down off the porch.

Kara knows part of her anger isn’t really directed at Clark. That part of it is really at herself, at her decision to leave when she did, how she did. Part of her anger is about the unforeseeable outcomes from it all. Part of it is at Winn and Mon El. But part of it is at Clark.

And Clark, he is here, right in front of her. And he could have been here for Lena when she couldn’t be, when she wasn’t. If he had half a mind to even think about what Kara would have wanted from him in this scenario, it would have been that, and he didn’t do it. 

Kara sees red. And before she knows it, she rears back and punches Clark with all her might.

Clark stumbles back a few steps as Kara takes a few ragged breaths, though she doesn’t punch him again.

“Kara? What is going on?” Clark attempts to remain calm, but he doesn’t approach Kara. Instead, he takes a few more steps back.

Kara glares at Clark, her breath shallow and intense. “You… You got to come back… Because of me. It was my instructions, my sacrifice, that brought you back to your family. And you couldn’t even be bothered to explain to Lena why I couldn’t come back.”

Clark raises his hands in surrender. “Kara…”

“No! Clark. You do not get to play innocent here. You were awake when you were sent back. You knew it was under attack. You could have given her that information. You could have given her any information at all. Instead of leaving her with nothing!”

Kara’s fists clench at her sides as she tries with great difficulty to reign in her own emotions as Clark is silent.

“You… you have no idea what she has been through these past seven years. But when you came back… you would have seen her… would have seen our daughter… and you just blew her off… you didn’t even think about maybe what I would want, did you?”

Kara stares intently at Clark, waiting for an answer. Clark sighs. “Kara… when I got back… things were… complicated.”

“You had four years to reach out. You never did.”

Clark’s mouth opens to argue, to defend himself, but no words come out.

“Why Clark? Tell me why.” Kara lets out another long, angry breath as she stares him down.

Clark is silent for a moment, his jaw tight. When he realizes Kara isn’t going to back down, he finally gives her answer.

“Because I didn’t want to give her false hope. I had no idea whether you would ever come back.”

Kara’s rage spikes. “That is a bullshit answer Clark. Ever since I crashed here, all you’ve ever done is abandon me and the people I love, because you are too selfish, needing to protect your own legacy and your own family. You’ve never cared about mine. Well, the good news is, you win.”

Clark’s face changes to confusion. “What does that mean?”

Kara smiles out of spite as she tells him, “I’m done. I can’t be Supergirl anymore. You have been the only Super protecting this planet since you returned… and you will continue to be the only Super protecting this planet.”

“Kara, you can’t mean that. Being a hero is who we are.”

“No, Clark. Not anymore. You have no idea what happened to me, what saving you on that planet cost me. Once again, because of you, I lost years of my life.”

Clark stares at Kara, baffled by this new version of his cousin, at a loss of words and afraid to ask what happened after he left. She stares back, her rage still coursing through her veins. She stands there, debating whether she could get one more hit in, when she hears a familiar motor from a car coming up the driveway.

She turns to see Lena’s car coming. Turning back to Clark, she smirks, “Looks like my ride is here, cousin.”

With that, she turns and walks away, meeting the car part way down the driveway, without another look back.

As she slides into the car, Lena pulls her into a hug, surprising Kara.

“I was so worried. Are you ok?” Lena pulls back from the hug and looks Kara over carefully.

“Yeah, Lena, I’m ok… there were just a few things that needed to be said to Clark.” Kara leans back in her seat, looking away from Lena then, not wanting to admit that she also punched him.

Lena doesn’t take her eyes off Kara. “Do you… do you want to talk about it?”

Kara finds herself looking out the window as the car makes its way onto the highway, back towards the city. She is silent for a few minutes, so Lena doesn’t push.

“It’s the black mercy incident, that you have nightmares about?” Kara finally asks, turning towards Lena.

Lena visibly tightens her jaw, trying to keep her body from reacting to the mention of the black mercy. “Yes… sort of … the dreams are about the tail end of being under the influence when Alex came into it… and then what happened once I was back in the real world.”

Kara nods. She remembers her own dreams following her own adventures with the black mercy. She dreamt of Krypton exploding for several weeks after that.

“Will you tell me about it? If you’re comfortable with it?” Kara asks softly, her blue eyes now devoid of all anger she had just moments ago. Lena bringing back a sense of calm to Kara.

Lena sighs and looks at the floorboards. This is not something she enjoys reliving. It is something she managed to avoid, to skirt talking about when she had the nightmare that Kara woke her up from. She hears Sam’s voice in her head though, telling her that rebuilding things with Kara will take time and communication. Even so, Lena can’t help but wonder if it’s a good idea.

“Are you sure you want to hear about this Kara? I mean… this was not a… particularly great time for me… and I can’t imagine it will be pleasant for you to hear.”

Kara reaches out for Lena’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “I want to know. If we are going to move forward, I need to understand what happened to you, what you went through while I was gone.”

Lena hums. Kara then adds, “I mean, it is kind of like how, as friends and when we started dating, we used to tell each other stories from our childhoods.”

Lena half-smiles. “It’s a little different this time Kara.”

“I know I know. But… I still want to know.”

“Ok… Well… Sam is picking up Gracie from school and agreed to keep her tonight. Why don’t we pick up some food and I can tell you about it over dinner?”

“Sounds amazing, Lee.”

Lena smiles and finds herself pulling Kara towards her so they can snuggle on the rest of the ride home. Kara happily obliges. While Lena knows Clark would never intentionally hurt Kara, she couldn’t help that her mind was racing to worse case scenarios on the way there. She knows Kara isn’t at full strength, that she doesn’t have her full capabilities. But Clark doesn’t know that. So, if a fight had broken out… Lena shutters at the thought of how bad things could have gone down, pulling Kara in closer as she does. 


End file.
